Here’s the deal. Fruit of the Loom has one of the oldest (created in 1893) and most recognizable logos in the world. And, in the past decade, they’ve brought this logo to life with a quartet of actors dressed in oversized fruit costumes. I have a very specific issue here – not with the logo itself, but with just one fourth of this fruity bunch.
My problem is with the guy on the far right. My first, and most obvious problem, what the hell is he? He looks like wilted lettuce. But that’s not a fruit. He could be parsley. Again, more of a garnish than a fruit. Spinach? Kale? Arugula? What is this stuff?
I did a little research and Fruit of the Loom refers to this stuff simply as “leaves.” This does not make me happy. This company had a world of brightly colored, unusually shaped fruits to choose from and these are the four they chose? It’s pretty pathetic. I wonder what that meeting was like?
“Okay, boys, fruit logo – what have you got?”
“Apple. Good. That’s definitely a fruit. Everyone recognizes apples. Nicely done, Johnson.”
“How about grapes?”
“Grapes. That’ll work. I like that. Now we’re rolling. Anybody else?”
“Hmmm, how about grapes?”
“I think someone already said that…let me just check my list…apple…grapes…yep, we have grapes already. But I like the way you’re thinking.”
“Wait, what about different colored grapes?”
“Interesting. Do grapes come in different colors? We’ll have to do some research. But I like that. So now we’ve got apple, grapes and grapes. Let’s see if we can get one more fruit.”
“I’ve got it – leaves.”
“Leaves? Nice. Wait, are leaves a fruit? I don’t think leaves are fruit.”
“It’s almost five o’clock.”
“Really? Okay, fine – we’ll put in leaves. Great job, everybody.”
Actually, the Fruit of the Loom people list the five components of their logo as: apple, purple grapes, green grapes, currants and leaves. The currants, however, are not featured in the commercials. Maybe because nobody says currant anymore. Paradoxically, currants aren’t current enough.
Regardless, I think they’re wasting valuable underwear real estate and commercial air time with those damn leaves.
So, how am I going to do it? How will I get rid of the foliage and refocus Fruit of the Loom on the fruit of the loom? I think I need an ally. A celebrity to adopt my cause. And only one man can help me – Wayne Wilderson.
When I see Wayne, I think of his multi-episode arcs on Seinfeld and The Office…but you probably know him as the purple grapes. Yes, he appears to be the only actor with a non-fruit career working on these spots. He’s the pro. He’s the guy we need on our side. Working from the inside, he can help the leaves leave. I’ve got a lot on my plate already without adding fruit. I think I’m going to pass this one off to Wayne. Yes, we have a legitimate complaint. But nobody is going to listen to us moan about it. Besides, who better than the grapes to make a fine whine?