Vs. Former Haircuts

Posted: January 7, 2013 in Behavior
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. As I crawl towards my fourth decade of life (and I’m not speaking metaphorically, my knees are shot and I’m actually down on all fours), I’ve noticed something. If you show anyone a picture of themselves from twenty years ago, they are almost guaranteed not to like their hair. Recent studies conducted entirely within my brain indicate that nearly 97% of all adults regret their teenage hair.And this has been happening for a long time. Cave paintingologists have determined that some Paleolithic images are actually crude prehistoric yearbooks. No doubt Neanderthals would stand around the cave lamenting their former hairstyles. “Ugh, me no believe thought cool to wear bone in hair.”

And it’s been happening ever since…

Actress Louise Brooks in 1927, wearing bobbed ...

This is cool every ninety years.

In the 1920’s, women were sporting the bob cut, until they grew up and looked back at their misspent youth. By this time, their sons were now rocking the Pompadour, until they also matured and saw the folly of their ways. By this time, the daughters of the former Pompadourians were strolling out of salons with beehives, but time would prove this too was a do don’t. The beehive ladies eventually had children of their own who proudly pruned their locks into mullets, Mohawks and perms. The years continued to pass and, thankfully, the perms weren’t as permanent as their name suggested because the trend of hair regret continued. The next generation went for scrunchies, mall bangs, cornrows and “The Rachel”. But now friends of Friends regret their former styles just as everyone who came before them. Today, it’s all about side swept bangs, shag cuts, loose up dos and face-framing layers (I have no idea what any of that means). But here’s my guess…twenty years from now you’re all going to look back with shame at what is currently the height of fashion. And what’s in for 2013? According to a couple of sites, it’s the bob cut. Alas, if only the twenty-somethings of the 1920 somethings were still alive today…they could finally look back proudly on their ghosts of haircuts past.

How does this continue to happen? How is it that whatever we choose as our main look always ends up looking like a mane mistake? Is it simply a byproduct of aging? Are we destined to eternally be embarrassed by our former selves?
Actually, there is hope. Justin Bieber famously sported what I affectionately call the “hair smear” across his forehead. But last year he paid someone way too much money to de-shag him. Is it possible that this represent a major evolution in the history of hair awareness? If Justin was able to regret his former hair while still a teenager, there truly is hope for future generations. After all, the sooner we can get through the first stage of aging – regret, the sooner we can get to the next stage…


  1. heather1 says:

    I loved my Permullet in high school. Made me so popular 🙂

  2. Josha says:

    around 20 years ago i had a long, long rat tail, sometimes in three braids. sooo,… i guess i’m in the 97%!

  3. Jenny says:

    I’m just going to copy Justin Bieber. His hairdos that is, not the tattoos.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Heather – The permullet? Are there pictures available for our mocking appreciation?

      Josha – As you may recall, I briefly sported the reverse rat tail…coming right down the middle of my face…and I wouldn’t change a thing.

      Jenny – All of my life’s successes have started with me saying, “I’m just going to copy Justin Bieber.”

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