Top Ten Hypotheticals About Gwyneth Paltrow’s Daughter

Posted: July 9, 2013 in Lists
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. I know what it’s like to grow up with an unusual name, so creating this list gives me no pleasure. But somebody had to do it.

(11) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter grows up to own and operate a towing company, she could call it Apple’s Jacks.

(10) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter marries a family member of the renowned fashion designer and Project Runway judge, she’d be Apple Kors.

Gwyneth Paltrow at the 2000 Toronto Internatio...


(9) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter develops an interest in bell-ringing, we could all enjoy the sounds of Apple’s peals.

(8) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter grows up to be an optometrist, she could very well be the Apple of my eye.

(7) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter ever turns to a life of crime, she’ll be one bad Apple.

(6) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter becomes a bodybuilder, we’d all go to her contests to see the big Apple.

(5) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter grows up, gets married, and is constantly hogging the bed, her husband may have to say, “Apple, turn over.”

(4) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter has a tree house, I bet her parents would put mattresses around the base of the trunk, because, should she stumble, the Apple never falls far from the tree.

(3) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter decided to ride a jet ski and fell off, her friends might have to go bobbing for Apple.

(2) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter takes an IQ test and scores 140, she’ll be an Apple genius.

(1) If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter and I become friends and I have the opportunity to introduce her to my dad’s mom, Wilma Smith, I will say, “Granny Smith, Apple.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Apple Snapple

  2. Angie says:

    And if Paltrow’s daughter wants to produce honey, she would be getting it from Apple’s bees…

  3. heather1 says:

    If Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter was at the beach and she got too much sun…she’d be a baked apple.

  4. Jenny says:

    Your mind is a wondrous thing.

  5. Josha says:

    she’s so young at this point it’s hard to say which of these may come true, she’s still just a green apple.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Anonymous – A valid point if ever there was one.

      Angie – Oh…snap…or Snapple…Angie, have you met anonymous?

      Heather – Apple crisp? Now these comments are really cookin’

      Jenny – Thank you. I previously did all of my wondering with my elbow, but my mind is doing a much better job of it.

      Josha – Color me impressed with all of these comments.

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