Archive for November, 2012

Here’s the deal. Last week’s comment contest has left me overwhelmed, sorting through the hundreds dozens ones of entries. Let’s take a gander at some snippets…

Becoming cliché said, “If ever I were to see the Oxford comma on the street, I would scream, cheer, faint, and ask a friend to take our picture together.”

No doubt that’s a mighty fine comment. And I feel the same way…but about Enrique Iglesias. Although I would suggest changing your order to, “Scream, cheer, ask a friend to take our picture together, and faint.” The photo will look far less impressive if you’ve already gone limp.

Suz Pain asked, “Have you ever tried parsley on your pizza?”

A delicious comment that directly engages me with an in-depth query – kudos. May all your pizza be parsley free.

Jennifer offered, “I just really don’t like…pizza…except on…pizza…you know, I think…pizza too!

Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I took out a bunch of words and her comment no longer makes sense. But I’m still diggin’ it big time.

Jenn lamented, “I never win anything…ever.”

A sad little comment designed to elicit the sympathy vote…and it just might work…

Dandelion Mom raved, “A comment contest! I could totally rock that! I often get very commenty in a completely awesome way.”

Oh yes, she rocked it. Rocked it like a dandelion.

Karen suggested, “Perhaps your favorite aunt should be the grand prize winner.”

Listen, nobody respects nepotism more than somebody trying to break into the entertainment industry…but can I really give the prize to a family member? Why not? It’s my freakin’ blog.

Heather commented thusly, “Although seldom used in Britain and the United States, root parsley is very common in central and eastern European cuisine, where it is used in soups and stews.”

A fine, educated comment if ever I’ve seen one. Sometimes the best answers are to questions no one ever asked. Could be a winner…

Jenny observed, “I have read every blog post you have written and I have been greatly entertained by them all. I would say I have favorites…but that seemed like it would diminish the genius of your other posts.”

Now we’re talking. The way to a man’s heart is through his ego. This one’s going to be tough to beat.

Pizza Margareta

Pizza…pizza…you know, I think…pizza too!

You can see my problem.

As I waded through the very tiny pile of entries I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Why is it that 37.5% of the entrants are named Jennifer, Jenn or Jenny? Why aren’t more of them named Ralph?” And, secondly, “Why are so many people still mentioning bananas. I specifically told them that this was not about bananas.” Then, thirdly, “How in the gosh darned heck am I going to choose a winner from this group of winners?”

Well…problem solved. I have decided to reward all eight entrants with a personalized limerick. If you are one of the entrants and would like to email me your actual name or any details (job, hobby, favorite medieval instrument other than the lute, etc.) you would like me to try and incorporate into your limerick please feel free to do so any time this week – makyamcbee@hotmail.com. Otherwise, I’ll just use your screen name, comment, and the blogger’s secret weapon – making stuff up. And next week I’ll be posting all eight limericks in a Makya McBee Vs. Comment Contest Limerick Winnerspalooza!

Wait, wait, I know what you’re thinking, “What about the $3.92 gift card to California Pizza Kitchen?” That, my lovely friends, goes to the first person to show up at my front door.

On your mark…get set…banana.

Here’s the deal. In my lifelong effort to get more blog comments I am proud to present the first ever Makya McBee Vs. Comment Contest Extravaganza Super Fun Time!

Before I announce the contest, I am proud to report that I received a number of lovely comments from my previous post in which I shamelessly begged people to give me a number of lovely comments. I must admit, however, that I was somewhat surprised to see how many of the comments were focused on the issue of bananas. To quote Gwen Stefani, “This sh#* is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”

Allow me to quickly address some of the excellent points raised by my readers last week…

I was frankly expecting more content about bananas. Are you planning a follow up post to address this issue?”

No.

“I was hoping to glean a little insight into your love or hate of bananas. Could you elaborate on your feelings toward the banana…I might one day like to send a fruit basket and I’d like to know if I should include or exclude bananas.”

I don’t know who decided that baskets filled with fruit are the ultimate gift. I can think of so many things I would prefer to have in my basket. A cash basket. A pizza basket. An Alyssa Milano basket (what? I grew up with Who’s The Boss and matured into those years of young manhood just as she was blossoming into an effervescent, nubile woman…so sue me). You know what…yeah, just include the bananas.

“You need to elaborate on your feelings toward bananas.”

No. No I don’t.

“I have discovered that in the absence of a knife and in the presence of a banana that bends instead of breaking at the stem, tearing the banana open from the bottom works just fine. I have since observed that this is also how apes regularly open bananas.”

Perhaps you should spend less time observing apes and more time shopping for cutlery.

English: SCB Bananas

This picture is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

 

 

Okay, now that we’ve taken care of the banana issues let’s get on with the contest.

1. Eligibility – The contest is open to all U.S. residents age 18 and older. (Also, it’s open to all non-U.S. residents age 17 and younger).

2. Contest Period – The Contest begins on November 18th, 2012 at 12:01 am Pacific Time and ends on November 25th, 2012 at 3:27 pm Pacific Time. (All dates, times, and really everything I’m typing is subject to change).

