Vs. The Mathematic Impossibility of Switching Car Insurance Companies

Posted: November 20, 2011 in Odds and Ends
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  Everyone likes to save money.  Fortunately, there is one sure-fire way to put some of your hard-earned cash back in your pocket – switch your car insurance.

I don’t know who started it, but I think it was Geico and their line, “fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent.”  Now, a quick survey of their websites demonstrates that every insurance company can save you money if you switch to their service.  Move to 21st and you can save $474.  Take your business to State Farm and enjoy a savings of $480.  Sign up with esurance and it’s $522.  Switch to Progressive and your bills may be up to $550 less.

So the good news is – it doesn’t matter which car insurance company you’ve chosen…you’ve, apparently, chosen the best one.

And the savings don’t stop there!  Allstate, for example, lists all sorts of potential savings on their site.  If you’re a “safe driver” you can save up to 45%.  Safety features such as airbags, anti-lock brakes and an anti-theft device can save you 30%, 10% and 10% respectively.  Are you a good student?  That’s another 20%.  Just the act of switching alone qualifies you for discounts of up to 10%.  You can save another 10% if you have multiple policies with Allstate.  Finally, sign up with EZ pay they’ll knock off an additional 5%.  Now, I’m no mathematician, but if you’re safe, smart and switch it looks like you could save up to 140% on your car insurance!  Not too shabby.


At this point, you may be wondering…how is it that every car insurance company is less expensive than every other car insurance company?  Like M.C. Escher’s Relativity, it doesn’t really matter that it’s impossible…it’s happening regardless.  And that’s the great thing about America (yes, there is still a great thing about America), when it comes to corporations and advertising, we never let logic get in the way of a great deal.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I make sense of this numerical mess of insurance claims?  Are you kidding me?  Why look a gift horse in the mouth?  (Of course, this idiom proved deadly to the Trojans.  They should have specifically looked that gift horse in the mouth…and they would have found dozens of Greeks planning to kill them.  So I guess we should say, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth…unless it’s a giant, wooden gift horse capable of housing fifty soldiers and the people giving you the gift are your sworn enemies whom you are currently at war with.”  Something like that.)  Sorry.  Like I was saying – why look a gift horse in the mouth?  For the past six months, I’ve been switching car insurance companies every two weeks.  And each time I save hundreds of dollars.  I’m currently getting paid handsomely to insure my vehicle.  And the more I switch, the more I make.  That’s right, I’ve become a professional insurance switcher for a living.  And it’s a good thing I can work from my house…ever since I’ve had these Escher staircases installed, I can’t seem to make my way outside…

  1. Change nationalities to Curacao and your new countrymen will toil up to 15% more vigorously for your benefit.

  2. speaker7 says:

    You realize this is the next bubble.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Ditch – I can safely say that I have no idea what you are talking about. But it sounds like it might be clever…if I understood.

      Speaker – I can safely say that I have no idea what you are talking about. But it, too, sounds like it might be clever.

  3. heathersnyder1 says:

    It would be hard for me to switch car insurance companies because of my work. I am required to have a million dollar umbrella policy (which insurance in general is actually pretty confusing to me so I just say, “ok, whatever”).

    But, the million dollar umbrella policy is pretty cool, because it means that if I destroy a CATV pedestal, light pole or the occasional pedestrian with my vehicle for the duration of each job, then I’m covered. Well, I might have to read the fine print on the policy because it might not really say “destroy”.

  4. Laura4NYC says:

    LOL I am so glad I don’t have to deal with that issue. I wouldn’t even know where to start looking for a suitable car insurance….

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