A New Art Form for the Information Age – Blog Comment Spam

Posted: April 19, 2012 in Internet
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. 4,398 hours ago I addressed blog comment spam with this post. Critics loved it, lovers were critical of it, and some may have said, “The internet will never be the same.” Well, I guess they were wrong, because I’m back to talk about blog comment spam once more, and make the internet the same again.

I don’t know how these spam comments are created, but they manage to mangle the English language in a unique and wonderful way. I imagine some ESL evil scientist assembling blog compliments by entering random verbs and nouns into his Almost Grammatically Correct Spam Maker 2000 Super Computer in an attempt to take over the World Wide Web. Well, I say kudos to you and your fellow blog comment spammers, you have created a new literary genre and you deserve some recognition.

Drawing of a testing machine for analyzing str...

The Almost Grammatically Correct Spam Maker 2000 Super Computer

And this past week, in response to my “Baby Hippo Teeth Are Awesome” post, I received my favorite blog comment spam yet…

“A formidable share, I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing somewhat analysis on this. And he in fact purchased me breakfast as a result of I found it for him..smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to debate this, I feel strongly about it and love reading more on this topic. If potential, as you become experience, would you thoughts updating your blog with more particulars? It’s extremely helpful for me. Huge thumb up for this weblog submit!”

Let’s break it down…

“A formidable share.” This is a little oxymoronic, isn’t it? I wonder how many parents teach their children to share formidably. “Son, I want you to go out there and share. And I want those you share with to know full well that it was you who just shared with them…and to fear your name.”

“I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing somewhat analysis on this.” I was surprised to find that anyone other than me was analyzing baby hippo teeth. Then again, this person was only somewhat analyzing the subject. Somewhat analyzing is perfect for those with ADD and those who simply don’t care. “Are you analyzing those results?” “Eh, somewhat.”

“He in fact purchased me breakfast as a result of I found it for him..smile.” Check it out, a new punctuation mark – the double period. When your pause is more than one found at the end of a sentence, but less than one indicated by ellipsis. And who needs emoticons when you’ve got the actual word?

“Thnx for the deal with!” Not a problem. You’re very welcome…for the deal with. I’m glad you enjoyed the deal with. I’ll do my best to continue to provide my readers with the deal with in the future.

“If potential, as you become experience, would you thoughts updating your blog with more particulars?” I do not yet have a response to this question. I’ve hired a team of world-renowned linguists who are working around the clock to decode just what I’m being asked.

“Huge thumb up for this weblog submit!” It’s always nice to be appreciated…and I hope your thumb gets better.

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Comments
  1. heathersnyder1 says:

    “And he in fact purchased me breakfast as a result of I found it for him..smile.”
    I’m jealous that the commentor got free breakfast out of the deal…what’s a girl got to do to get free breakfast around here?

    “Huge thumb up for this weblog submit!”
    Well, I give five huge thumb up for this weblog submit…now…somebody buy me breakfast.

  2. heathersnyder1 says:

    Sorry…COMMENTER!

  3. I do not share formidably. I share contagiously. Care for some whooping cough?

  4. speaker7 says:

    From this day forward, I plan to teach my son to be The Formidable Sharer. His first day of day care will involve terror and the sharing of legos.

    I think my favorite spam came from a guy who professes his love of shooting machine guns.

  5. Lokyra Stone says:

    I will start selling comment spam breakfasts. I WILL BE RICH!!!!

  6. heathersnyder1 says:

    @Lokyra-Spam for breakfast! Sign me up 🙂

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