What I Did Yesterday

Posted: September 17, 2016 in Odds and Ends
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. I got married yesterday. It’s a pretty good story if you’ve got a few minutes (actually, it’s a pretty good story regardless of how much time you have…how busy you are right now has absolutely no bearing on the quality of this yarn). I’m going to start where most of my favorite stories start – at the beginning.

I met Heather in high school. I could try and be really romantic and pretend like I remember the very first moment our eyes met, but I haven’t a clue. I can rarely remember where I left my keys, how can I be expected to remember something that happened in the late eighties? But we did meet there. Probably on the school bus as she lived less than a mile down the road from me. This was rural Virginia, so the bus ride to school each day was almost an hour – which left us plenty of time to date and fall in love.

But we didn’t do that. Instead, I focused on growing a mustache and writing my blog (unfortunately, blogs hadn’t been invented yet and this turned out to be a huge waste of time), and she focused on using Aqua Net to try to set the record for biggest hair in Nelson County. It was a simpler time. We were merely friends in high school who were in a few school plays together and then lost touch after graduation.

Twenty years passed.

I experimented with goatees, mutton chops and some McBee facial hair originals.

Her hair was reduced to a normal volume.

aqua

We reconnected via social media. She did some light stalking and I, having not been pursued by a member of the opposite sex since the Carter administration, remained completely oblivious to the fact that she was flirting with me. But I eventually caught on and we became a couple. One of our first romantic outings was a trip to Disneyland in 2012 on a rare day of Southern Californian drizzle. Southern Californians get frightened when water falls from the sky, so they mostly stay indoors until the meteorologist reassures them that the sun is back and will remain so for the next 207 days. Which meant that we had the run of the park. Splash Mountain had no line at all at one point and we rode it again and again without ever exiting our buoyant log. It was a fantastic day.

Other stuff happened.

We briefly tried living on the East coast (the water that falls from the sky there is sometimes frozen! Terrifying!). I asked her if she might like to get married. We ate lots of pizza.

So. We actually got engaged in February of 2014 (I planned a scavenger hunt that culminated in her digging a cylinder out of the snow between two pine trees in the moonlight – it seemed romantic at the time, but it ended up being fairly labor intensive for her…not sure that proposals should include manual labor, but it worked out in the end). We entertained various ways and times we’d get married, but little life things kept popping up and we put an actual ceremony on the back burner.

This past year, work became more stable for me and it was feeling like the right time to have the government officially recognize the fact that Heather and I were committed to getting the tax breaks that every heterosexual deserves.

We decided to just do a small wedding for ourselves. (We love our families, but they insist on living in the wilderness of Virginia despite the fact that it’s on the entire other side of the country and has really spotty wi-fi). Besides, neither one of us cared for the pomp and circumstance that often accompanies a ceremony. All too often the bride and groom end up overstressed and lose focus of why they’re having a wedding in the first place (to get the tax breaks every heterosexual deserves, duh…I’ve repeated this joke, just to make it abundantly clear that I find it absurd that any person should get any additional rights based on who they prefer to make out with). Above all, we wanted it to be fun.

We thought about Vegas. Have Elvis marry us. This sounded cool until someone informed me of the fact that Elvis Presley had died many, many years ago and the guy who would marry us was nothing but (and this is 100% true) an impostor! I don’t know how he gets away with it legally, but whatever.

Will Atkinson, an Elvis impersonator, in Oxford, Miss. on Wednesday, November 9, 2011.

                 But it looks just like him…

Then I remembered our trip to Disneyland. Why not get married in the happiest place on Earth? Well, I’ll give you one reason. You can only get married in Disneyland if you purchase one of their wedding packages that start at Way-More-Money-Than-I-Would-Ever-Spend-On-A-Wedding and go all the way up to Way-More-Money-Than-I-Have-Ever-Seen-In-One-Place-Except-For-In-Movies-About-Bank-Robberies-Gone-Wrong.

But then I thought…what about a covert Disney wedding? What about a covert Disney wedding while actually on the Splash Mountain ride? What about a covert Disney wedding while actually on the Splash Mountain ride with an eight-tier, vanilla hazelnut cake with chocolate ganache, pistachio mousse and butter cream frosting? Then I thought – it totally won’t work with the cake, but other than that – yeah. This could be epic.

