How I Learned to Love Bananas -or- Why I Will Never Eat a Banana Again -or- How To Get More Comments on Your Blog

Posted: November 5, 2012 in How To
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. I started this blog in the summer of 1978 and I’ve seen a lot of trends. In the eighties, my blog did fairly well, but people couldn’t comment because they were too busy worrying about the Cold War, bemoaning the Exxon Valdez spill, playing Pac-Man, purchasing kick-ass boom boxes and enjoying the heart-warming tale of an alien left behind in Spielberg’s classic E.T. – which taught us all the danger of Reese’s Pieces addiction. In the nineties, my blog enjoyed moderate success, but everyone was talking about the Lewinsky scandal, wondering at the marvel of Dolly the cloned sheep, rushing to movie theaters to enjoy the heart-breaking Titanic, jamming out to the Spice Girls and buying their kids the hottest new toy, Tamagotchi – the digital pet that children would feed, entertain, and clean up after that taught us all a valuable lesson…if you fail to properly care for your pets, you can always reset them. Then, in the 2000’s, blogs were actually invented and my traffic nearly doubled.

But lately my blog comments have been on a perilous decline. I won’t bore you with the numbers. My site has a total of 174 posts and 2,162 comments. That’s an average of 12.425287 comments per blog post. (I didn’t bore you with the numbers…because they weren’t boring, they were riveting). Lately, however, I’ve been averaging closer to zero comments.

Spice Girls at the O, da esquerda para a direi...

So tell me what you want, what you really, really want. I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna really, really, really wanna more comments on my blog.

So, let’s get to work.

I found an article on wordpress about how to get more comments on your blog. I’ve pulled some quotes so that we can learn together…

  1. “You won’t get comments until people visit your blog.” This is what I’d call really solid advice. I’m going to give this some serious thought…
  2. “Have a clear and strong position in your posts. Clarity in writing helps readers form their own opinion to share. A post titled “I’m not sure if I like bananas” is less likely to compel a response than “How I learned to love bananas” or “Why I will never eat a banana again”.  Done and done.
  3. “Start conversations. In real life, most conversations start by reciprocation. “How is your day going?” “Fine. And you?” At minimum, end posts with a question inviting people to answer. I can do this. I had a conversation once.
  4. “Run a contest. Running a competition where you give a prize away, say a $25 amazon gift certificate, to a randomly chosen comment on a post, can encourage many first time commenters, as well as new readers to your blog.” I’ve got to be honest, I don’t have a spare twenty five bucks lying around…and I’ve never even been to the Amazon…but it’s a good idea and I will come up with a tremendously exciting contest for my next post.
  5. “Tell relatable stories. A post where you offer a story that your readers can relate to invites participation. For example, if your blog is about baking cakes, and you share a story about how you messed up a recipe with disastrous yet entertaining consequences, it’s easy to ask readers to share their stories of similar disasters.” Funny they should say that because just yesterday I was trying to bake a cake and something wildly entertaining and somewhat disastrous occurred. Has this ever happened to you?
  6. “Make a post out of the best comments from your readers. If you see a fantastic comment on your blog, create a post where you quote what they said (and link to their blog if they have one). Show your readers that you value and read their contributions, and more people will be motivated to comment in the future.” Darn tootin’. I will now officially be collecting the best comments in the following month and posting an end-of-the-year best comments post. I’ll be handing out the internet’s first ever Commenties, a series of awards for the best and brightest comments the web has to offer.

Okay, that should be enough to get me started. I anticipate an unprecedented slew of comments to this post (I even changed my theme for the first time since I’ve had this blog…the comment bubble is now much larger and clearly labeled for ease of access). If 12.43 of you can comment I’ll be above my average and will immediately share this exciting news with my Tomagotchi…oh, whoops, he’s dead again. Regardless, it’ll be a happy day in the McBee household and my blog will be back on track to being the most popular thing ever in the history of the world. Which I know is what we all really, really want.

Oh…and, um, how is your day going?

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Comments
  1. heathersnyder1 says:

    Yayyyy first reader to comment to this post…or as friends would write in the center of High School yearbooks…”first to sign your crack”.

