Here’s the deal. As of February 3rd, this blog has received 2,313 comments…2,312 of which were submitted pre 2014. Clearly something needs to be done to remedy the situation. If this is going to be the year of super terrific fun time greatness for this blog, we are going to have to regain our former comment activity.
So I did a little research. There are a number of proven methods for increasing blog comments, and that number is seven. (All of which appear in convenient numerical order below). That’s right, rather than choosing one or two comment creating ideas as most people suggested, I am going to utilize all of them in this very blog post to maximize comment potential. In a historic, unprecedented internet move, I am crossing the streams and turning it up to eleven with this post – if there’s a way to get readers to comment, it’s going to appear below and no one will be immune…in all likelihood you’re already feeling the need to comment. That’s right, give in. It’s okay. All the cool kids are doing it. And you can comment as much as you darn well please. If anything below gets your ire up, sparks a thought, or compels you to lend a helping hand, this is your chance, let your voice be heard. Let’s do this thing. Let the comment-inducing tactics commence…
(1) Be controversial/Attack someone. Finnish people smell of cauliflower! Your aunt Linda is a bore! Poodles are ridiculous!
(2) Ask for help. Can somebody please tell me how to prepare a mint-infused bran muffin? What’s the best way to prepare for two thirds of a triathlon? How can I keep squirrels out of my kitchen?
(3) Be Unexpected. Sometimes I wear my socks in the shower. My favorite Jonas brother is Geraldo. 2 + 3 = 8.
(4) Take a Stand. Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods was the best movie of the year. Greatest invention of the twentieth century…Pez. Su Lin the giant panda for president!
(5) Make a Mistake for Readers to Correct. As everyone reading this probably already knows, the War of 1812 lasted over three years. Neptune, the seventh farthest planet from the sun, is a gas giant composed primarily of nitrogen and hydrogen. Pauly Shore is a fine actor.
(6) Ask a Question. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Where have all the cowboys gone?
(7) Add Links. Click here for a recipe for chocolate, mint, oat bran muffins. Check out this entertaining and informative BBC article on the exporting of Chinese giant pandas to U.S. zoos. And here’s a great article about how not to smell like cauliflower (are you paying attention, Finns?)
Okay, ball’s in your court…
MAKYA MCBEE VS. 
I might not comment on this post. Then again, maybe I will. I don’t know yet if I will. I’ll think about it.
Heather – I will probably respond to your comment.
*note – generally I respond to comments in bunches, but I am responding individually this time to artificially boost my comment count. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well. I’m sure you know that’s the LAST time my aunt Linda Poodlesdottir invites YOU over for her special Crunchy Cauliflower Casserole and “Mystery Mint” Muffins! She hadn’t really forgiven you yet for stepping on one of her squirrels in your wet socks the last time you visited, and now this! No WONDER you like Geraldo and Battle of the Gods. I hope you enjoy them, and pandas, and Pauly Shore (Okay–he IS a comic genius–have you seen his cowboy movie?) while sitting alone in your place, sucking on your precious, precious Pez!
oh, wait, almost forgot to add: Hmph!!
Babe – You’re right. The cowboy movie was a real winner.
Leave Aunt Linda alone. She hasn’t been the same since someone insulted her poodle. I am not surprised you wear socks in the shower. I’ve had you under surveillance for the last two years. You cannot keep squirrels out of the kitchen without insulting them. The meaning of life is MoonPie.
Becoming – You and I both know that there’s no way I’m going to start insulting squirrels. Not today. Not ever.
I wrote a paper about airing out the undercarriage of squirrels. Just sayin’ …
Jenny – If I had a dime for every person I knew who had written a paper about airing out the undercarriage of squirrels, I’d have twenty cents (surprisingly, I know one other person who has written a paper about airing out the undercarriage or squirrels).