Just one problem. Who would we get to officiate this wacky sneak wedding? So, back to the past for a moment. From 2001-2007, I worked in LAUSD classrooms. This was a great job because (a) I made a lot of awesome eight-year old friends and (b) working in an elementary school made me feel like a genius because I knew so many more of the answers than the students. I was lucky, because the school I worked at just happened to be full of mostly super cool kids. I’ve roughly stayed in touch with some of them through social media. One of these kids, let’s call him…Danny (because that’s his name), had posted a lot of photos of himself and his gal pal at Disneyland over the past year. So I ran it by Heather and we thought, what the heck – let’s call him up and say, “Hey, remember the tall guy sitting in the back of your grade school classroom that kept shouting out all of the answers with astounding accuracy? How would you like to get ordained online and marry that guy to his former high school cast member and stalker on a log flume ride in a super secret wedding in two weeks?” And the craziest part? He said sure.

So Heather and I got the marriage license. Danny got ordained. Alex (Danny’s girlfriend) probably said, “Okay, who is this again? And what are we doing? And…oh, we’re going to Disneyland? I’m on board.” Heather created some signs to hold for our wedding pictures courtesy of the Splash Mountain photo booth. I wrote the ten second vows for Danny to read on the thirty seconds of the ride that we could videotape before descending into the splash portion of the mountain. And we all giggled to ourselves – this is really fun.

And yesterday we did it. Alex hid the signs in her backpack. We got into a log with two other random people who are probably still saying to themselves, “Nah, they didn’t really just get married on that ride. Did they?” We went up the first hill and as our log eased into the water, Danny said, “We’re gathered here today in this log to celebrate one of life’s great rides – marriage.” Then he asked us if we took each other. And darned if we didn’t. Then we smooched. Then Alex said, “Wait, which button do I push to record?” Then Heather told Alex which button to push to record. Then Danny said his stuff again. Then Heather and I said our stuff again. Then we smooched again (bonus smooch!). Then the guy behind us thought, “What the hell is going on in the front of this log?” Then Alex grabbed the signs from her backpack and handed them back to us. Then we went down the first drop and we got unbelievably soaked – I thought our log was going to sink we were taking on so much water. Then I fumbled with my cell phone and managed to take three pictures of Heather’s shoulder, the back of my hand, and a dark blur which could be anything. Then we went up the hill for the big drop, readied our signs and this is what we got –

the-plunge

Sure, we could have walked down an aisle and had a bouquet and all those other things you see in the movies about beautiful weddings that take place before a bank robbery gone wrong…but I really like our story. It’s fun and quirky and unique. Yes, we all got drenched – but it’s certainly better to have cold feet after a wedding than before. Yes, our wedding photo includes a couple from Iowa (or so I tell myself) who have no idea why the rest of the people in their log seem to be operating with military precision – but I love the idea that our unconventional tale will spawn others. And, yes, we didn’t get a chance to register – but that doesn’t mean you still can’t send us a gift. Seriously. We’re accepting gifts.

So that’s the story of what I did yesterday. Feel free to share it with others. We are living in a world that could stand a few more stories of love and fun and generosity. All of which we experienced yesterday. Because when we take the plunge…we really take the plunge.

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Comments
  1. The very best wedding story EVER! I wish you both the best! Tax breaks are totes amazeballs!

  2. Aurora says:

    FYI I might not brag deceptive ceremony. This can get you banned from Disney parks for life.

  3. Rebecca says:

    True Disney fans don’t disrespect it by defying their practices and breaking their rules all to save a buck. Gross.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Rebecca – You’re absolutely correct. I thought it was a creative, quirky tale of love…but I forgot about the victim of my vicious actions – the 169.3 billion dollar company that I deprived of much needed income. I’ve turned the happiest place on Earth into the grossest. We chose Disneyland because it’s where dreams come true…but I’ve turned the whole affair into a nightmare. I couldn’t conceivably be any more sorry.

      • Rebecca says:

        Even better. Bash a business for charging for their services. Definitly true fans. Funny how success for a company means people are entitled enough to think they don’t have to pay them anymore. You would never do this to a small mom and pop business which is how this started out. Just because a business is successful doesn’t mean they owe you anything. Entitled and disrepectful.

