Here’s the deal. It just occurred to me that I haven’t posted anything on here in 2015. To be fair, there are a lot of other things I haven’t done in 2015. I haven’t jet skied or written any political speeches or had a really good fajita. So, I suppose it’s not entirely surprising. There are a lot of things one can do in 2015 and most of them aren’t going to get done. It’s just a numbers game.
But even though this blog may be on life support, I can’t give up on the little guy just yet. I just don’t want my blog to become one of the countless online carcasses littering the information superhighway. Honestly, there should be some type of government service to scoop up this internet road kill. Once you haven’t posted in over a year, that’s it – that’s a dead blog.
Take, for example, Stuff White People Like. Perhaps one of the most successful blogs of all time. It even got Whitey Whiterson (or whoever wrote that blog) a book deal. But I just checked and the last post was November 11, 2010. That’s a very dead blog. Sure, the last comment on that same post was only three days ago, but someone just has to help those mourners move on. I’m sure there are other blogs about white people if you look really hard. I’m white. I like stuff.
I don’t know, maybe it’s true that you can’t teach an old blog new tricks. Perhaps my little buddy is on his last legs. Maybe I do need to open an Instagram account and start instagramming every day. I think I may have waited just long enough that by the time I get it figured out everyone else will have moved on to the next thing. I mean, it was just last weekend that I finally perfected my Friendster page. But I wildly digress. (Another symptom of a sick blog)
Here’s the good news. When I started this blog I had two goals: defeat Patton Oswalt in a google-off, and create a blog that would get 69, 575 hits. I recognize now that Oswalt simply has me out-classed. On my very first blog post four years ago, Oswalt had over 800,000 Google results and I had 560. I Googled myself today (as I do each and every day – if there was someway to attach dental floss to Google, dentists wouldn’t have to keep begging us to take care of our teeth…hmmm, I’m going to have to Instagram that) and I have 1,510 hits. Yes, I’ve nearly tripled my online exposure, but Patton is now closer to a million. What was I saying? Oh, yes, here’s the good news. My unspoken second goal was to create a blog that would garner 69,575 hits. As of today, I have 69,572. We can do it, people. If we all work together, I can achieve my lofty goal. It actually won’t even take all of us working together. If three of us can work together that’ll pretty much do it.
Check your rear view mirror, Oswalt…I’m still coming for you. This blog’s not dead yet.