Vs. Sea Lions

Posted: October 27, 2011 in Animals
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  This is a lion.

Lion

And this is a sea lion.

Any questions?

You see what I’m gettin’ at?  As loveable and cute as they may be, I don’t see how these glorified seals have any right to call themselves lions.

Lions are ferocious carnivores at the top of their food chain.  Sea lions are pinnipeds with external ear flaps.  Yeah, apparently those external ear flaps are pretty important to a sea lion as it is the easiest way to distinguish them from seals.  Honestly, if my defining characteristic were an external ear flap I wouldn’t draw any attention to myself by calling myself a lion. 

Come on, lions are kings of the jungle.  And they don’t even live in the jungle.  Now that’s real power.  I wonder what office they hold in the savannah?  The sea lions main claim to fame is that it can hold its breath for forty minutes.  I’m no history scholar, but I don’t think anyone has ever gained a ruling position by demonstrating their ability to hold their breath.  (Although that would make for an engaging Republican presidential debate…might give Jon Huntsman a chance, I hear that guy’s got a real set of lungs on him).

Sea lions are also known for their intelligence.  It turns out that most of those trained seals you see at various water parks are actually sea lions.  It seems these guys have real identity issues.  Mistaking themselves for lions while everyone else is mistaking them for seals.  If they’re so darn smart, why don’t they demand credit for balancing that ball on their nose?  And why didn’t they pick a more appropriate name, like Sea Dogs?

Another interesting fact – male sea lions don’t eat during breeding season, they’re too busy protecting their females.  I’ll give them credit for that.  That’s dedication.  I’ve taken the opposite approach in my life – I don’t breed during eating season.  Has not served me well.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I talk some sense into these blubber-encased ocean mammals?  You know what, this sounds like a job for Aquaman.  (Wow, I bet that’s the first time anyone has ever said that).  Only Aquaman can speak their language.  Maybe he can get them to open their external ear flaps and listen to reason.  Which will free up my time for other, more important pursuits.  After all, it’s eating season.

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Comments
  1. heathersnyder1 says:

    Awww, they are adorable!!! Yeah, you’re right they should be called something like “Sea Creatures Closely Resembling Seals That Do Not Look or Act Like Lions”.

    I want a pet Sea Lion. I would call him Gregory. I would take him to the park everyday and dress him up in a tutu.

  2. Laura4NYC says:

    haha, adorable indeed! The zoo-people ran out of names what to call them as they had already given away seals and walruses, that’s why it had to be sea lion… Did you not know that, Dummie?! ;-)

    • Makya McBee says:

      Heather – I’ve done some reasearch, and there is no appropriate response to the notion of naming a sea lion Gregory and taking him to the park in a tutu…my apologies…

      Laura – A key component of calling someone a dummy is spelling dummy correctly…unless you were going for high-level irony, in which case, kudos to you, schmartee…

  3. Crystal says:

    So, the Sea Lions have been posing as seals in water parks, and I’ve been saying, “Look at those cute seals.”. Oh, that is sad! I feel for them. I’m sorry Sea Lions.

  4. Lokyra Stone says:

    I always thought they called themselves lions in order to try and convince their opponents that they are actually fierce warriors. Scare other animals away.

    I really like your Republican presidential debate idea. I wonder if it will catch on….

  5. Outlier Babe says:

    You are unduly limiting yourself in your choice of seasons, sir. My ideal of ultimate pleasure has always been to be able to do those three activities I enjoy most simultaneously: eat, sleep, and (choose your euphemism for doin’ the nasty). I have not yet managed the sleeping (oh, all right, perhaps, depending upon the euphemism, and whether I’m too mature to slam my ex-spouse.). However, food and fleshly funs can definitely be combined.

  6. Max says:

    Finally, someone addressed the sea elephant in the room! HEAR HEAR!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Max – Thanks for reading my blog…especially considering the fact that you’ve apparently got a sea elephant in your room, which leads me to believe there would be much better ways for you to spend your time.

      • Max says:

        Well it might sound exciting, but it’s a bit of a pain really. It takes up most of the bed and the honking gets bloody annoying after a while.

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