      • Makya McBee says:

        The only thing I expect from Disneyland is to have a wonderful time – which I did. And all true fans, such as yourself no doubt, share in this vision of happiness and magic. Just as I’ve tried to spread a little love and kindness today with my story, so too have your comments demonstrated that you are filled with the wonder and joy of Disney. It’s great to have you as a reader.

      • Dan says:

        I haven’t laughed at a comment in awhile. Thanks for that.

      • Makya McBee says:

        Thanks, but I couldn’t have done it without Rebecca.

    • roxyhart1973 says:

      It’s ok, Makya. One Bitter, Poisoned Apple like Rebecca shouldn’t spoil the rest of the bunch. Sometimes a person we love, through no fault of his own, can’t see past the end of his nose. You’ve got to find your way and you will survive some way. In the World of Disney, Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. Through these love bashing comments, it sounds like their heart is grieving. If you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true. And, they did. This person has to look inside herself. She is more than what she has become. Your wedding was awesome! The most fantastic, magical things can happen, and it all starts with a wish. You’ve proven to us that you’re never too old to be young. Don’t let Rebecca’s comment get you down. The very things that hold you down are going to lift you up. Just keep swimming! Or in your case, paddling in the Splash Mountain log. Hopefully Rebecca will understand the true meaning of this story that you posted. “We are living in a world that could stand a few more stories of love and fun and generosity. All of which we experienced yesterday.” Even miracles take some time. The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. To quote Walt Disney that is posted at the entrance to the gates of Disneyland, “Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy.” Rebecca just needs to remember, Where there is kindness, there is goodness. And, where there is goodness, there is MAGIC!

      • Makya McBee says:

        Roxy – Please note: All blog comments must be shorter than the blog post one is commenting on…you’re pushing your luck. But thanks for all the cleverly arranged words in support of a wonderful day.

  4. Belle says:

    Really wouldn’t put this out there too much you can be banned from any Disney park for life for this! And I’ve found it circulating on a cast member page:/

    • Makya McBee says:

      Belle – I appreciate the concern, but I doubt Disney has a real vested interest in the fact that we spoke a few words on one of their rides. While our actions were meaningful to us, they had no effect on anyone else in the park. But thanks.

  5. Elizabeth Dodd says:

    Love the story! Congratulations…from your Mother-In-Law! (Gift’s in the mail)

  6. If you hate the mouse and its earnings so much why even try to rip the system? Its because you’re a cheap lying attention whore. Many people get married for virtually nothing, and hold integrity doing it by having the wedding they could afford.You chose to steal to have a cheap sham of a wedding. Marriage should be about trust, and honesty. You started yours with a lie and deception. Marriage should be about valuing your partner, you started yours by showing you value nothing but yourself through breaking rules for your selfish en-devour. I don’t think you’re emotionally stable enough to be married, nor do you have the values to maintain one. Enjoy your 30 seconds of sham, what a lesson for your future children on lack of integrity. Grow up you selfish pig, this is nothing to be proud of or brag about you’re nothing more than another Verucca Salt that should have had her butt spanked rather than the golden egg.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Bianca – Thanks for your kind words. We don’t hate Disneyland…we probably wouldn’t have gotten married there if we hated it. I’m not sure what you think we stole, or who you think we lied to – but I can tell you that you’ve stolen my heart with your thoughtful interpretation of our wedding. You might excuse me if I don’t take advice on emotional stability from someone who has a minor breakdown over the fact that two people she’s never met chose to exchange vows while floating, but other than that, I think your tone and language have demonstrated great emotional maturity and restraint. You make lovers and dreamers everywhere proud.

    • roxyhart1973 says:

      I posted this to another hateful commenter above. But, I’ll rearrange it so maybe Bianca Albone can understand, too. “It’s ok, Makya. One Bitter, Poisoned Apple like Bianca shouldn’t spoil the rest of the bunch. Sometimes a person we love, through no fault of his own, can’t see past the end of his nose. You’ve got to find your way and you will survive some way. In the World of Disney, Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. Through these love bashing comments, it sounds like their heart is grieving. If you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true. And, they did. This person has to look inside herself. She is more than what she has become. Your wedding was awesome! The most fantastic, magical things can happen, and it all starts with a wish. You’ve proven to us that you’re never too old to be young. Don’t let Bianca’s comment get you down. The very things that hold you down are going to lift you up. Just keep swimming! Or in your case, paddling in the Splash Mountain log. Hopefully Bianca will understand the true meaning of this story that you posted. “We are living in a world that could stand a few more stories of love and fun and generosity. All of which we experienced yesterday.” Even miracles take some time. The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. To quote Walt Disney that is posted at the entrance to the gates of Disneyland, “Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy.” Bianca Albone just needs to remember, Where there is kindness, there is goodness. And, where there is goodness, there is MAGIC!””

