The Internet’s First Double Dip, No Explanation Top Ten List: Containers and the Measurements We Use to Put Stuff in Them

Posted: January 4, 2012 in Lists
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  I recently invested in an in-depth blog consultation with a noted blogologist.  I started the session by crossing my legs in a serious manner and asking her, “What can I do to increase interest in my blog?” 

English: Liza Minnelli at The Heart Truth Fash...

She gave me a knowing nod, a buttered croissant, and muttered, “Have you written a series of posts confronting the minutia of daily life, while sprinkling in an occasional top ten list where you rank things that no sane person would consider ranking?”

“Yes,” I declared, nearly jumping out of my seat and spilling my butterscotch pudding, “That’s exactly what I’ve done.”

“But,” she continued, wryly hand washing a newly-shot bearskin rug, “Have you ever tried posting a Double Dip, No Explanation Top Ten List?”

I slowly set down my dog-eared, unauthorized Liza Minnelli autobiography and my eyes widened with child-like wonder, “A Double Dip, No Explanation Top Ten List?  I don’t even know what that is…”

She went on to explain the details.  Two top ten lists in one blog entry.  No explanation as to the rankings.   Just the list.  Doubled.  Obviously, I was knocked asunder with the possibilities.  I’d never heard of such magical notions.  Incredulous, I asked if she was pulling my leg…was this whole Double Dip thing even real?  She insisted that it was.  I probed further, asking if maybe she wasn’t even real, that perhaps I had concocted her and the entire conversation out of thin air.  She was willing to admit that this was likely the case, but nonetheless recommended I try her strategy.

So here we go.

The Top Ten Containers

11.  Quiver

10.  Bag

9.  Silo

8.  Vat

7.  Crate

6.  Satchel

5.  Safe

Back of the above envelope, showing an additio...

And the winner is...

4.  Trunk

3.  Box

2.  Bucket

1. Envelope

And…

The Top Ten Units of Measurement

11.  Decade

10.  Fathom

9.  Minute

8.  Cup

7.  Acre

6.  Gross

5.  Degree

4.  Mile

3.  Pinch

2.  Ream

1.  Baker’s Dozen

Clearly, I chose these lists to offer without explanation because…come on, is there really any explanation necessary?  If anyone can come up with a better container than an envelope and/or a better unit of measurement than the baker’s dozen, I’d like to hear it.  And if anyone has a compromising photograph of noted British aviatrix Amy Johnson, I’d like to see it.  And if anyone could make sense of this unusually unusual blog entry in limerick form, I’d like to read it.

I’m never listening to a noted blogologist again.

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Comments
  1. heathersnyder1 says:

    Sorry, I’m fresh out of limericks. But, now I want a buttered croissant and for some strange reason I want to take up archery.

  2. Jefferree says:

    There once was a noted blogologist, Who was noted most for helping folks with lists. Makya intrigued, Arrangement agreed, But the outcome left Versus fans dissed!

  3. Outlier Babe says:

    No way, McBee. You don’t get off with suckering your loyal and talented followers (and I don’t include myself in whichever of those categories doesn’t apply) with writing an amusing post for you.

    I uncrated the post box a-quiver;
    But that louse McBee failed to deliver:
    Not one satchel or bucket
    Had bright wordplay–he’d ducked it;
    Not one envelope with a wit sliver!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Jefferree (and Babe) – Firstly, what’s with all the double letters? What’s your last name, Wwiilliiaammss? Secondly, although they’re critical, I appreciate both of the limericks and will respond with one of my own…There once was a man from South Orange…oh, crap, where do I go from here…

  4. Outlier Babe says:

    My criticism overdone, your witty start did offer fun;
    The truth is we mainline you now, and when you “miss” we have a cow.
    Apologies for overstating;
    You never merit that upbraiding.
    Our neighbors hear our laughter shout;
    Our mail piles up; our food runs out;
    Our tummy muscles toned from you;
    Our Comment fingers honed from you;
    Oh, M. McBee, we’re filled with mirth,
    That you are Versus all the earth!

    • Makya McBee says:

      All the Earth? That’s quite a boast/But if you check my latest post/You’ll see I’m missing quite a bit/And while this poem makes me feel legit/And rhyming comments can be fun/There’s still so much work to be done…

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