Archive for July, 2013

Here’s the deal. I know what it’s like to grow up with an unusual name, so creating this list gives me no pleasure. But somebody had to do it.

(11) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter grows up to own and operate a towing company, she could call it Apple’s Jacks.

(10) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter marries a family member of the renowned fashion designer and Project Runway judge, she’d be Apple Kors.

Gwyneth Paltrow at the 2000 Toronto Internatio...

 

(9) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter develops an interest in bell-ringing, we could all enjoy the sounds of Apple’s peals.

(8) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter grows up to be an optometrist, she could very well be the Apple of my eye.

(7) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter ever turns to a life of crime, she’ll be one bad Apple.

(6) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter becomes a bodybuilder, we’d all go to her contests to see the big Apple.

(5) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter grows up, gets married, and is constantly hogging the bed, her husband may have to say, “Apple, turn over.”

(4) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter has a tree house, I bet her parents would put mattresses around the base of the trunk, because, should she stumble, the Apple never falls far from the tree.

(3) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter decided to ride a jet ski and fell off, her friends might have to go bobbing for Apple.

(2) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter takes an IQ test and scores 140, she’ll be an Apple genius.

(1) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter and I become friends and I have the opportunity to introduce her to my dad’s mom, Wilma Smith, I will say, “Granny Smith, Apple.”

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