    • Koda Kerl says:

      Thank you Bianca! I too love spending my free time searching the internet for unique, romantic, and harmless love stories to bash! Is there a website of a blog that I could join to find more people like us! Obviously you and I understand how egregious this “attention whore’s” actions were. Me and you Bianca, we have a lot going on in our lives. I hope you told all of your friends about your awesome post at 6:07am on a Sunday morning, totally badass… I hope one day I will be as good at this as you… you truly are an inspiration!

      • Makya McBee says:

        Koda – As Walt Disney said, “Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, dreams are forever…and I HATE it when people express their love in my park.”

    • makeovermylifebookreviews says:

      Bianca Albone, you should read a book called, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life” by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. It’s a book about conquering Anger, Obsessiveness, Mental Instability and Impulsiveness. It might help you and your Anger problem. And, what is this desire of wanting to spank strangers’ butts?

  7. Anonymous says:

    Just think about this, really, people. It makes sense that Disney would have these wedding rules, and it has more to do with ensuring that everyone has a great time than getting the extra bucks from visitors. Weddings could cause a lot of congestion added to an already crowded place. If they are going to allow weddings, they will need a bit of control to keep things safe and enjoyable for all…hence the required ‘packages’. The hefty price is a marketing tool to control demand. ‘We really would rather you not have your wedding here, but if you really must, here is the deal.” Few will pay that price, keeping the distractions to a minimum. But that is not the case here. This was a fun, personalized ceremony that didn’t cause any congestion or difficulty for the park or the other visitors. No one was inconvenienced. I really doubt Disney minds this at all. They won’t say that because to do so will encourage others, and these things quickly get out of hand. I don’t work for Disney, and I could be totally wrong, but this is what makes sense to me. Congratulations on your wedding!

    • Makya McBee says:

      I think you’re exactly correct. Of course Disney can’t condone any sort of ceremonies in the park. But we were mindful of not being disruptive in any way (true story – we actually went to the photo booth before riding and asked permission to use the signs, and they said we were welcome to do so). I truly had no idea anyone would object to what I consider to be a fun little story. Thanks for brining a little reason into my blog comment section.

  8. Laura says:

    Y’all could have done this legally for only 2500 in a memories package, which is a bargain price for a wedding. What y’all did… romantic or not wasn’t right. I truly hope your marriage is happy though.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Laura – Not as much of a bargain as we got.

      • Mal says:

        This is sad. Bargain price for starting your life together by sneaking around 😦 it makes me feel so sad.

      • Makya McBee says:

        Mal – What a thoroughly peculiar correlation. When I spend money it makes you happy, and when I save money, it makes you sad. While this seems like a relatively useless power, I shall nonetheless try to use it responsibly. For example, I overpaid for a pair of slacks this weekend – that should cheer you up!

  9. jennycoxon says:

    I too am a fan of Disney and Disneyland. I have enjoyed many trips down the big drop on Splash Mountain while posing in silly arrangements with friends. I/we would have considered it an honor to be the extra(s) in your wedding photo. Even better, if that would have happened in some random, cosmic Be-In-The-Same-Place-At-The-Same-Time-With-Someone-You-Enjoy-Online-But-Have-Never-Met moment: icing on the cake. Anyway, my heartfelt congratulations and best wishes for many meaningful adventures to come for you and your bride. While composing this comment I’m feeling paranoid that you may make fun of my crude misunderstanding of grammar; I am steeling myself for upcoming correction. Again, back to the point of this comment: congratulations, health, and happiness to you both! Sincerely, your Number One Fan.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Jenny – Be careful, posing in silly arrangements can get you banned from Disney for life.

