Vs. Being Mistaken for a Woman

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Odds and Ends
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  It’s not that I don’t like women.  I do.  Female is one of my all time top two genders.  It’s just that I happen not to be one of them.  But, with a name like “Makya” (rhymes with papaya), it’s anyone’s guess.  And anyone tends to guess female. 

So, I’m officially coming out as a man.  Having neglected to post a photograph of myself on this blog, some readers have confused me for someone with much more estrogen.  Which, in a way, I take as a compliment.  The fact that one can read my posts and not instantly determine my gender is how it should be.  Because here at Makya (still rhymes with papaya) McBee Vs. I represent all people, regardless of gender, race, or creed (except for left-handed people…gross).  But just because my writing is androgynous doesn’t mean I want to be.

This is an important time for me to acknowledge my maleness.  Being in my late-mid-thirties, I need to get married and have kids in the next couple of weeks.  And what better place to meet the future Mrs. Vs. than right here on my blog. 

“That’s right, kids, mommy and daddy met in the comments section of daddy’s blog…first I ‘liked’ him, then he twittered me…then we linked to each other’s websites…and that’s how we got you guys.”

And I have enough going against me – the fact that nobody knows I’m a guy is just compounding the issue.  (Sure, I’ve seen studies where women claim that a sense of humor is the first thing they look for in a man…BS, the first thing they look for is that he’s the spitting image of Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise, if a guy looks like that it doesn’t matter if can’t stumble his way through a knock-knock joke.  The first thing they look for is holy crap he’s handsome, the forty-third thing they look for is a sense of humor).  Nonetheless, this androgyny could really hurt my chances.  I’ve found that knowing your partner’s gender is a key component to most successful relationships.

And, as proof, I now offer photographic evidence of the body part that will confirm my maleness…

Adam's apple

Okay, technically, this is not a picture of me...my Adam's apple is not pronounced (come on, this guy looks like a boa constrictor digesting a tennis ball).

(A pronounced Adam’s apple, of course.  What were you thinking?  That I was gonna Favre up the place?)

Now that I think about it, perhaps my insecurity is rooted in my childhood.  I remember the day I was playing in a soccer game and one of the players from the opposing team came up to ask me if I could settle a bet – was I a boy or a girl?  Yes, that actually happened.  Granted, I was probably ten or eleven years old and had long hair (damn hippie parents), but it still wasn’t a great boost to my boy/manhood. 

And, over the years, I’ve received a lot of mail addressed to “Ms. Makya McBee,” which is the first sign that the sender doesn’t know me very well.  And it just continues to reinforce the fact that society finds it difficult to pinpoint my gender.  Luckily, I no longer have this problem when I meet people in person (the facial hair helps), but there are lingering, deep-rooted psychological issues here and within the relative anonymity of cyberspace I’d at least like to firmly secure my number of X chromosomes (two….I think…how many X chromosomes do guys have again…or is it an X and a Y…YY…I guess I did deserve that C in Biology)

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I dispel the myths and prove to the public that their dealing with testosterone city?  What can I say?  The fact that I’m not a man of means, a man of the world, or (apparently) a man of few words…doesn’t mean I’m not 100% (or, as of my last physical, 89%) man.

  1. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    “That’s right, kids, mommy and daddy met in the comments section of daddy’s blog…first I ‘liked’ him, then he twittered me…then we linked to each other’s websites…and that’s how we got you guys.”

    There are probably kids out there already that have this as their parents’ actual back story…

  2. heathersnyder1 says:

    I had the short hair Dorothy Hamill, boy cut style when I was a younger, so I relate to this story. I look at my pictures with my hair like that and cringe. I was boyfriend-less through most of my school life…why did this happen to me…Dorothy Hamill I hate you…whyyyyy…what a world, what a world…ughhhhh!!!

    • heathersnyder1 says:

      Well, I hated Dorothy Hamill for a while. But she’s just so adorable, you just can’t stay mad at her for too long.

  3. Laura4NYC says:

    I think it’s wonderful Ms. Makaya, how you are trying to convince people you are actually a guy…C’me on, we all know you have five kids and are preggers with your sixth!
    Another great blog!

  4. Britta Han says:

    I love the picture. That was the best part. . .what a great way to start the afternoon.

  5. roxyhart1973 says:

    I had no doubt that you were a Makya in guy form when I read your Vs. My Bracket


    Anyone that talks that passionately about March Madness. Not a doubt in my mind.

