Archive for January, 2014

Here’s the deal. After many moons of writing an award-worthy blog, I’ve often wondered about just who is reading it. Wouldn’t it be interesting to have an idea of how many people took a gander, and maybe even know where they came from? Unfortunately, no technology exists that would allow for such fantasy. Except, perhaps, for the web analytics programs that collect, measure and report internet data such as unique page views per day via server log file analysis and/or JavaScript embedded page tagging that produces web traffic statistics which can be converted into easily-understood, personalized reports such as the ones provided by wordpress.com.

So let’s take a look.

The newest and best technologies indicate that, in the past year, my blog received “quite a few” views from places “near” and “far.” What was everyone in such a tizzy over? If you’re new to the old MMVS, here’s a sweet, sweet taste to whet your appetite. The five most viewed posts of 2013…

(5) Vs. People Who Leave Their Shopping Carts in the Parking Lot. Everyone complains about people putting the cart before the horse, but I find this to be much more annoying.

(4) Top Ten Letters of the Alphabet. Big scandal when I wrote this one and P was subsequently accused of performance enhancing…that’s right, calligraphy.

(3) Vs. Women Walking Around Barefoot While Carrying Their High Heels. Right?

(2) Top Ten Most Annoying facebook Status Updates. Number 1 of all my top 10 lists, and number 2 on my top 5 of 2013, this is sure 2  be 1 4 the ages.

(1) Vs. Referring to Yourself in the Third Person. Don’t do it. Please.

But I’m not here to shamelessly promote my blog from within my blog, I’m here to get YOU to shamelessly promote my blog from wherever you happen to be. Yeah, you, the guy in Guatemala.

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You see, I’ve got thousands of readers spanning the globe. (Note: I do not, to the best of my knowledge, have any one reader who is currently spanning the globe, much less thousands…it’s just that there are thousands of people who have read this blog and they do so from various countries around the world. So. You know.) And today I am most concerned with those countries which have produced only a single, solitary reader.

Latvia, for example, is fine. There were two individuals from Latvia who read my blog last year. So please feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

Macedonia, Senegal, Libya, Ethiopia, Tanzania, Angola, Zimbabwe, Ecuador, Guatemala, Panama, Myanmar, Kazakhstan, and Bangladesh, however…that’s a different issue entirely. Each of these countries had one person check in. And this blog is addressing these thirteen individuals specifically. If you happen to be the one person from your homeland who has discovered my blog, congratulations and thank you. We’re in this together now. We both have important jobs. My job is to sit here, in the comfort of my apartment, and write silly, silly things. You’re job is to get out there and tell everyone you know about how much fun it is to read the silly, silly things which I write from the comfort of my apartment.

Come on, there’s a whole nation out there waiting for us. And it’s not all about me. Imagine the gratitude and gifts they’ll shower upon you for sharing this blog. You could conceivably receive cash, fresh fruits and/or gently-used electronics. Stick with me, kid. There’s no limit to how high we can soar.

Also, if you live anywhere other than Macedonia, Senegal, Libya, Ethiopia, Tanzania, Angola, Zimbabwe, Ecuador, Guatemala, Panama, Myanmar, Kazakhstan, and Bangladesh, feel free to talk me up as well. 2014 is going to be a big year if you and I are willing to put in the time, dedication and hard work. Mostly you.

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