Here’s the deal. In a few weeks, two teams (the New Orleans Saints and the New England Patriots…or else I’ll be on the run from my bookie) will gather in Indianapolis to play in the NFL Championship Game. Some people refer to this contest as the Super Bowl…but those people have been arrested.
You see, the NFL is fairly dedicated to protecting their trademark of the phrase, “Super Bowl.” No doubt you’ve heard advertisements for “The Big Game,” “The Game of the Year,” or “The Competitive Event that Involves Throwing and Kicking a Football and Rhymes with Pooper Goal.” Companies have to use these ridiculous euphemisms for the game or they may face a lawsuit. I started to read some of the details of trademark law on a few legal blogs so I could be more informed, but I soon gave in to extreme boredom when I realized I was reading legal blogs about trademark law.
I did, however, read enough to learn that, in 2006, the NFL also tried to trademark the phrase, “Big Game.” This effort failed, but I imagine their legal team is currently looking into the possibility of obtaining trademarks for, “Exciting Athletic Competition,” “Helmet and Pad Related Sporting Event,” and “Gosh, that Tim Tebow is really something.” Their ultimate goal is to not allow anyone to mention the Super Bowl in any way. They’re trying to make it a secret.
But, despite their best efforts, they simply can’t hide it. Last year’s was the most watched television program of all time. Whether you watch for the game, the commercials, or you’re hoping for another wardrobe malfunction, almost everyone watches the Super Bowl, er, Big Game, um, He Who Must Not Be Named.
We have certainly created a sometimes silly society. When we hear ads for Sunday’s Game of the Year, everyone knows what they’re talking about. And yet we have to tiptoe around these words, it’s ridiculous. Some years ago, my sister got into pottery and she gave me a bowl which she had made and which I use almost every day to eat my morning cereal. It is undoubtedly a super bowl. But I dare not mention it this time of year.
So, how am I going to do it? How will I defy the team of lawyers dedicated to keeping everyone from major corporations to local sports bars from uttering this magical phrase? In fact, how am I even able to write about it so openly? Well, I’m just a lowly blogger with a few hundred followers. They certainly wouldn’t waste their time trying to stop…hey, who are you guys? Get away from that! That’s my computer! No…not a cease and desist order…what’s with the handcuffs…but her bowl is super…must…hit…publish…