    • roxyhart1973 says:

      I have no idea where to send you your cupcakes.

      • Makya McBee says:

        AXL – You’re right…I’m probably not as innovative as I’d thought…but, come on, blog love is true love, right?

        Heather – As my mom told me repeatedly, growing up, “You can’t blame all of your problems on Dorothy Hamill.” (Which, in retrospect, was a very strange thing to say to me as I don’t recall having blamed any of my problems on Dorothy Hamill – maybe their was some sort of mix-up and your mom was accidentally giving you my advice…)

        Laura – Aha – you misspelled my first name, the second sign that someone doesn’t know me very well (eh, it’s a lesser sign, I’ve known people for years who still can’t spell my name). Fine, you got me, I’ve got the preggers depressions and am trying to pretend to be a man…it’s not easy being a single mom in Des Moines…

        Britta – It’s always nice to pour one’s heart and soul into a piece of writing and then have someone else tell them that the best part was a picture they found on the internet and popped in at the last second…luckily, I avoid pouring my heart and soul (or, even, much effort) into my writing and shall not take it this way…besides, I’m sure that you meant to say, “I love your writing. That was the best part…and the picture supplemented the humor adequately.” Right? Right?

        Roxy – I forgot about that one. Perhaps that did betray my gender by revealing one of my few manly attributes. But I spend much more time bawling at romantic comedies than I do watching college basketball.

        Roxy, Part II – Send them to Santa Monica, California, please.

  6. angelina says:

    My mom has 4 Girls and 1 boy. You would think she would maybe call me by my sisters names by mistake but she always calles me by my brothers name…..hmmmm last time i looked i have a rack and he doesnt. Dont see the comparison here. Well maybe because we both have red hair. But im pretty sure he’s boobless. I need a nametag

  7. carlyle71 says:

    Males have an X and a Y. The way I remember this is entirely sexist. See females have two Xs. An X is complete and Y is missing a piece that X has. Women are complete and men are missing pieces.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Angelina – I understand. I’m not sure there’s much connection between gender and this offspring amnesia…the rare times I’m together with my brother, sister and father – he’ll tend to randomly call us by each other’s names – and sometimes even throw in some of the seven dwarves…

      Carlyle – Yes, X is more complicated than Y, as women are always taking simple things and over-complicating them. See, two can play the sexist chromosome game (coming next year, from Milton Bradley). All of my exes are women – that’s another way to remember the double X. Or how about this, guys have a Y, as in, “Why are men so awesome?!?”

  8. zaidaisabella says:

    Not once did I doubt your gender. The description of your blog reads “One Man Takes on the World.” Plus, I just never matched up your “voice,” if you will, with a woman. Just..no. So yeah. You are definitely a man. Good to continue to know. 🙂

    • Makya McBee says:

      Isabella – Congratulations, yours is my 1,000th comment! You’ve won…my respect.

      And a worthy comment it is. Perhaps I should have taken the time to read the description of my own blog – I forgot I put that subtitle up there…It now occurs to me that perhaps no one ever thought I was female, that it was all in my mind…oh, well – the soccer story is still true. I can’t help but wonder, however, if I hadn’t identified myself as a man, if my “voice” could pass as femine. And if not…why? What would make me sound more girly? (Not a question most guys ask, I suppose).

      • Laura4NYC says:

        Perhaps hers is your 1,000th comment because YOU keep blabbing on and adding to your OWN comment section Ms. MakYA, ever thought of THAT?!
        I guess I am just jealous because I haven’t reached 100 yet… :-(((

      • Makya McBee says:

        Cherry – My gratitude for the gender acknowledgment. I’m glad you enjoyed it. You’re the woman!

        Washington – Yep, kids are the worst. The only thing more unbearable than kids…is adults. Present company excluded.

        Laura – What can I say, I give every comment I receive the care and attention it deserves. A comment is like a baby bird – if you ignore it, it will die, if you feed it, together you’ll soar. Also, they both have feathers. But, look at me, I’m blabbing on…

  9. cherry says:

    Mr Makya…. sir… I enjoyed reading your post…:-)
    You’re the man!

  10. Love this story! So funny. Kids can be so cruel.

  11. It’s one X and one Y, for future reference 🙂 If you have more than that, there could be issues with having a family in the next 2 weeks…..

