Vs. Exotic Pets

Posted: February 26, 2012 in Animals
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. Quick reminder – only a few days left to enter and win a free copy of the book I reviewed in my last post. Entering couldn’t be easier; all you have to do is leave a comment on that post. Do you feel like you have nothing to say? Don’t worry, just post, “Me want free book.” It’s that simple. And, if all goes well, next time I’ll be giving away a free TV episode. I’m thinking about Magnum P.I., Season 7, Episode 22, “A Pretty Good Dancing Chicken.”

Speaking of dancing chickens…what’s the deal with exotic pets? Some people are just obsessed with bringing less and less appropriate animals into their homes. A quick scan of an exotic pet website and I found that I could purchase a porcupine, zebra, antelope or baby water buffalo from individuals who, for inexplicable reasons, are in possession of porcupines, zebras, antelopes and baby water buffalos. Have you ever seen a water buffalo? They can grow up to 2,000 pounds. Here’s a helpful rule – it shouldn’t be a pet if, when it sits on you, you die.

English: Water buffalo (Bubalus bubalis), Thai...

2,000 pounds of cuddly, fun

Look, I understand the impulse. When I was a kid, I imagined having a pet alligator. I thought that if I raised it from the time it was a baby, we could get along. But then I grew up to not be a Bond villain.

Alligators aren’t sentimental. Neither are the rest of these exotic pets that foolish people attempt to tame. A few years ago, Paris Hilton had to go to the hospital when her pet kinkajou bit her arm. Now, this isn’t a great example, as many of us would bite Paris Hilton if we were given the opportunity. But the point remains. These creatures do not want to be your pets.

Get a dog. Dogs dream of nothing but being a pet. It is the pinnacle of dogness. They love following you around and making you happy. They live to fetch and be a companion. And, most importantly, they don’t want to kill you. Most exotic pets do. I think that even a lot of cats would give it a shot if they were a little bigger.   

And this exotic pet trend is only growing. For example, an animal cruelty line got 23 calls about endangered pet bearded dragons in 2001. And, in 2011, this number grew to over 1,700 calls. And, perhaps most surprising of all, these bearded dragons were originally just plain dragons…they grew the beards in an attempt to disguise themselves from all of the people trying to turn them into exotic pets.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I convince humans that we don’t have the right to put a leash on anything that moves? Sure, movies like Every Which Way But Loose make it look like a grand old time to have a pet monkey…but they tend to downplay the scratching, biting, and feces flinging. Trust me, those gorillas should stay in the mist. These pet owners need to stop being so short-sighted. All animals look cute when they’re babies. Even I looked cute as a baby. But when it comes to trying to own the wild, it’s time to grow up.

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Comments
  1. I LOVE this post! My computer does not. I sprayed it with coffee before I hit your second paragraph!

  2. sj says:

    Bahahaha! I absolutely agree. Monkeys should not be pets. Ever. I grew up a mile away from a couple who had a pet bear. We went and knocked on their door the day after prom. “Hi, we heard you have a bear. Can we see it?”

    AND THEY LET US! What was wrong with them?!

  3. What about computer geeks? I’m still allowed to keep a geek, right?

  4. speaker7 says:

    I believe Clint Eastwood flung feces in Every Which Way but Loose.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Cliche – You’re very becoming (get it? It’s a user name joke. Classic). Sorry about your computer.

      sj – Nothing personal, but I get dozens of “going to see a pet bear after the prom” comments every week. I dare say you’re becoming a cliche (check it out, I referenced the previous person’s user name in your reply. Does it get any better than this?) Thanks for the “Bahahaha!”

      She of pretty feet yet toes of the popped variety – If it’s a British geek I guess it’s okay, as long as you don’t start importing them.

      Speaker 4+3 – That has never been proven beyond a reasonable doubt.

  5. Lokyra Stone says:

    We want to get licensed to take in repo’d exotic pets. But not in our house. They would have extremely large pens and stuff.
    NO MONKEYS IN THE HOUSE.

    There was a family that had a pet bear a couple times over. I hated driving my their place. It made me sick to see the bear out in its tiny pen, eyes glazed over.

    My husband knew a guy who had a pet bobcat. Which was great until the cat got bored and snuck into a friend’s van, then freaked out when the guy climbed in and started the van. The bobcat grabbed the guy from around the seat and pinned him there.

    • Makya McBee says:

      I know, I know. The bear and the prom. Same old story. But I will say, good rule, “No monkeys in the house.”

      • Lokyra Stone says:

        Wow. The typos in my previous reply. They are making my brain bleed.
        No prom involved. I actually never went to a prom!
        I think it is an awesome rule.

      • sj says:

        I had no idea someone else would have a neighbour with a pet bear! That’s crazy.

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        I worked at a Veterinary Hospital and people would bring in hawks, bear cubs, opossums, raccoons, etc. that they would find out in the wild. Either injured or abandoned. I was the one that had to transport them in my car to the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Virginia. Of course they were in cages, but it freaked me out every time…although, it probably freaked the animals out even more riding in a car.

        That and we would also have clients bring in these exotic pets all the time. I am scared of snakes and iguanas and I’ve had to hold more than I’ve cared to for the vet. And no, it’s not like one of these, “Learn to overcome your fears by dealing with the thing that scares you the most”, nothing like that at all! I still have nightmares.

      • Lokyra Stone says:

        I love snakes. As soon as we can, we are going to get back into raising reptiles. And I told Lu he could have a damn gator if he builds a super fancy home for it. Not in our house.

        Hilariously enough, Lu has been compared to a Bond villain before.

  6. heathersnyder1 says:

    Nooooo snakes. One of my relative’s friends started a Serpentarium in Wilmington, NC. I’ve been to it several times (bad…bad snakes…bad, scary snakes…bad, scary snakes everywhere). Dean has been bitten so many times I think he has lost count:

    http://www.capefearserpentarium.com/index.html

    • Lokyra Stone says:

      I WANT TO GO THERE SO MUCH.

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        It’s a cool place…snakes still scare me, but at least these are behind glass. But they still stare at me when I go by their cages…I can feel their little snake eyes on me, sizing me up…mocking me.

      • Lokyra Stone says:

        Snakes are well known for their mocking stares. It’s one of the many things you have to watch out for. That, and their bad hair days.

  7. heathersnyder1 says:

    That and their ability to swallow farm animals for laughs.

  8. Did you just say LA? Only the place I’d really rather live than anywhere! This is fate. It’s either going to end in a real life wedding… or stalking.

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