      Your grammar is impeccable. Your thoughts are much-appreciated. And we would have been honored to have you in the log, instead of Gary the dentist from Iowa (the more I think about that guy sitting behind me, the more his back story grows). Thank you so much.

  10. Hey, if this is what makes you happy, who am I to judge. I don’t exactly approve and I felt a little twinge of irritation at the idea of such a cheap, technically-against-the-rules wedding, but you do you. Disney’s not going to ban you for legally purchasing park tickets and legally riding a ride and saying some words. People do gag poses and bring signs onto Splash Mountain all the time. An officiant isn’t any legally binding position, and you didn’t have a plethora of guests or (from the looks of it) a distracting wedding gown. Basically, you were already married when you entered the park and took a picture to commemorate it, and had some fun. If you don’t want a 3000$ wedding with fanfare and ceremony and a fancy dinner? You do you. Let the princesses get their panties in a bunch.

    My one question: Why rickety old Splash Mountain? GROSS. I hate that ride! Song of the South is probably the worst film Disney has ever made. Go back and do it on Space Mountain!

    And in the end, your blog is getting a lot of traffic from this, so who wins?

    • Makya McBee says:

      Breana – I agree that Song of the South is an unfortunate movie and I really wish that the ride we had so much fun on was based on…any other Disney film. It just happened that we had a really nice memory associated with that ride from our first visit there. But I give you credit for raising an actual legitimate concern – were we somehow supporting a racist movie? But I don’t think that’s the case, any more than if someone likes the movie Lethal Weapon they are rendered anti-Semitic due to Mel Gibson’s comments. We like that ride because of our experience in the park on one of our first dates. It’s that simple. And I’m 6’4″ and Space Mountain has zero leg room.

  11. makeovermylifebookreviews says:

    These cyber-bullies are bashing your wedding because it wasn’t the Norm. Most people are Normal, boring, plain and used to Traditional. Most people do not want to get out of their Comfort Zones because it is a scary thing to them. They are boring sitting in their boring lives, waiting for someone or something to do something so crazy and fun and loving as this. Since they don’t have crazy, fun and loving in their lives, they have to beat down the people that are having fun in theirs.

    Had your marriage been the traditional-stuffy-so overlydone-big fluffy wedding that you have to put out a second mortgage on your house to fund-that everyone begrudgingly goes to (I’m serious, no one likes going to those weddings, even their friends that are in the wedding party that they have to ply with alcohol), then you wouldn’t have had any comments. Mostly these Trolls are so upset that you did a very unique wedding that was personal and intimate and they didn’t think of something like that. Is there a thing as “Wedding Envy”? Possibly you have just started the trend. These other people are being so catty about something that is very sweet and you all actually put thought into it, instead of the actual Cookie Cutter Wedding. Their comments are dripping with jealousy and can’t see the overall picture. And who did you hurt in doing this wedding? No one. Except, I guess you hurt the feelings of these cyber-bullies. Awwww.

  12. Sue says:

    Busted!!! So are those cast members that allowed that photo to be released, shame on your for getting them in trouble.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Sue – We asked the photo booth if it would be okay to hold up signs before we did it and they said it was no problem. Also, I’m not sure you understand how “Busted!!!” works. I volunteered the information (in an effort to spread a little joy) – one does not yell, “busted!” after a voluntary confession. It’s like waiting for someone to turn themselves into the police and shouting, “I caught you!” But I’m glad to add a little excitement to your day.

  13. […] When on the ride, they squeezed the vow exchange into the section before the first drop and pulled out the signs for the final splash down. The end result is a great photo and a story they can tell their grandchildren. See the photo from Splash Mountain and read the rest of the story over on Makya’s blog. […]

  14. Tammi says:

    I hope you write for a living because you definitely have a way with words. I really enjoyed your story and especially loved the creative way you told it. To all the haters, I can see them having a problem if you invited along 100 people and took over the entire ride to have your wedding, but you were just 4 people on a ride not bothering anybody (except maybe the other 2 people in your log). I bet if they see this story though, they will treasure that picture forever!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Tammi – I hope you give compliments for a living, because you know what you’re doing. In fact, I do (when I’m not committing treason at Disneyland) write for a living. Thanks for seeing this blog post and our wedding for what it was – an expression of joy. Cheers!

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