Financial Advice 101: How to Succeed in Money Management Without Really Trying

Posted: April 16, 2012 in Odds and Ends
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. In honor of one of my favorite authors, Douglas Adams, I am proud to present the fourth in my three part series “Makya McBee Changes the Focus of His Blog to Expose More People to His Blog and Save the World.” Part Four – Financial Advice.

Sure, some people turn to money gurus on TV to tell them how to work their way out of debt. But what do these people know? They’re all rich. Who knows more about the topic than a man who has spent his entire adult life in debt? I graduated from college in 1996, and I still haven’t put a dent in my college loans…and that makes me a financial expert.

Here’s my first piece of advice – get some money. There are many ways to get cash. Work. Find a pile of money. Okay, there are two ways to get cash. Regardless, you should get some.

Mug shot of Charles Ponzi (March 3, 1882 – Jan...

Charles Ponzi's mug shot

Moving on.

Now you should invest that dough. I know what you’re thinking, “Should I invest in stocks? Bonds? Mutual Funds? Real Estate?” The answer is yes. Why not? They all sound pretty professional.

A note on real estate – make sure it’s real estate. I made the mistake of purchasing some abandoned lots in Narnia and investing in some Neverland property and I can tell you that fake estate investments do not pay off. The land I bought is Pixie Hollow adjacent, and I still can’t unload it.

But you probably want specifics. Many hot shot Wall Street types will try and predict future trends and invest in the next big thing. I’m here to tell you to play it safe. Invest in those things that people will always need – staples. Think about it. People will always have piles of paper. And there will always be only one way for them to keep these piles from blowing away. Wait a second…paper clips! They’re just like staples, but it’s easier to detach the papers. Yes, definitely invest in paper clips.

Another hint – if you find yourself looking for a financial advisor, avoid people with punny names. I mean, is it really any surprise that a guy named Bernie Madoff made off with his investors money? It’s like investing with Frank Moneygoaway or Suzy Loseitall. And what about those people who invested with Charles Ponzi in the 20’s? His name is Ponzi. And you’re not expecting a Ponzi Scheme? Common sense, people.

I guess that’s it. Make some money. Buy low, sell high. Paper clips. It’s really not that difficult. Sorry to rush out of here, but I’ve got an appointment to talk to a guy about buying a summer home overlooking Mermaid’s Lagoon…

  1. speaker7 says:

    I just placed a $5 monopoly bill by a paper clip. I’m figuring this is a pretty good investment.

  2. heathersnyder1 says:

    I would invest in towels.

  3. If you want to make money you need to realize that the only people constantly selling high and buying low are leprechauns and unicorns. I haven’t been able to catch one yet to interrogate them about the market timing techniques.
    Stick to a simple strategy, buy the world and everything under the sun. Buy a select number (up to 5) of ETF (exchange traded funds) that will represent the worlds markets. Then sit back and watch the amount slowly grow… as one region falls, another rises. The end result is a slow but steady increase. There will never be a sharp volatile drop, and if all of the world’s markets collapse at once… well I think money will be the least of your worries by then.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Speaker – A great investment. You’ll turn that pink bill into a blue bill in no time.

      Heather – Douglas Adams would certainly approve.

      Cheddar – That’s way too serious an answer with too much actual information for me to fully comprehend. Bottom line…buy unicorns?

      • Haha well if you like check out my blog… I just started it and its the basics explained simply… with as much sexual innuendo as i can forcefully stuff. Bottom line assume that the crowd is always wrong and do the opposite 🙂

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        They have Towel Day you know…this year it’s being called Super Towel Day…5/25/12…5 + 25 + 12 = 42

        Tah dah! Coincidence…I think not. The world is going to end.

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