Here’s the deal. Like a bear with a snooze button addiction, I’ve been on an eight-month blog hibernation. But nothing will wake you up in a cold sweat quite like the most alarming political candidate of a lifetime. But Donald Trump transcends politics. People can argue over political ideas. Fine. But this isn’t about that. Because he doesn’t have any political ideas. He has almost no ideas at all.
Look, all public figures misspeak and have gaffes. Over the course of years in the spotlight, mistakes will be made. But Trump is a whole different category. In researching this post I came across an article in Vanity Fair called, “Seven Terrifying Things Donald Trump Has Said in the Last 36 Hours.” Pretty incredible. This man says more ignorant, hateful, braggadocious things before breakfast than most people will say in a lifetime.
And what is Trump’s central qualification for this surreal presidential bid? His business success. He never tires of talking about how he makes great deals, how he’s the biggest, HUGEST, best businessman in the whole universe. But he doesn’t often talk about the forty million dollar inheritance that got him started. I don’t know about you, but I have a suspicion I might look a little more successful myself if I had a forty million dollar head start on life. His father gave him more money than most people see in a lifetime and made him president of his real estate company…being born ridiculously rich – that was by far the best deal Trump ever made. In fact, there was an article written about how Trump would be as or more rich today had he merely invested his inheritance…so he is exactly as successful as he would be had he not done a single thing.
But I’m not here to try and make a joke out of Trump – he’s doing a much better job of that himself than I could ever hope to do. I’m just here to assemble some of his verbal low points. And to reinforce the fact that, this November, Americans will have a very important, tough decision: whether to vote for Hillary Clinton, or to vote against Donald Trump.
- “I will be so good at the military, your head will spin.”
The great thing about Donald Trump is that he’s great at everything. EVERYTHING. And anything he’s not great at he will soon be the absolute best at. When asked a number of foreign affairs questions that he could not begin to answer, he simply reassured us all that, at some point in the future, he will know everything about everything. (If he has the power to immediately be the best at anything, I just don’t understand what he’s waiting for)
- “How do you define leadership? I mean, leadership is a very strange word because, you know, some people have it, some people don’t and nobody knows why.”
Exactly…except for the fact that volumes of books have been written about what makes a good leader. People will disagree, but a lot of thought has been given to this subject. It is, therefore, perhaps a little alarming that the man who is vying to be one of the most powerful leaders in the world has no real idea of what might make a good leader. Then again, I’m sure he’s confounded by strange words he can’t figure out on a daily basis.
- “I think I am actually humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand.”
Is he bragging about his humility? Donald Trump is the opposite of the Terminator. Instead of a machine that has become self aware, he is a human who is entirely unaware.
- “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay? It’s, like, incredible.”
A wildly rare moment of clarity for Trump. Even he can’t believe what he’s getting away with.
- “Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”
Yes, a sure sign of intelligence is the constant insulting and belittling of everyone you come into contact with. Mocking the handicapped, judging every female only by appearance, insulting any and everyone who crosses him in even the slightest way – it all reeks of exceptional intellect. As we all know, Einstein was famous for wandering the streets and yelling about how stupid everyone else was.
- “Two Corinthians 3:17, that’s the whole ballgame.”
As you’ll likely remember, this is Trump speaking to the Christian Liberty University and claiming to be a HUGE God type guy. He later explained this unusual reading of the bible verse, “It’s a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I’ve had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two.”
I agree with the beginning of his statement – it actually was a small deal. But the real problem here is that it perfectly demonstrates Trump’s complete inability to admit any mistake. Trump smacks us in the face daily with his glaring, obvious mistakes…and he defends each and every one of them like a toddler covered in cookie crumbs insisting he doesn’t even know what an Oreo is. It would be so easy to say that he misspoke, but instead he insists he was treating the audience to a Scottish interpretation of the scripture. And who are the “many, many people” who confirm each of his delusions? Oh, Donnie, you’re endless attempts to recover from your gaffes only makes you all the more ridiculous.
- “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”
Trump is the first candidate since…ever…to twice refer to the size of his penis in presidential debates. (And did he just say that the size of his genitals are “well documented”? Does he have reams of reports on his girth stashed under one of his solid gold couches? Has he hired a journalist that dedicates all of his time to measuring Trump and typing up graphs? What the hell is going on here?) I have never known any human being so insecure (finally, something he actually is the best at). He can’t let any small criticism go, he has to fight to prove that every part of his personality and body is HUGE.
- “I know words. I have the best words.”
I’m sure you do. If only you could just once remember to use them.
- “Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”
This is a man who thinks that after claiming that the vast majority of all Mexican immigrants are criminals and worse, thinks that a picture of himself with a taco bowl will make everything all right. Reminds me of the time Roosevelt said, “Sorry about those Japanese internment camps. I’m eating sushi! I love Asians!”
- “She does have a very nice figure. I’ve said that if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
Not only is this one of the most disturbing things one can imagine a man saying about his daughter, it wasn’t even misunderstood or taken out of context. Trump states, “I’ve said that if Ivanka weren’t my daughter…” so the fact that he has thought about dating his own daughter is something that he talks about often. Dear Trump supporters, a few questions – How? What? Why? Holy shit, wwwhhhhyyyyy?
- “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things.”
This was Trump’s response to the question of who he’s consulting on foreign affairs. Wow. It’s a humdinger. You’re absolutely right, Mr. Trump. You have said a lot of things.