Vs. Dinosaurs

Posted: March 4, 2012 in Animals
Tags: , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. What’s so great about dinosaurs?

If they were so awesome, how come they couldn’t survive one little global extinction event?

Oh, look, a giant asteroid. Cry me a river.

Enough with all the books and movies and love songs about dinosaurs. Enough with the skeletons in the lobbies of science museums. How are dinosaurs science, anyway? Science is like atoms and Oxygen and stuff, not bones.

And we need to stop giving our children dinosaur toys to play with. Live in the past much?

Even their name is bad. Dinosaur means “terrible lizard.” And dinosaurs weren’t even lizards. Which does make them pretty terrible lizards, I guess. They were also terrible appliances and terrible polo shirts. Come to think of it, what were they good at? Roaring? Dangling their little tiny arms about? Oh, look at me, my arms are useless appendages. I can’t even high five. Not that I’ve ever done anything that would warrant a high five.

We’ve dedicated way too much time to studying these losers. Time that could be devoted to studying things that matter. Like curing post-nasal drip or developing a submarine that operates on land.

Stop distracting our scientists, dinosaurs.

English: Female House Sparrow, Bairnsdale Aust...

Look out! It's a dinosaur!

Stop bragging about your three horns. Nobody ever said three horns were better than one and I don’t know why you assume you’re so freaking cool, Triceratops. Rhinos are plenty cool with just the one.

Stop leaving your footprints everywhere for us to discover. So what? We’ve got feet too. Only we don’t feel the need to show them off all the time. Ever heard of shoes, terrible lizards?

And guess what you evolved into? Birds. Yep. Birds. What’s up now, Mr. Ferocious? Flappity-flap. That’s right. Go take a worm to your nest, dino, your crappy little babies are hungry.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I teach dinosaurs a lesson they won’t soon forget? Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. I’ll take care of this. Next time I run into a dinosaur, I’ll show him who’s boss.

High five.

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Comments
  1. speaker7 says:

    I wonder what the next species of scientists will say about us when we become extinct from a glut of Real Housewives or that asteroid http://sfbay.ca/2012/03/04/got-an-asteroid-heading-our-way/?

    Here are my guesses for the top 3 fields of study:
    1) Doritosology
    2) Ryan Seacrestology
    3) Uggs

  2. heathersnyder1 says:

    Dinosaurs…the other extinct meat.

    But, fossils are very pretty and they make great bookends…the smaller variety like the Ammonite, not the larger variety like the Spinosaurus…I don’t think I could fit that on my bookshelf.

    • Lokyra Stone says:

      I would build a bookshelf just to fit it.

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        Actually, that sounds like a plan, Lokyra :). I need a bookshelf, no…two bookshelves, no…library room(s) to house one oversized dino bookend and my huge collection of vintage and classic books!!! Fabulous!!!

      • Lokyra Stone says:

        Do what I’m going to do. Build your own damn library.

      • Makya McBee says:

        7th speaker – Strange name, as you’re often the first speaker. Nonetheless, I’m rooting for Doritosology.

        Heather and Lokyra – You two should start your own podcast, “Heather and the Lock.” Or, “Locking it down with Heath and Stone.” Or, “Stone-cold Snyder.” I don’t know, we’ll spitball later.

      • Lokyra Stone says:

        I recently drank a beer called Loch Down…..
        I dunno that we’d have enough material for a podcast though. Oh hell. Yes we would.

  3. Lokyra Stone says:

    It’s about time someone told those crappy leezards what’s what.

  4. heathersnyder1 says:

    @ Lokyra, the whole library thing sounds amazing! My niece and her husband built a secret door bookcase leading into their rec room. So if you build a library, it should have secret doors/panels, cool creepy wrought iron spiral staircases and bookshelf ladders on rollers.

    @ Makya, sorry, I got a little off subject…dinosaurs suck! Well, except for Gertie the Dinosaur, she’s super awesome!
    And, “Stone-cold Snyder” would be a great name for Lokyra’s and my Podcast…I don’t know how to Podcast…but, yayyy, we have a name for it…I’m excited! I have so many questions, what do I wear for a Podcast, will my voice sound squeaky on video. I also demand to have on hand at all times Circus Peanuts and for some reason, I think from Speaker 7’s comment-I want Doritos.

  5. Lokyra Stone says:

    Actually, Lu and I are planning on having all sorts of secret doors and hideaways and tunnels even. I told him, “Think Scooby Doo.”

    We will have to have Circus Peanuts delivered just for you.
    Dorrrreeeetooooosssss.
    The official Podcast Uniform is a cowboy hat, a gorilla costume, and stiletto heels.

  6. Lokyra Stone says:

    So wait. That would mean my nickname is Stone-cold.
    *giggles* that would be the first time I have ever been called that.

  7. heathersnyder1 says:

    Yep on the stilettos. And, there shall be at times the sudden outburst of song and dance. I am trained in the fine art of…the Disco Dance.

    • Lokyra Stone says:

      Do the Hustle! Do the Hustle!
      I burst into song and dance as frequently as possible. It’s part of my exercise routine.

  8. heathersnyder1 says:

    Ohhh haha! I loved the Electric Slide! We all could use a little more Electric Slide in our lives. 🙂

    • Lokyra Stone says:

      I absolutely agree. The world would definitely be a better place if people did the Electric Slide at least once a week.

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