Here’s the deal. In my previous post I asked my stunningly attractive readers to help spread my blog to all countries of the world. In the comments section, athletic and sophisticated reader aclundin told me that people are directed to her blog daily when they search for, “Justin Timberlake’s naked butt.” She suggested I include a celebrity and a body part in a post to achieve similar success. At first I considered doing “Makya McBee Vs. Helen Mirren’s Bare Elbows,” but then I decided to do a little research.
I reckoned that if I’m going to go for something that is searched for a lot, I might as well shoot for the stars. So I looked at the top three search engines (Google, Yahoo and Bing, in that order) to see what people were lookin’ for on that there internet. Turns out that the most Googled words of 2011 were “Rebecca Black,” the most common search on Yahoo was “iPhone,” and Bing users typed “Justin Bieber” more than anything else. So I put the top three search items, from the top three search engines, into one blog post. That’s the trifecta of internet popularity. I’m goin’ viral, baby!
And this is so much easier than all those tips to increase blog traffic that involve actual work. I haven’t done any actual work since 2008, and I’m not looking to start back up now. But I can’t just throw these popular terms in my blog title and use them as tags…I need to actually address them in the post itself.
So here we go.
What do I have against Rebecca Black? Actually…nothing. If anything, I have a problem with all of the people who have a problem with Rebecca Black. She and I are two peas in a pod. According to her official website, “she loves going to the mall, hanging out with her friends and putting together colorful outfits.” Hello…I think I just found my twin. Well, technically, I don’t particularly enjoy the mall. And I don’t have any friends, per se. But I love the heck out of putting together a colorful outfit.
Look, I understand why people make fun of Friday. The Sophie’s Choice-esque decision over which seat to take…the fun, fun, fun, fun…and, my favorite line, “Yesterday was Thursday.” Upbeat and informative. Yes, the lyrics are truly terrible. But she didn’t write it. She’s just a kid, and I think all of the people who direct their anger at a child singing a silly song probably have some issues of their own.
And what about Justin Bieber’s iPhone? Well, as it turns out, Bieber does own an iPhone. If you want to see a picture of it, click here (FYI, there’s really no reason to click there…it’s just an iPhone). And do I have issues with his iPhone? You bet I do. Why else would I put it in the title of this post? Not just to get search engine traffic, I can tell you that much.
According to this article, his iPhone is jailbroken. Now, granted, I don’t know what that means. But it doesn’t sound good. It has “jail,” which is negative. And “broken,” which is also negative. Any time you put two negative words together to make a new word, that’s trouble. For example, nobody knows what the word “prisonruptured” means because I just made it up. But you can bet it’s not a good thing. And that’s why I’m against it.
So, how am I going to do it? How will I put an end to Black bashing and prisonrupturing electronics? I don’t know, but it’ll probably involve a lot more posts with popular search terms in the title. I have a feeling I’m about to have some issues with Lady Gaga’s Kindle and Kim Kardashian planking. In the meantime, I eagerly anticipate Rebecca Black’s next song.
I can’t wait to see what comes before Thursday.