Archive for May, 2015

Here’s the deal. People have called my last post: “A series of words”, “Somewhat coherent”, and “Available on the Internet.” That’s right, it’s one of my most popular ever. It even garnered over zero comments! So I’d be crazy not to produce a sequel. And now, your wait is over…

Top Ten Musical Questions – Asked and Answered, Part II

11. “How many roads must a man walk down?” Fourteen.

10. “Have you ever seen the rain?” Of course. Haven’t you?

9. “Is it me you’re looking for?” Actually…no. I was looking for Susan. Is she home?

8. “You down with OPP?” More or less.

7. “What would you think if I sang out of tune?” Don’t worry, I wouldn’t think poorly of you. I’m well aware of the fact that singing in tune is no easy task. Don’t beat yourself up, buddy.

6. “Do you know the way to San Jose?”

san jose

5. “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?” There aren’t. This is the only one I can think of. Oh, Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Fine. There are two songs about rainbows. That’s not very many.

4. “Isn’t it ironic?” No. Not a single one of your examples is ironic.

3. “What’s new pussycat?” This fabulous flea collar for one. Thanks for noticing.

2. “How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?” Easy. You just eat the pudding. It’s okay. You’re with friends. No one’s going to judge you. We don’t care how much meat you ate, if any. Enjoy your pudding.

1. “Where have all the flowers gone?” They’re probably with the cowboys.

 

Here’s the deal. My top ten lists are probably the best on the internet. (At minimum, they’re top ten). Don’t believe it? Just ask me. Yeah, that’s right – they’re the best. Not only is the content awesome, but each top ten list goes to eleven. Why? For one, I’m not a big fan of the number ten, for two – you deserve it, for three through eleven…that’s another list.

But today I bring you the…

Top Ten Musical Questions – Asked and Answered

11. “Is she really going out with him?” Yes.

10. “Y’all ready for this?” No.

9. “Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?” They don’t. It’s a false correlation. What’s happening here is that you’re perceiving a relationship between the presence of birds and my proximity to you that simply doesn’t exist. There are, in fact, always birds around. Go ahead, take a look. They’re there. When you see me, you notice the birds because of this association you’ve formed in your mind. But I don’t make the birds appear.

8. “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” Real life.

7. “Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?” Everybody.

6. “Does anybody really know what time it is?” Most  people. Most people know.

“Does anybody really care?” Sure. People with appointments, for example.

5. “Who let the dogs out?” I’m pretty sure it was Larry. And I specifically told him not to.

dogs

4. “Why don’t we do it in the road?” Seriously? That’s literally one of the worst places we could do it. Very, very dangerous.

3. “Can’t you smell that smell?” Dude. Not cool.

2. “If I go crazy, then will you still call me Superman?” I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about.

1. “How long must we sing this song?” I’m so sorry. I thought you knew. You’re free to wrap it up anytime you like.