Archive for April, 2013

Here’s the deal. Hacky Sack is ridiculous.

If you’ve never played Hacky Sack, the goal is to kick a small bag of beads around without letting it touch the ground. If you have played Hacky Sack, the goal remains the same.

The unusually capitalized website wikiHow offers the following steps for how to play Hacky Sack: (1) Use inside kicks, outside kicks and toe kicks to pass the sack from player to player, (2) Utilize stalls to help control the play of the sack, (3) Keep your feet low for better control, (4) Minimize knee passes, (5) Stay relaxed while kicking, and (6) Combine stalls and kicks for ultimate control to keep the sack from touching the ground.

And here are my own steps for how to play Hacky Sack: (1) Kick the Hacky Sack to the nearest player, (2) Pick the Hacky Sack up off the ground, (3) Repeat.

a footbag

It may be pretty…but it ain’t pretty.

Because every time I’ve ever seen anyone play this absurd game, the majority of their time is divided between bemoaning the fact that their kick went astray (“Bro, so close,” “Man, I thought I had that one,” “Dude, sweet kick, oh, dang!”, etc.) and bending down to pick the sack up off the ground and start another short-lived round.

Here are three interesting facts about Hacky Sack. (1) Hacky Sack was invented in 1972. (2) There are no other interesting facts about Hacky Sack. (3) Even that first fact about Hacky Sack in no way qualifies as being interesting.

Unfortunately, if you do find yourself playing Hacky Sack, the odds greatly increase that there will be (a) less t-shirts worn and (b) more body odor present – mostly due to the fact that most sack circles are composed of 23 year old males who haven’t combed their hair since the 90’s. (Side note – in a gay bar, a sack circle is something far different…and much more enjoyable).

I have no idea why anyone would call this extended exercise in futility a game. Kicking a small lumpy sack in the general direction but just out of reach of the person standing next to you isn’t a game. It’s the definition of crazy. The result is always the same. No matter how many times you play, gravity wins. And everyone else loses.

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