Finding The Perfect Job

Posted: April 13, 2012 in How To
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. The time has come for the third in my three part series, “Makya McBee Changes the Focus of His Blog to Expose More People to His Blog and Save the World.” It’s been quite a journey. And it’s been wildly rewarding to discover how many topics there are that I know so very little about.

One such topic is getting a job. I do not have a job. I do not know how to get a job. I’m not entirely sure what a job is.

That being said, I’m going to dive right in and divulge my secrets to getting your dream job.

Deutsch: Die Blue Man Group im Foyer des Theat...

They must get all the good jobs.

(1)   Dress for success. I have made a lot of mistakes in this area. Here’s what I’ve learned. (a) No matter how cute your mom says you look in a poncho, most prospective employers will not agree. (b) While wearing a sophisticated wrist watch is classy, somehow wearing eight sophisticated wrist watches just comes off as crazy. (c) Always wear shoes…socks are great, but they’re just not enough. (d) Studies indicate that blue is the best interview color, but those same studies failed to inform me that blue hair dye is frowned upon. (e) A suit of armor conveys strength but often rouses the suspicion of security. (f) Apparently a kimono is a kino-no…save it for casual Friday. (g) And I can’t stress this last one enough – while the process may take longer than expected, edible undies are not an acceptable mid-interview snack.

(2)   Do other things to help you get a job. For example, create the perfect resume. Again, learn from my mistakes. An increased font size is not a substitute for experience, that 64 Times New Roman stands out in a bad way. And, while saving paper is important, never print your resume on the back of your latest restraining order.

(3)   Utilize online resources. Long gone are the days of hoofing it from business to business. Now you can simply type your job specifics into your local, friendly job search engine and let them do all the work for you.

I, for example, have begun to accept that I may never land my ideal job. So I went on to monster.com to see how many less desirable positions might be available…

Frankly, I’m shocked. That’s a nationwide search of lousy and tedious jobs. I have an inkling these results might be on the low side.

Next, I decided to search for the type of jobs I’d excel at. I considered my plethora of life experiences and searched for an employment opportunity that would best match my skill set…

I guess there’s hope after all. And, while I pride myself on keeping this blog PG-13, the thirteen year-old in me couldn’t resist…

What? I’m considering becoming a glassblower. At this point, I’m willing to consider almost anything. And big bonus if I can wear my poncho.

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Comments
  1. Also recommended – don’t wear the suit of armor if you take up glass-blowing. It won’t protect you as much as you think. A kilt should be okay, though.

  2. speaker7 says:

    Please forward the job listings you found whilst searching “watching TV”. I don’t mean to brag, but I am very good at watching TV. Some people say they’ve never seen a person waste so much of her life watching TV….I’m that good. This sounds braggy. I apologize.

  3. funny blog!! I am in the process of doing a blog on interviews… its taking a long time as there are so many variables. biggest advice I can give is be prepared and be you!! Amanda

  4. Ok, so shoes are compulsory, what about knickers?

    • Makya McBee says:

      Cliche – My worst mistake was wearing my suit of armor to my first day of work at the magnet factory.

      Speaker – No need to apologize, but I’d be more than happy to challenge you to a TV-watching-off…as soons as this episode of Three’s Company is over…

      Wood – You’re the expert, but I haven’t had much luck being me. I’m considering being someone much more successful and see how that works out.

      Pretty – What they don’t know can’t hurt them. (Unless, I suppose, what they don’t know is that there’s something heavy about to fall on them).

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