I Loves Me Some Blog Comment Spam

Posted: June 27, 2012 in Internet
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. I think that spam is the poetry of the technological age. There’s something so unique and lyrical about the language. I’ve previously discussed these unwanted emails here, here and here. And the more I am exposed to them, the greater my affection for this stylistic art form.

Typically, my blog receives a handful of spam messages each week. But something unusual happened recently. I posted my take on the world-ending perils of gay marriage and my sentiments resonated to some degree as it became my third most popular post since creating this blog. (What are the top two? Well, number one is merely because it was my single experience being freshly pressed and number two is due to the fact that it gets more search engine traffic than anything else I’ve written). For reasons I don’t quite understand, this particular post was flooded with close to a thousand spam comments. And, for the good of the human race, I waded through them and found this gem…

“My wife and i ended up being so fortunate when Edward managed to finish up his basic research through your precious recommendations he obtained using your web page. It’s not at all simplistic to simply choose to be freely giving secrets that many many others have been trying to sell. Therefore we recognize we have got you to appreciate for that. The explanations you have made, the simple site navigation, the friendships you can make it possible to instill – it is mostly amazing, and it’s leading our son in addition to us reckon that the article is cool, and that is exceptionally important. Thanks for all the pieces!

Delbert Flugum”

CG depiction of Gollum created by Weta Digital...

Precious…my precious…my precious recommendations…

Delbert Flugum? Delbert? Flugum? Is that not the best name ever? The message is fantastic, and the name is the cherry on top of this spam comment sundae.

Firstly, I’m thrilled to have been able to assist Edward with his research on gay marriage. I’m not sure specifically which “precious recommendations” were helpful (after all, there are so many precious recommendations on my blog), but I’m glad they helped. Perhaps when young Eddie moves beyond “basic” research to something more in-depth, I can recommend additional precious resources for the lad.

And I can’t count the number of times I’ve thought to myself, “It’s not at all simplistic to simply choose to be freely giving secrets.” Amen, brother. At its essence, that’s what my blog is all about. It’s not at all simplistic to simply simplify my blog into one simple statement, but you pulled it off Delbert. Thank you for understanding me so deeply. It is, in fact, you who have instilled a friendship in me.

And, of course, you’re more than welcome for all the pieces. I just want to officially express my gratitude for all of your pieces. Your pieces of sentences which, when fully assembled, very nearly make coherent thoughts. It’s as if you’re almost a real person. And that’s a lot more than I can say for some people.

Mr. Flugum, i reckon it is you who are mostly amazing as you have simplistically instilled precious insight into the pieces of my heart.

  1. speaker7 says:

    I find this blog post cool, that is exceptionally important to me.

  2. You realize that his son, Edward , is a vampire, right?

    I reckoned that this article was cool, as well.

  3. heathersnyder1 says:

    Hmmmm…Delbert and Edward Flugum…I really want to know what the wife’s name is.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Speaker – Thanks, Delbert (that’s right…I know your real name).

      Becoming – I had no idea I was supporting the research of the undead. Dang it.

      Heather – I’m guessing it’s Florence Flugum.

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