Archive for December, 2018

Here’s the deal. It’s that day again. That day where I remember I have a blog and it’s my responsibility as one of the nation’s top three million bloggers to write at least once a year. After all, this blog has 325 followers. 9 of which are humans. And it’s for that reason that I must churn out a few half-assed paragraphs on New Year’s Eve.

So let’s talk briefly about Wang Chung and their one big hit – Everybody Have Fun Tonight. Is that the most generic rock song title of all time? Could they be any less specific? And they didn’t give much more thought to the words within the song…

Image result for wang chung

Opening lyrics, “I’d drive a million miles, to be with you tonight.” A  million miles? I know they’re musicians, not mathematicians, but this is ridiculous. It is, for example, 2,789 miles from NY to LA. So let’s say that the person they wanted to be with was on the opposite side of the country…and they drove all the way there to be with them tonight…and then drove back because they realize they’d forgotten, say, their favorite pillow…they would then have to drive back and forth an additional 358 times, to retrieve their other 357 favorite pillows, to have driven a million miles.

The Guinness Book of World Records lists the longest road trip as a couple who has been driving around the world in the same Toyota Land Cruiser for over thirty years…and they’ve logged just over 450,000 miles. I guess my point is, you can’t drive a million miles to be with someone tonight. You could, I suppose, drive a million miles to be with someone about sixty years from tonight.

Other lines I don’t care for, “The words we use our strong.” Yep, a million miles strong.

“Rip it up, move down.” I believe the thought process here was, “Hey, up is the opposite of down, so, yeah, the other words don’t have to make sense.”

“Deep in the world tonight, our hearts beat safe and sound.” Deep in the world? What does that mean? Are they hanging out in the Marianas Trench? And if you were in the Marianas Trench would you really feel safe and sound?

But that’s not my real complaint. My real complaint is that the chorus instructs listeners to “have fun tonight” and to “Wang Chung” tonight. This is just meaningless and lazy. They couldn’t come up with something to say, so they just popped the band name in there. That would be like hearing, “I can’t get no, satisfaction…I can’t get no Rolling Stones.” Terrible.

Turns out that Wang Chung (or Huang Chung) is Chinese for yellow bell. So it’s, “Everybody have fun tonight, everybody yellow bell tonight.” How do you yellow bell? They didn’t even bother to choose a verb. It’s unacceptable.

Honestly, I like Dance Hall Days better…let me just check the lyrics on that one…”Take your baby by the hand…” – so far, so good – “…and make her do a high hand stand.” What? I mean…what?!?

Image result for hand stand

“Baby, hold my hand, I just want to be close to you tonight…and, now I command that you do a hand stand. Don’t ask questions, I’m Wang Chung!”

They go on to sing, “Take your baby by the heel, and do the next thing that you feel.” The only thing I would feel is that I looked like an idiot, leading my woman around by tugging on her heel and then insisting that she invert her body. Who takes anyone by the heel? I’m guessing English is their…fifth language?

Whatever. It’s almost time to ring in the New Year. Here’s to a lovely 2019 in which no one grabs you by the heel or asks you to drive a million miles for them. I hope you all have a great time yellow belling tonight.

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