  12. Jennifer says:

    This blog is super funny!
    I for one love all of your comments back to the readers. It shows that you actually care, and that’s one of the reasons you have thousands of comments. Not only do you have entertaining stories, but your comments are very humorous, too. We all love you and your stories Makya McBee Vs.
    Keep on doing what you are doing, you do it very well.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Katie – I find it a little suspicious that we’ve never met and yet you “know” so much about my chromosomes…what’s next? You predict the length of my small intestine? (I saw that as a game at a state fair once, “Guess Your Weight and/or Intestine Length”…I won a purple, stuffed octopus).

      Jennifer – Thank you very much. I do try and put some thought into my replies and it’s lovely to know that someone is reading them. Right now, for example, I’m thinking about a wildly clever way to wrap up this very reply…but I got nothin’…

    • roxyhart1973 says:

      I also read the comment section. Love his answers, very clever, amusing and entertaining.

      • Makya McBee says:

        Thanks…of course I couldn’t reply to comments without your comments. (I guess I could, it would just be very unusual and difficult to follow).

  13. Lokyra Stone says:

    I think I made us both into you-know-whats, as I assumed you were male. The voice is definitely male.
    Now, if you *want* to develop a feminine voice, I’m sure we could figure something out.
    Also, I only just noticed that the majority of your commentators are female. That’s saying something, but I’m not quite sure what….

    Also, lovely and hilarious blog, as per your usual. Bravo.

  14. JP Feed says:

    “Sure, I’ve seen studies where women claim that a sense of humor is the first thing they look for in a man…BS, the first thing they look for is that he’s the spitting image of Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise, if a guy looks like that it doesn’t matter if can’t stumble his way through a knock-knock joke.”

    This is so true. I’m gonna need to borrow this line.

  15. theoneyearchallenge says:

    I don’t think Brad Pitt is very attractive. Rodney Dangerfield, however…

    • Makya McBee says:

      Lokyra – I do want to develop a feminine voice, I keep trying but I just end up sounding like Mickey Mouse. I don’t know how you ladies do it. (And, yes, online is the only place where women are drawn to me…but I’ll take what I can get).

      JP – Okay, borrow it if you must…but I’ll need it back by Wednesday.

      365 – You’re not fooling anyone…

  16. Lokyra Stone says:

    Well most guys have a problem with trying to force too high of a pitch. Only Marilyn Monroe ever spoke like that. So unless you’ve got blonde hair, a great rack, and some badass wardrobe managers, don’t force it so much. (If you *do* have blonde hair, a great rack, and some badass wardrobe managers… yeah, I have no idea where I’m going with that.)

    And we ladies do it because we are hardcore badasses.

    It only has to *start* online. Formulate a plan!

    (Maybe I should wait til I’ve had more sleep to comment on people’s posts…)

  17. theoneyearchallenge says:

    “I don’t get no respect.”

    • Makya McBee says:

      Lokyra – You ladies are “hardcore badasses?” The whole reason I wanted to develop my feminine side is so that I could afford to be less of a hardcore badass (as if that were possible).

      Challenge – Okay, you’ve stumped me. I have no idea how to respond. You win…this round.

  18. Lokyra Stone says:

    Of course we’re hardcore badasses! Just look at the skills required to be a lady!

    You do, however, have some options available to you. Modern society has opened up Junior Lady and Junior Gentleman clubs. You get almost all the benefits, without having to reach Badass status. It would be up to you if you joined the Lady or Gentleman club.

  19. roxyhart1973 says:

    So if I send the cupcakes to Makya McBee, Santa Monica, CA, you will get them, right?

  20. Outlier Babe says:

    1. Muh-KIE-yuh. Got it. Old people know they almost call the wind that.

    2. Agree with zaidaisabella that your voice immediately strikes one as male. But you stand out from most of that ilk because you like to think about a wide variety of topics from many angles, and because you listen to your audience. Hmm…now agree with Laura4NYC that you are female.

    3. Brad Pitt? Give me Denzel’s overbite any day–just slays me–plus, what is sexier than him saying that the secret to a successful marriage is to do what your wife asks you, and do it the first time? Now THAT is a man a woman will do her best to keep happy.

    4. Scouting for women via your blog? Jeez, McBee, how badly did you screw up out there that all the women in the L.A. basin apparently consider you a dating pariah? Sad…so sad.

    • Makya McBee says:

      What is sexier than doing what your wife asks you the first time? I don’t know…almost anything? And what good is a blog if it doesn’t eventually find me the future Mrs. Versus?

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