Here’s the deal. I can’t stand that Cobra Kai dojo.
Danel LaRusso was a sweet kid just trying to find his way in a new school. And you…you jerks…were so mean to him.
Image by Heather F via Flickr
That’s not what karate is about, you know. You guys at Cobra Kai are doing it all wrong. It’s a beautiful, ancient tradition and you are all just a bunch of thugs. And what’s with your teacher? What a meanie. I can’t wait for the All Valley Karate Tournament – then we’ll show you what’s what.
And, P.S., if you think a smart girl like Ali Mills will fall for your tough guy bull…well, think again, amigo.
So, how am I going to do it? How will I defeat Johnny and his gang?
Two words – crane technique.
MAKYA MCBEE VS. 
I love the old school Karate Kid. Ahhhh Ralph Macchio!!! One of my teenage crushes. And what kid after watching this movie didn’t practice The Crane technique as the ultimate in self defense?
The Karate Kid! Heather, I love that movie, too! Back in the early 1980’s when it came out I was the leader of our church youth group in western New York. We were given free tickets to check out the movie when it opened in Olean.
I knew it was going to be a hit when the next day I found my little brother Jimmy doing the Crane pose on top of the family washing machine. Every time my mother put in another load he would fall off when the mahine reached the rinse cycle.
The little-known and rarely-used defense for the Crane Technique – The Rinse Cycle Maneuver. (Looks a lot like the Drum Technique from Karate Kid 2).
The Cobra Kai Dojo has to go down! STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.
Mop the leg. Mop the leg. (Was that the line? It’s been awhile…)
Very good, but it’s “Sweep the Leg.” Sweep, mop, vacuum cleaner either way we shall take out the Cobra Kai Dojo. They won’t know what cleaning device hit them. Time to Mop & Glo these jerks! (Mop & Glo technique not as effective as Crane Technique, but it’ll do in a pinch).
Cobra Kai rules!!! “GET ‘IM A BODYBAG!!! HYHUK HYUK HYHUK!!!” “Fear does not exist in this dojo!!” “No, senseii!! I should break your radio and kick sand in your face, Makya-san. Crane technique is a gimmicky form of cinematic martial art that has repeatedly failed to produce results in all combat including Ultimate Fighting. If Johnny hadn’t walked into Daniel’s flailing foot, he would have hoisted the trophy and spared us all the sequels. Johnny was dealing with some real issues, partly due to the black cord that he wore in his blonde hair to represent eighties fashion, and his father figure was not an Oriental handyman, as Daniel’s was. Johnny threw the match, and crane technique has enjoyed a false run ever since. The same cannot be said of Ralph Macchio, even if he makes me cry seven times every time I watch that doggone movie. One more thing. Do not let my devil’s advocate position fool you: this movie was superior in every way to the unwatchable Jaden Smith remake. The remake needed more than crane technique to save it.
I know Jackie Chan. I worked with Jackie Chan. And you, sir, are no Jackie Chan.
No, that’s not what I meant to say at all. What I meant was, lay off Jackie Chan movies – he’s a national treasure. (Not our nation, of course, but nonetheless). And if you think Johnny threw that fight, just look into his eyes when he has the courage to hand Daniel the trophy…and tell me that wasn’t the authentic admiration of a battle-tested warrior.
I kept from replying to this one because I am one of those girls that likes Johnny’s Bad Boy attitude. I would’ve totally fallen for it, hook, line & tinker. And, that karate outfit with the cobra. Come on, that looks like a Tough Guy tattoo.
You’re a Cobra Kaiette? Well, I suppose I can’ t expect everyone that reads my blog to agree with everything I say…this is your one.
Uh oh, I’ve gotten a warning…hey wait a minute…are you giving me tough guy attitude, too? Maybe you are a Cobra Kai Guy in disguise. How do I really know that you are Makya McBee?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times – copies of my birth cirtificate are online, available for public viewing.
Hook, line & sinker. I typed to fast & ended up putting tinker. Isn’t a tinker some sort of medieval tradesman?
I tink so.
ha! Ain’t that a stinker! It’s like tinker but, it’s got an “s”…never mind. 😦