Vs. Every Country In the World Except for the United States of America, the United Kingdom, India, Canada, Philippines, Australia, Brazil, Sweden, Germany, United Arab Emirates, Netherlands, Spain, Mexico, Argentina, Colombia, Chile, Ecuador, Singapore, South Korea, New Zealand, Ghana, South Africa, Kenya, Botswana and Nigeria

Posted: January 13, 2012 in Internet
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  If you don’t live in the United States of America, the United Kingdom, India, Canada, Philippines, Australia, Brazil, Sweden, Germany, United Arab Emirates, Netherlands, Spain, Mexico, Argentina, Colombia, Chile, Ecuador, Singapore, South Korea, New Zealand, Ghana, South Africa, Kenya, Botswana, or Nigeria…what’s your problem?  According to WordPress, individuals from all of these countries have read my blog.  And all of the other countries?  Not so much.

Sure, one could argue that this is a success story.  One could say that less than a year ago I started a blog and told my family and a couple of people I went to high school with and now I’m an international superstar.  One could posit that my words reach round the globe and change the way we see our world.  One could say that I’m handsome, funny, and Earth’s most eligible bachelor.  But I gotta tell you, I’d really like to meet whoever is saying all this stuff.

The truth, however, is that I’ve barely scratched the surface.  Depending on which random website you trust with all of your world facts, there are somewhere between 189 and 257 countries out there.  (Why such disparity?  Well, there’s some semantics involved…do you include territories?  Colonies?  Peru?  And, also, it’s just simply difficult to count that high).  That means that between 86.8 and 90.2% of all countries have yet to read my blog.  We’ve still got a lot of work to do.

The Earth seen from Apollo 17.

Here's the area we're hoping to cover.

You see, most bloggers give fairly vague reasons for their blogs – they’re just putting random thoughts down, hoping to entertain a few friends, simply keeping an online journal.  Not me.  I’m here to get an audience.  To better my chances of fame and worldwide domination.  And it’s pretty hard to dominate a world that mostly doesn’t know you exist.

Here’s another way to look at it.  It is estimated that around 1.5 billion people have internet access.  Yesterday, forty-two people read my blog.  What are the other 1,499,999,958 people doing online?  According to Google, the most searched term yesterday was “school closings” followed by “peoples choice awards.”  While I can understand the need to know whether or not your child will be heading to school on any given day (where, hopefully, they’ll learn that there’s an apostrophe in “People’s Choice Awards”), I’m a person too…why not choose me?   

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I get the other 200 plus countries to read this blog?  Well, that’s where you come in.  I currently have 176 followers, so all I need is for each one of you to pick one person you know who lives in one of the countries not listed above and tell them to read this blog.  Or, even better, if each of you could simply tell 8,522,728 people about my blog, then every single person with internet access would be a reader.  It’s just that simple.  But we’ll start with the countries.  A quick email to your buddy in Finland.  Call up that distant cousin who lives in Belize.  Send a text to that business associate in Zimbabwe.  We can do this, people.  Or, more accurately, you can do this, people.

It’s right there in this blog’s subtitle – “One Man Takes on the World.”  I didn’t call it, “One Man Takes on 13.2% of the World” for a reason.  And not just because that would be an oddly specific and terrible sounding subtitle.  So let’s realize our geographic destiny together.  Pick a country.  Any country.  And grab a butter knife.  Cuz this blog ain’t gonna spread itself.

Comments
  1. Following on from my own 2011 stats report, I’m officially adding the phrase “Read in 5 Continents” to my passport, CV, job title, bra size label, tattoo…

    Maybe not the tattoo, I’ll just have to get it lasered when I finally take Antarctica.

  2. speaker7 says:

    “Or, even better, if each of you could simply tell 8,522,728 people about my blog, then every single person with internet access would be a reader.”

    Done.

  3. Lokyra Stone says:

    Well I have told two people to read it, and have read it to two other people. Does that count?

    And I am pretty sure you can dominate the world with no one knowing your name, but it requires a very specifc numbers rituals and a figurehead. A human figurehead, not a ship figurehead.

  4. The Spinster says:

    I just got an email from a trust officer at a bank in Uganda telling me that there is a huge fortune waiting for me there and they only need all of my personal information and a money order to finalize everything. So, I directed them to your blog since Uganda was not on your list. I also told him to share your blog with all of his friends.

    You are welcome.

    Perhaps they have a great fortune waiting for you, too.

  5. aclundin says:

    A good way of getting random people to find their way to their blog is to go see a movie with someone famous in it. Make sure it is a movie where they show certain parts of their body, like their butt. Then blog about seeing the movie where you saw the famous persons naked butt in it. It really works, I get almost daily hits from all over on the search phrase “Justin Timberlakes naked butt” or just “Justin Timberlake naked”.

    Maybe you can do a top ten on movies with naked actresses in it (that is not porn).

  6. Jefferree says:

    Oddly, yet humorously self-serving, McBee. I would ask how you could be so full of yourself, but with only 176 followers I guess there`s a lot of room to be filled with *someone`s* adoration, so it might as well be your own! Will do what I can to get the word out. Perhaps a phone tree (provided by you, of course) of contacts in the 200+ non-subscribed countries we can all start calling??

    • Makya McBee says:

      Pretty – I’m seeing matching tattoos…or, even better, matching bra size labels.

      Speaker – Thanks. You’re a true American hero.

      Lokyra – Two people isn’t quite enough. But I’m thrilled to think of my blog posts being read as bedtime stories…or however it is that you read them.

      Spinster – Uganda. Good. One down, two hundred and eight to go.

      aclundin – Many thanks…please see my newest post for a more detailed response to your suggestion.

      Jjeeffeerree – Full of myself? Who else could I be full of? Look, everyone who has a blog is just saying, “Hey, world, look at me.” I’m just honest about it. I do like the idea of a phone tree. But I’ll like it even more if you organize it.

  7. Haha well, Germany’s already on your list but you can count another reader living there. I will probably be visiting France, Switzerland, and Italy at some point in the next couple years. If I happen to read the blog while there it would give you the *appearance* of readers living there which might be just as good for your cause.

  8. Lokyra Stone says:

    I read your posts with lots of different voices and exclamations.

Put yo' comments here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s