Here’s the deal. Quick reminder – only a few days left to enter and win a free copy of the book I reviewed in my last post. Entering couldn’t be easier; all you have to do is leave a comment on that post. Do you feel like you have nothing to say? Don’t worry, just post, “Me want free book.” It’s that simple. And, if all goes well, next time I’ll be giving away a free TV episode. I’m thinking about Magnum P.I., Season 7, Episode 22, “A Pretty Good Dancing Chicken.”
Speaking of dancing chickens…what’s the deal with exotic pets? Some people are just obsessed with bringing less and less appropriate animals into their homes. A quick scan of an exotic pet website and I found that I could purchase a porcupine, zebra, antelope or baby water buffalo from individuals who, for inexplicable reasons, are in possession of porcupines, zebras, antelopes and baby water buffalos. Have you ever seen a water buffalo? They can grow up to 2,000 pounds. Here’s a helpful rule – it shouldn’t be a pet if, when it sits on you, you die.
Look, I understand the impulse. When I was a kid, I imagined having a pet alligator. I thought that if I raised it from the time it was a baby, we could get along. But then I grew up to not be a Bond villain.
Alligators aren’t sentimental. Neither are the rest of these exotic pets that foolish people attempt to tame. A few years ago, Paris Hilton had to go to the hospital when her pet kinkajou bit her arm. Now, this isn’t a great example, as many of us would bite Paris Hilton if we were given the opportunity. But the point remains. These creatures do not want to be your pets.
Get a dog. Dogs dream of nothing but being a pet. It is the pinnacle of dogness. They love following you around and making you happy. They live to fetch and be a companion. And, most importantly, they don’t want to kill you. Most exotic pets do. I think that even a lot of cats would give it a shot if they were a little bigger.
And this exotic pet trend is only growing. For example, an animal cruelty line got 23 calls about endangered pet bearded dragons in 2001. And, in 2011, this number grew to over 1,700 calls. And, perhaps most surprising of all, these bearded dragons were originally just plain dragons…they grew the beards in an attempt to disguise themselves from all of the people trying to turn them into exotic pets.
So, how am I going to do it? How will I convince humans that we don’t have the right to put a leash on anything that moves? Sure, movies like Every Which Way But Loose make it look like a grand old time to have a pet monkey…but they tend to downplay the scratching, biting, and feces flinging. Trust me, those gorillas should stay in the mist. These pet owners need to stop being so short-sighted. All animals look cute when they’re babies. Even I looked cute as a baby. But when it comes to trying to own the wild, it’s time to grow up.