3. How to Enter – No purchase necessary to enter or win. But, if you think about it, you need to buy a computer or a cell phone to be able to access the internet and see this blog. Unless you go to the library. But you need to buy a car or bike to get to the library. Unless you walk. But you’ll need some shoes. So you do have to buy shoes to enter and win this contest, but other than that just do whatever you want.

Oh, yeah, how to enter the contest. Just, you know, leave a comment to this blog post.

4. Judging – All comments will be judged on the following criteria: originality, cleverness, creativity, freshness, imaginativeness, ingeniousness, innovation, inventiveness, newness, novelty, unconventionality, unorthodoxy, and use of synonmys. Additionally, comments will be judged on length, girth, font coolness, ability to incorporate the word parsley far more often than is reasonable, misuse of adverbs, and the swimsuit competition.

5. Prizes – One (1) grand prize winner will receive their choice of (a) An old California Pizza Kitchen gift card that I forgot I had that still has a balance of $3.92, (b) A personalized limerick or (c) Whatever is behind Door Number Three. Two hundred and fifty (250) second place prize winners will win absolutely nothing.

Good luck and please stop asking me about bananas.

Here’s the deal. I started this blog in the summer of 1978 and I’ve seen a lot of trends. In the eighties, my blog did fairly well, but people couldn’t comment because they were too busy worrying about the Cold War, bemoaning the Exxon Valdez spill, playing Pac-Man, purchasing kick-ass boom boxes and enjoying the heart-warming tale of an alien left behind in Spielberg’s classic E.T. – which taught us all the danger of Reese’s Pieces addiction. In the nineties, my blog enjoyed moderate success, but everyone was talking about the Lewinsky scandal, wondering at the marvel of Dolly the cloned sheep, rushing to movie theaters to enjoy the heart-breaking Titanic, jamming out to the Spice Girls and buying their kids the hottest new toy, Tamagotchi – the digital pet that children would feed, entertain, and clean up after that taught us all a valuable lesson…if you fail to properly care for your pets, you can always reset them. Then, in the 2000’s, blogs were actually invented and my traffic nearly doubled.

But lately my blog comments have been on a perilous decline. I won’t bore you with the numbers. My site has a total of 174 posts and 2,162 comments. That’s an average of 12.425287 comments per blog post. (I didn’t bore you with the numbers…because they weren’t boring, they were riveting). Lately, however, I’ve been averaging closer to zero comments.

Spice Girls at the O, da esquerda para a direi...

So tell me what you want, what you really, really want. I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna really, really, really wanna more comments on my blog.

So, let’s get to work.

I found an article on wordpress about how to get more comments on your blog. I’ve pulled some quotes so that we can learn together…

  1. “You won’t get comments until people visit your blog.” This is what I’d call really solid advice. I’m going to give this some serious thought…
  2. “Have a clear and strong position in your posts. Clarity in writing helps readers form their own opinion to share. A post titled “I’m not sure if I like bananas” is less likely to compel a response than “How I learned to love bananas” or “Why I will never eat a banana again”.  Done and done.
  3. “Start conversations. In real life, most conversations start by reciprocation. “How is your day going?” “Fine. And you?” At minimum, end posts with a question inviting people to answer. I can do this. I had a conversation once.
  4. “Run a contest. Running a competition where you give a prize away, say a $25 amazon gift certificate, to a randomly chosen comment on a post, can encourage many first time commenters, as well as new readers to your blog.” I’ve got to be honest, I don’t have a spare twenty five bucks lying around…and I’ve never even been to the Amazon…but it’s a good idea and I will come up with a tremendously exciting contest for my next post.
  5. “Tell relatable stories. A post where you offer a story that your readers can relate to invites participation. For example, if your blog is about baking cakes, and you share a story about how you messed up a recipe with disastrous yet entertaining consequences, it’s easy to ask readers to share their stories of similar disasters.” Funny they should say that because just yesterday I was trying to bake a cake and something wildly entertaining and somewhat disastrous occurred. Has this ever happened to you?
  6. “Make a post out of the best comments from your readers. If you see a fantastic comment on your blog, create a post where you quote what they said (and link to their blog if they have one). Show your readers that you value and read their contributions, and more people will be motivated to comment in the future.” Darn tootin’. I will now officially be collecting the best comments in the following month and posting an end-of-the-year best comments post. I’ll be handing out the internet’s first ever Commenties, a series of awards for the best and brightest comments the web has to offer.

Okay, that should be enough to get me started. I anticipate an unprecedented slew of comments to this post (I even changed my theme for the first time since I’ve had this blog…the comment bubble is now much larger and clearly labeled for ease of access). If 12.43 of you can comment I’ll be above my average and will immediately share this exciting news with my Tomagotchi…oh, whoops, he’s dead again. Regardless, it’ll be a happy day in the McBee household and my blog will be back on track to being the most popular thing ever in the history of the world. Which I know is what we all really, really want.

Oh…and, um, how is your day going?