Vs. The Year of the Dragon

Posted: January 24, 2012 in Animals
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  It’s finally arrived.  Hasn’t happened since 2000.  It’s the year of the Dragon. 

As my eight hundred and twenty million Chinese Twitter followers know all too well, this is the luckiest of all the zodiac signs.  Every twelve years there’s a population spike in China, because parents wait to have their child in this, the most blessed of all years.

The Dragon is the only mythical symbol of the Chinese zodiac.  Those born under this sign are said to be charismatic, energetic, wise, strong and protected by heavenly blessings.  They are to be honored and respected.  And that’s the problem I have with it. 

Sure, if you’re born now, you’ll grow up under the sage guidance of this divine creature.  But if you were born, say, last week…well then your zodiac sign is the rabbit.  And instead of wisdom and good fortune you’re skittish and enjoy carrots.  That hardly seems fair.

The first fight scene in the NES version of th...

Remember when this seemed cool?

Less than 9% of people are born in the year of the Dragon…what about the rest of us?  What about the rats?  The sheep?  The pigs?  What hope do we have?  Some of us are protected by the mythical, powerful beast that Chinese culture holds sacred…and some of us are rodents, followers, and enjoy rolling around in mud.  It’s just not right that all of the other signs of the Chinese zodiac pale in comparison.

Me?  I’m year of the tiger.  Which is relatively fortunate, as it’s one of the more powerful, positive-sounding animals.  But I can’t fly.  I can’t breathe fire.  I may be tough compared to a dog or a rooster, but the dragon can pretty much step on me like everyone else.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I make the Chinese zodiac more equitable?  How will I ensure that those born this year don’t feel superior to their friends born under a more humble sign?  Maybe we could just add dragon to every year…so that everyone gets the blessings of this mythical superstar.  You’d have the year of the ox-dragon, the horse-dragon, the monkey-dragon, etc.  And this year would still be special, the year of the dragon-dragon – that’s Double Dragon, baby (or Billy Lee and his twin brother, Jimmy, to those of you who remember the video game).  Yep, that should do it.  That should make everyone feel better.

Could somebody tell China?

  1. David Cole says:

    “Rebecca Turquoise” didn’t work… Lots a hits, Didn’t see you there, at least no in the top 6 or so. (I didn’t have the patience to look any further.)

    But “prisonrupture” worked like a charm! There were only “40” results, and you were the top two!

    Keep up the good work. You’ll reach stardom yet. (But you’d better hurry up, I got only maybe another ten or so years left in me… Just saying.)

  2. heathersnyder1 says:

    Hope you can make mine the Ox-Dragon pretty soon. I don’t like being an Ox (they pull plows and have horns), but if I was an Ox-Dragon, I’d be unstoppable. For instance I could put in any of my Oxen-like qualities and end it with, “…typically with serpentine or reptilian traits and are usually found guarding a treasure hoard in a castle.”, like:

    “Oxen are intelligent, logical, calm, modest, solid, reliable, resolute, and hard working. Has a keen eye for detail as well as an admirable work ethic. They’re usually quiet, but they may be both articulate and eloquent at the appropriate interval. Trustworthy, truthful, caring, honest, and honorable. They are good-hearted, love humor, typically with serpentine or reptilian traits and are usually found guarding a treasure hoard in a castle.”…breathing fire and flying wouldn’t be that bad either. They also look awesome as tattoos.

    • Makya McBee says:

      David – I never could have guessed that my claim to fame would be inventing the word “prisonrupture,” but I guess I’ll take what I can get.

      Heather – Glad to hear that you’re on board with the dragon adding concept. Dragons truly make everything better.

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