Vs. Bed, Bath & Beyond, Round Three

Posted: April 29, 2012 in Odds and Ends
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. I give up. Karma is a no go. I’ve had a number of career and other opportunities this past month and not a one has come to fruition. I’ve had much more disappointment in my life since I started trying to be positive. And yesterday was the last straw…another Bed, Bath & Beyond catalog arrived in the mail.

Back when this blog was just a toddler, I twice versused the folks at Bed, Bath & Beyond (here and here) because of their useless products. And yet they continue to taunt me with their high-production value, full-color catalogs. If that’s how you want it, triple B, I’m game. If the world wants me to revert to complaining about what’s wrong with it…who am I to say no?

It’s versus time.

Let’s start with this lovely product – the Kan Jam.

They call it “the ultimate disk game.” I call it some guy throwing his Frisbee away. Seriously, this is forty bucks for a cheap, plastic trash can. This isn’t a game, it’s taking out the garbage. I wonder if they make specialized trash cans where I can discard the other items I buy at their store.

Next, let’s take a look at this gem, it’s Fridge Binz!

These plastic trays are designed to “maximize refrigerator space.” Yes, just imagine trying to store those six yogurt containers without the bin…it would take up the exact same amount of space…minus, of course, the space taken up by the bin itself. Explain again how something that takes up additional space is going to save you space? Just look at the picture. This product is truly and absolutely serving no purpose whatsoever. Buy Fridge Binz! – It will…sit there.

And, for just $8.99, you can head on down to Bed and the other two and pick yourself up a nice, new “fingertip towel.” If you’re like me, every time you finish drying your hands you’re overcome with frustration at how you simply can’t get your fingertips dry. Sure my palms are arid as a desert, but my fingertips are dripping wet! The new fingertip towel, it’s like a hand towel, only smaller, and much more useless.

Oh, no, not this, it’s a hanging flip flop organizer.

Who has this many pairs of flip flops? Who?!? Nobody. NOBODY needs a different pair of flip flops for each day of the week. Even if there were a flip flop ambassador, he could get away with, say, three pairs. Imelda Marcos owned nearly three thousand pairs of shoes and she didn’t have this many flip flops. If you have so many pairs of flip flops that they need to be organized…then you are fictional. Nobody likes flip flops this much. It’s not human. I believe the invention of the hanging flip flop organizer is the first sign of the Apocalypse.

Look, if you want to make bed products. Pillows and sheets and what not. Go ahead. If you want to make bath products. Soap and shower curtains and the like. Fine. But enough’s enough with the Beyond. This stuff is beyond useless. It’s beyond ridiculous. Please rename your store Bed, Bath & That’s It.

I’m back, baby.

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Comments
  1. karan90 says:

    Yayyyyyy!!!!!!!!! Thank you for coming back.

  2. speaker7 says:

    People who see the glass as half-full usually got the water from their fridge binz.

  3. Ya are whatcha are, no apologies. Unfortunately, you’re wrong about the flip-flops. Females between the ages of 15 and 32 have a minimum of a dozen pairs, and as you may know, “need” has no relation to footwear. Flip-flops may actually be like those plastic grocery bags — one minute there are two in a dark, closed drawer; when you open it, they’ve had a litter of six.

  4. Lokyra Stone says:

    The only reason I have more than one pair of flip flops is because they are like sunglasses. I can never find them until I’ve gone and bought another pair.
    I like the fridge binz. They speak to my sense of absurdity.

  5. YESSSSS!!!! I can sleep soundly tonight knowing that you’re back on top scathing form. Scathe away old chum, scathe away.

  6. heathersnyder1 says:

    The Fingertip Towel-for people that only wash the fingertips? I don’t trust those people…in fact I don’t trust people who don’t wash…their hands in general!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Karan – There’s nothing like a hiatus from the norm to bring out fans you never knew you had. You’re quite welcome. Feel free to comment more than once a year.

      Speaker – That comment is two-thirds full, well done.

      Queen – While I am no expert on feminine footwear, I am wary of your claim. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never met anyone with a dozen pairs of flip flops, and I mean to keep it that way.

      Lokyra – If you like Fridge Binz, then you’ll love my new product the Box Box. It’s a box that neatly holds one box.

      Pretty Feet Pop Toe (you do have a space bar on your keyboard, no?) – I made an insomnica sleep soundly…my work here is done.

      Heather – If you buy the fingertip towel, you also must purchase the finger towel, the back of the hand towel, the wrist towel and the palm towel.

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