Vs. People Who Take Up Two Parking Spaces

Posted: September 12, 2011 in Behavior
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  You know those lines painted on the pavement in the parking lot?  Those are there for a reason.  They mark the boundaries of an individual parking space.  Your goal, as a driver bringing your car to a rest, is to guide your vehicle into that spot, so that your car is betweenthose two lines.  If your car is overlapping one of those lines, you are officially taking up two parking spaces, throwing the whole system off, and destroying society.

Cover of

Clap if you believe in parking correctly

Sure, maybe your kindergarten teacher, in an attempt to make an excuse for your below average dexterity foster your creativity, told you it’s okay to color outside the lines.  That was all well and good for coloring in Tinkerbell’s wand in your Peter Pan coloring book, but we’re not in Never Never Land anymore.  This is the real world.  You’re an adult.  Keep your car between the lines.

I understand that this may not be a big issue for everyone.  My parents and siblings live in the wilderness like the Swiss Family Robinson (and, yes, some of them do live in trees with a complicated series of pulleys and levers…I applaud their ingenuity but the internet service is sketchy at best) – when they park their cars the nearest adjacent car is typically six to seven miles away.  But I live in Los Angeles, where there are nearly ten million people and just under eight thousand parking spots. 

Parking is serious business here.  Typical street parking signs read like a novella with restrictions based on time of day, day of the week, side of the street and phase of the moon.  And (this is not an exaggeration) it is not uncommon to pay upwards of six dollars per fifteen minutes of parking at downtown garages.  You often need a calendar and a calculator (and a second income) just to figure out where you can park in this city. So, clearly, following the rules of parking is important here.  And when I see a vehicle sloppily spread out over two parking spaces, I want to take a chainsaw and sever off the part of the car that is overlapping and pile that scrap metal into the one parking space…but I rarely do this.  Usually I just grimace. 

I have no idea what makes a person think they are special enough to take up two spaces.  I don’t know if it’s a vision problem or just a complete indifference to where other people put their cars…either way, I don’t want to have anything to do with these people (I would, however, welcome them as competitors in a Tetris tournament).

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I teach these people how to park?  I have an idea for a new type of parking lot with what I call hot spots.  If a car’s tires are parked on the line, this will trigger a hidden, underground heating coil so that, when the guilty party returns to their vehicle, they’ll find that the tires that overlapped into the adjacent spot have been melted off of their car.  I’m guessing this will only have to happen to a person once – they’ll probably be a little more careful next time they park.  It might sound drastic, but I can’t take any more of these ridiculously common and utterly thoughtless parking practices…if this plan doesn’t work, I might just have to move in to my sister’s tree house.

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Comments
  1. I found a note tucked under my windscreen in our Tesco carpark saying Sorry for scratching your car there wasnt enough room to open my door properly. I looked for scratch marks but couldn’t find any. Strange.

  2. Queen Linda says:

    Go ahead, admit it, sometimes you’re doing more than just grimacing; possibly the quick sideways glance to make sure no one’s watching followed by an impolite hand gesture. Keep us posted on the parking wars.

  3. angelina says:

    This is a common and frustraiting problem. People need to calm down count to 10 and park like you got a pair! I know in some places your not required to parallel park anymore when you take a drivers test but you shouldnt be able to pass if you cant park in between the lines! Having said this, It brings up a previous Makaya vs…the shopping cart! shopping carts are also capable of taking up two spaces too!

    • Makya McBee says:

      David – That’s like a Twilight Zone episode…a decidedly uneventful Twilight Zone episode, but still…

      Linda – I don’t if I’ve ever in my life given an impolite hand gesture. I don’t have anything against it, it just isn’t that satisfying. I’m not sure I understand why people somehow feel better afterwards.

      Angelina – Yes, parking lots are overflowing with frustration – it’s a consitently irksome area.

  4. Laura4NYC says:

    hehe, I like the approach you want to take to prevent parking lot thiefs from spreading! You know many people simply don’t know how to drive in American anyway, though, so that could be the cause of why this problem exists in the first place. Albeit I do have to sadly admit that parking on more than one spot is universal – it drove me nuts all over Germany, too! Didn’t want to scratch the doors on that side of the car but I was tempted to do so…
    And what do I see? SIX DOLLARS FOR SOME PATHETIC 15(!!) MINUTES??!! I believe you pay 25 bucks an hour at parking garages over here, so almost the same, with the difference that you can travel everywhere by subway or other transportation, whereas LA’s public transportation is…well..underdeveloped I would carefully phrase. Those eight thousand spots are really not sufficient, I agree!

  5. Outlier Babe says:

    I’m rather fond of trolling solutions along the lines of davidstrachan611’s note. Another says “In return for you parking in two spaces, I’ve done something really devious to your car. It may take a while (days) to show up. See if you can find out what it is before then!”

  6. Sarah says:

    people who park their cars are essentially moral wrecks. They have no moral frameworks nor any empathy towards other people.
    Parking a car into two parking spaces is not only a sign of indifference but also a mild sign of psychopathy and indifference to other people around you.
    Such characters ought to be institutionalized and taught a lesson of how to live a good life; rather than to destroy freedom and space available to the rest of the free public. Such characters usually boast around both at home, at work and outside in the public where nobody is above them; they are above everybody else!

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