Here’s the deal. For those of you keeping count, it’s time for Makya McBee Vs. Other People’s Lists – Volume 10. Actually, I suppose that if you’re keeping count, you’d already know that this is Volume 10. So, for those of you notkeeping count, it’s time for Makya McBee Vs. Other People’s Lists – Volume 10. Then again, if you’re not keeping count, you probably don’t care which volume this is. I guess I should say, for no one in particular, it’s time for Makya McBee Vs. Other People’s Lists – Volume 10. Well…that was a terrific waste of time.
But I’ll tell you what isn’t a terrific waste of time – creating and/or reading lists about Civil War reenactments. According to a recent study by the Institute of Wildly Inaccurate Studies, 83.7% of Americans currently enjoy Civil War reenactments as a hobby and 39.1% list such reenactments as their primary source of income. (I should really start getting my figures from a more reputable institute).
Clearly, these historical recreations are all the buzz nowadays. The Institute of Wildly Inaccurate Studies estimates that 62.9% of all Tweets are Civil War reenactment related…then again, this same institute recently found that their own studies have a margin of error of up to 104%. Nevertheless, grab a friend, a hot cocoa and get ready to snuggle up and read a list you found on a blog…
Top Ten Signs This is Your First Civil War Reenactment
11. When it’s time for your death scene, despite the flurry of enemy gunfire, you yell, “Missed me! Missed me!” and run off into the woods, giggling.
10. You show up dressed like Chewbacca.
9. As the participants divide themselves into the armies of the North and the South, you proudly declare, “I shall fight for the East.”
8. You’re dressed like actress Cybil Shepherd, having mistakenly thought you had signed up to take part in a Cybil War Reenactment.
7. Having forgotten to secure a Confederate flag, you arrive at the battlefield with your neighbor’s rainbow flag.
6. After you’re killed you get back up and call out, “Zombie Civil War Reenactment!”
5. You show up with a Belgian 10.4 Garland revolver…which everyone knows wasn’t introduced until two years after the Civil War ended.
4. Half way through the battle of Chancellorsville you get hungry and order a pizza.
3. As soon as the reenactment begins you panic and surrender to a nearby shrub…effectively rewriting history and creating an alternate universe in which M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening is actually frightening, topiaries are outlawed, and every president is named President Bush.
2. The main reason you’re participating is to find out who won.
1. You charge the battlefield screaming, “I can’t wait to blog about this!”