Here’s the deal. In honor of one of my favorite authors, Douglas Adams, I am proud to present the fourth in my three part series “Makya McBee Changes the Focus of His Blog to Expose More People to His Blog and Save the World.” Part Four – Financial Advice.
Sure, some people turn to money gurus on TV to tell them how to work their way out of debt. But what do these people know? They’re all rich. Who knows more about the topic than a man who has spent his entire adult life in debt? I graduated from college in 1996, and I still haven’t put a dent in my college loans…and that makes me a financial expert.
Here’s my first piece of advice – get some money. There are many ways to get cash. Work. Find a pile of money. Okay, there are two ways to get cash. Regardless, you should get some.
Now you should invest that dough. I know what you’re thinking, “Should I invest in stocks? Bonds? Mutual Funds? Real Estate?” The answer is yes. Why not? They all sound pretty professional.
A note on real estate – make sure it’s real estate. I made the mistake of purchasing some abandoned lots in Narnia and investing in some Neverland property and I can tell you that fake estate investments do not pay off. The land I bought is Pixie Hollow adjacent, and I still can’t unload it.
But you probably want specifics. Many hot shot Wall Street types will try and predict future trends and invest in the next big thing. I’m here to tell you to play it safe. Invest in those things that people will always need – staples. Think about it. People will always have piles of paper. And there will always be only one way for them to keep these piles from blowing away. Wait a second…paper clips! They’re just like staples, but it’s easier to detach the papers. Yes, definitely invest in paper clips.
Another hint – if you find yourself looking for a financial advisor, avoid people with punny names. I mean, is it really any surprise that a guy named Bernie Madoff made off with his investors money? It’s like investing with Frank Moneygoaway or Suzy Loseitall. And what about those people who invested with Charles Ponzi in the 20’s? His name is Ponzi. And you’re not expecting a Ponzi Scheme? Common sense, people.
I guess that’s it. Make some money. Buy low, sell high. Paper clips. It’s really not that difficult. Sorry to rush out of here, but I’ve got an appointment to talk to a guy about buying a summer home overlooking Mermaid’s Lagoon…