Here’s the deal. For the past ten months, my posts have stood alone. But a storyline has recently emerged. Today, I am not versusing anything. I am following up on my previous two posts. After calling upon internet users everywhere to spread this blog to the four corners of the world, I did my best to increase readership by tagging the most popular Google searches of 2011. But there’s a problem.
Yes, Rebecca Black was the most Googled term in 2011. And, as a result, searching for her will provide you with 124,000,000 hits. And, surprisingly, my blog does not show up on the first page. It does not, I suspect, show up on the first hundred thousand pages. Therefore, my last post is doing me no favors. No one’s going to be able to wade through the tens of millions of pages to find me. I couldn’t do it…and I’m more interested in me than anyone I know.
So, how are people finding me? Luckily, WordPress provides a daily synopsis of which search terms lead people to my blog. I get almost daily results from, “Referring to yourself in the third person.” Just yesterday, someone happened upon my post ranking crayon colors by searching for, “What is the number one caryon coloer.” And last week, I notched another view from someone searching for, “Sexy brawny man.”
Here’s what I’ve learned. People love their pronouns. You don’t have to be an above average speller to find what you’re looking for on the internet. And, even though “sexy brawny man” has nearly two million hits, I’m on the very first page of results because my post didn’t just randomly use the words, “sexy,” “brawny,” and “man.” I spoke to the actual sexiness of the Brawny Man. And I stand by my work.
Clearly, I need to adjust my strategy. Nobody is going to find my blog while looking for the latest news on Rebecca Black (unless they search for the more specific, “Rebecca Black Justin Bieber iPhone,” in which case I’m the second site you’ll see). So, I’ve got to switch it up a little. I need to find things that fewer people are searching for, so that their only choice will be me. For example, if we change the color from “Rebecca Black,” to “Rebecca Turquoise,” we go from over one hundred million hits…to 734. So, that will be one of my tags today. One in seven hundred and thirty four isn’t bad odds. But I think I can do better.
I need to find things that no one is searching for. Then, when people do search for these things, my blog will be the only Google search result.
So, how am I going to do it? How will I come up with terms that no one has ever searched for on Google? I tried searching for, “Least searched word on Google.” I got 117,000,00 results…not a one of which gave me the answer I was looking for. So I open the question to you. Please use the comments section to suggest the words or phrases that you think are under-represented on Google. Then I can use these as tags and have a monopoly on these searches. If you’ve been reading this blog and have never commented, here’s your chance. I know you’re out there. Don’t be shy. I need you now more than ever. If we work together, this can be a real game changer. After we’re done, when people think of the things they’d never want to search for, when they think of the things that interest no one, when they think of the things nobody would want to examine further…they’ll think of me.