Here’s the deal. I’m no fan of orange. I am, of course, referring to the color, not the fruit. Oranges are delicious. So delicious, that the color tried to jump on the bandwagon. You see, the color is named after the fruit, not, as many assume, the other way around. This lame color was previously called geoluread. Pretty, huh? Then, thief that it is, orange stole its name from one of our favorite fruits. It’s despicable.
And it’s a shame, because orange has good ingredients. Yellow? It’s good. Red? Even better. But put them together and you get the blandest, least interesting color around.
I’ve got so many issues with orange. For starters, it occurs in the visible spectrum at a wavelength of about 590-620 nanometers. I have no idea what this means, but it sound pretty pretentious. “Oh, look at me, occurring at 605 nanometers, I’m so cool, I’m so visible at a certain wavelength, check me out, I’m orange.”
And what exactly does orange stand for? Most colors evoke emotions. We all know what it’s like to be tickled pink, to be green with envy or to see red, but have you ever been feeling orange? Of course not. Orange is a cold, hard color. It has no feelings.
And most colors are symbols for universally recognizable ideas. We all know what it to live green. We know what a gray area is. And everyone knows what it means to wave a white flag. What has orange got? Oh yeah, it’s the national color of the Netherlands. Fantastic. What was the land of Nether thinking? Of all the colors in the world…
Orange does have one thing. Those orange construction cones. So orange symbolizes inconvenience and long delays and potential danger. Way to go, orange. Another winner.
If you still don’t believe me, consider this. When a member of our society commits a terrible crime, they are sent away to live in a tiny cell. And then, their final punishment, they are forced to wear orange jump suits. Oh, there’s a reason those outfits aren’t blue or silver. They’re being punished by being forced to wear the worst color from head to toe. Cruel and unusual? You betcha.
I say it’s time we start only eating those funky, purple-colored carrots. I say it’s time we boycott the Netherlands until they reconsider the whole orange thing. I say we should only produce those cool, red, white and blue, Harlem Globetrotter’s basketballs. And we should also start playing that “Sweet Georgia Brown” song more often. It’s unrelated. That’s just a really cool song.