Here’s the deal. Everyone’s had the experience. There you are, minding your own business, when someone walks up to you and asks why you’re not wearing any pants. How many times have you thought to yourself, “Why isn’t there a resource to help me cope with moments like this? Why hasn’t some intrepid blogger created a list of excuses with which I might defend myself?” Fret no more my friend, that list has been created. That intrepid blogger is I.
Top Ten Explanations for Why You’re Not Wearing Any Pants
11. The parameters of casual Friday were not clearly defined.
10. “Have you ever read that story, The Emperor’s New Clothes? Well, I got so caught up in it, I forgot to put my trousers on.”
9. Denim allergy.
8. “I was wearing my favorite purple slacks, but you got me angry. Do you recall me mentioning that you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry? Well, there you go. Frankly, you’re incredibly fortunate that my pants happened to tear in such a way that, although thoroughly tattered, they still cover my naughty bits.”
7. You traded your pants for a yo-yo. (Seriously, what’s more fun, pants or a yo-yo? I’d like to see you do a loop the loop with a pair of Dockers)
6. “My thighs need to breathe.”
5. They shouldn’t call them acid wash jeans if you’re not supposed to wash them in acid.
4. You got too big for your britches.
3. Pants, schmants. (Is it just me, or is adding the letters “schm” to the front of any word the very best debate strategy and/or way to get out of any situation in the fewest words? (a) “Sir, you were going ninety in a twenty-five mile per hour zone.” “Ninety, schminety.” (b) “Senator, your feelings on economic reform?” “Econmic reform, schmeconimic reform.” (c) “Proceed with your closing argument.” “If it pleases your honor…murder, schmurder.”)
2. “As a compulsive liar, all of my pants are on fire and thus unsafe to wear.”
1. Don’t worry…no explanation necessary…