  2. heathersnyder1 says:

    P.S. like the title as well as the content…as always 🙂

  3. I was frankly expecting more content about bananas. Are you planning a follow up post to address this issue?

  4. suzpain says:

    I don’t usually comment on your blogs because stalkers usually don’t announce their presence. But as a good stalker, I was hoping to glean a little insight into your love or hate of bananas. Could you elaborate on your feelings toward the banana so I may add this info to your file…I might one day like to send a fruit basket and Id like to know if I should include or exclude bananas…

  5. speaker7 says:

    My day is going well. Thanks for asking. How is your day going? ….um….so how do I end this exchange in an non-awkward fashion?

  6. slanger1 says:

    Ha! This is a comment.

  7. I agree with suzpain you need to elaborate on your feelings toward bananas. I already know you do not like crunch peanut butter…I was disappointed but I still ❤ you, nonetheless.

  8. karan90 says:

    This is *NOT* a comment.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Heather – Many thanks…titles and contents are my speciality.

      Becoming – wordpress suggested the banana title…I did not realize that would lead directly to banana content (I’m always shocked by how many things in life lead directly to banana content)…I will actively consider addressing the banana issue in the next year or two.

      Suz – I love bananas…but hate their attitude…and don’t get me started on baskets…

      Speaker – Nothing awkward about it. And my days are going well as well. Usually for twelve hours at a time.

      Slanger – It’s difficult to know how to respond to a comment whose only content is to correctly identify itself as a comment, but I think I’ve done as well as could be expected under such tough conditions.

      Jenn – I had to look up that emoticon as I had no idea what it meant (at first I thought it was a little tushy and you were mooning me), now that I know what it means…thanks for commenting…and double thanks for not mooning.

      Karan – Oh, don’t try to trick me…despite your objections, that is clearly a comment. This, however, is not a response to a comment.

  9. Sowhatnow? says:

    I’m writing a comment full of thoughtful, and world changing advice.

  10. Josha says:

    I picture a young Makya, lets say maybe a 12 year old Makya, young, innocent, full of vigour. On this particular day excited to be experiencing his first carnival. he plays a game, his first ever carnival game, for the reasonable price of one shiny new dollar, given to him by a kindly old gentleman. he plays the game with great skill and accuracy… and wins! now comes the prize, a few options are available but the 12 year old Makya gives it little thought, he knew before what he was playing for, it was his inspiration to win, it was… a Super Banana! through the years, ways and means changed, and little young Makya turned into a young man, and then a little older man, but through it all he cherished his super banana, and it taught him to love and respect the banana and all of it’s fantastic nutrient rich and life giving properties, and it constantly inspired him to eat bananas. you might say “he learned to love bananas”(I wouldn’t though). after years of wonderful life, Makya and his best friend the Super Banana, there came one of those “fateful days”. it started a day like any other day, but it ended as a day of infamy for Makya, it was the day when he came home, only to find that he couldn’t find his Super Banana. he searched high and low, near and far, but to no avail. he turned to the lone banana on his counter top, could this be the Super Banana, now just looking like a regular banana(Super Bananas “alter ego”)? he vowed not to eat it, just in case. but after a week he found it was just a bit rotten, then after another week, it was a lot rotten. it couldn’t be his Super Banana after all. He then came to realize that of the thousands if not more than thousands of bananas in the world, any one of them might be his Super Banana in it’s “alter ego” form, as he assumed it must now be. So on that day he vowed, out loud “I will never eat a banana again.” …Well that’s my theory on how Makya learned to love bananas, and why Makya will never eat a banana again. As far as how to get more comments on your blog, i can’t help you there,… well i guess i can help by 1. this is a comment.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Josha – What can I say? It’s like you’ve opened a window into my soul…peered into my very essence, filtered out all the rubbish, and (almost) succinctly defined what it is to be me. And I don’t mind saying that you moved me to tears…not with the Super Banana story, but when you said, “As far as how to get more comments on your blog, I can’t help you there,” I just couldn’t stop crying. If you can’t help me, who can? If only I had Super Banana…

  11. Jenny says:

    I have discovered that in the absence of a knife and in the presence of a banana that bends instead of breaking at the stem, tearing the banana open from the bottom works just fine. I have since observed that this is also how apes regularly open bananas. I don’t know how I feel about that. How does that make you feel?

    • Makya McBee says:

      Pretty Toe – RECEIVED

      Jenny – Oddly I have no emotional response to this information. I suppose, if anything, I’m somewhat pleased that the apes will be able to find nourishment sans knives.

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