Here’s the deal. In the past, I’ve done a post on how to identify spam and on the absurdity of blog spam. But spam is the unwanted gift that keeps on giving, and I have even more to say on the topic.
In the past month I have received spam with the following subject headings:
Public Arrest Records Online
Save 80% off Viagra
Have bad credit! No problem!
Drop the baby weight in time for summer
View photos of 50 plus singles near you at seniormeetpeople.com
New Penile Enlargement Patch
Okay, so I’m beginning to get a picture of what the spammers of the world think of me. Apparently, I’ve been labeled a criminal with bad credit and erectile dysfunction, as well as an overweight senior citizen with an undersized sex organ. And this is simply not true. I’m only thirty seven.
And, in regards to this last subject heading, I also received some spam at my blog from a commenter called “best penis.” (I had no idea there was an international ranking…I wonder what criteria are involved? Does the contest involve a talent portion?) “Best penis” was from penisadvantage.com – and, no, this is not a website that lists the advantages of having a penis (make more money…ability to urinate standing up). When you go to penisadvantage.com, you will see the following words – “A genuine way to permanently enlarge your penis at home – using just your hands.” Okay. Ideally, I’d like to keep this a PG-13 site. Let’s just say that I, along with the rest of the male population, have been implementing this strategy for years and it has yet to yield increased size…but we’re willing to keep on trying.
But back to my point. Why is so much of the spam so insulting? Are they trying to make us feel bad about ourselves?
I’m not clicking on any of these. I think they should try some compliments instead. If they want me to open their spam they should try a subject heading like this – “We’ve heard that you’re attractive, with great credit, an impeccable record with the ladies and that you are in no need of penis enlargement…click here to find out more.”
There’s enough bad news in the world as it is, I don’t need random spam reminding me of my shortcomings. If you’re going to guess wildly at what might ail me, why not put a positive spin on it? “Overly Tall, Dark and Handsome Patch!” “80% off Excessively Awesome Pills!” “View Photos of Yourself…Looking Terrific!”
So, how am I going to do it? How will I put an end to the negative spam subject headings? Well, I haven’t exactly figured out all of the details…but I’m working on a system whereby we could completely eradicate negative spam from home…using just our hands…