Here’s the deal. Let me be clear, I’m against May Day, not mayday. I certainly don’t want to take away the ability for mariners and aviators to exercise a distress call should the situation warrant. I just don’t think that, after they’ve been rescued, they need to celebrate this absurd spring festival.
May Day? Really? They didn’t even give it a legitimate holiday name. They know it’s just a day in May, and that’s exactly what they call it. What’s next? July Day? November Day? Tuesday? These aren’t holidays, they’re just days.
But for the sake of argument, let’s see just exactly what May Day has to offer. Traditional May Day festivities include: raising a maypole for the maypole dance, and…what? That’s the only one? Oh. Well.
And while I’m sure that strippers everywhere relish the opportunity to, one day a year, dance around a much larger pole…and keep their clothes on…what’s in it for the rest of us? The ability to prance about for a few minutes, tangling up some ribbons and then wondering who is going to take this ridiculous pole down?
A pole does not a holiday make.
At least Festivus also has the airing of grievances and the feats of strength.
Not to mention the fact that we don’t need to be celebrating spring. Spring is way overrated. Most people fail to recognize that it is only the third best season. Establish an authorized, working celebration of autumn and then I’ll have my people call your people to consider the idea of recognizing spring.
You know why people call out, “Mayday!” when there’s an impending disaster? When the boat’s going down, what the captain means to say is, “We’re in serious trouble over here! We need some help! This is not going well at all! It’s almost as bad as that time I was forced into a celebration of May Day!” But they didn’t have time to say all of this, so they shortened it.
So just stop it. Stop it with the flowing dresses and flowers in your hair and weaving in and out holding ribbons. And stop it with the pole. There’s a local school that puts up a maypole each year and you know what I think when I pass by? Nothing. It’s just a pole. It doesn’t make me think of anything. Except maybe, why do people keep putting that pole up?
And then I get back to planning my Autumn Day celebration.