Vs. ED Commercials

Posted: July 23, 2011 in Odds and Ends
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  ED commercials are ridiculous.  And I’m not talking about advertisements for Mr. Ed.  Speaking of which, did anyone else see Hot to Trot?  It was one of the first movies I went to see without my parents…it looked so cool, Bobcat Goldthwait and a talking horse – how could they go wrong?  You know what the tagline for that movie was?  “The funniest talking horse movie ever!”  And, with the exception of Babe, Animal Farm, Barnyard, Charlotte’s Web, Dr. Dolittle, 101 Dalmatians, Racing Stripes, Home on the Range and all of the other talking horse movies I can’t think of right now, they were right.  But, like I said, I’m not talking about talking horses.  I’m talking about erectile dysfunction.

Hot to Trot

Image via Wikipedia

I’m talking about Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.  Have you seen their commercials?  There are a lot of them and they tend to feature forty and fifty something couples dancing and graying men riding motorcycles as very thinly veiled metaphors.  The commercials tend to be ridiculous.  And this is an impotent important issue.

One of these commercials features a man trying to throw a football through the center of a tire swing.  And failing repeatedly.  He tries the magic pill and – BINGO – he tosses the ball through the hole with perfect accuracy again and again.  I guess subtlety isn’t one of their strengths.  I mean, it must be a metaphor, because no one is as happy as this guy looks throwing a football through a hole.  But, you know what they say, men think about throwing balls through tire swings once every seven seconds.

Then there’s the one with the guy whose car overheats.  He pulls up at a gas station, walks right past the mechanic and purchases a bottled water.  He takes a swig, struts past the mechanic again, pops the hood and pours in the remaining liquid.  This is accompanied by some copy about knowing how to get things done and taking action.  So…they’re using a guy who independently gets things done and doesn’t need any help…to sell a pill that helps men “get things done” when they definitely need some help. 

One of these companies features a pair of bathtubs in their ads.  These bathtubs are always in random places – a field, a hilltop, a beach…never in a bathtub’s natural environment.  I don’t know how these bathtubs got out there.  I don’t know how these bathtubs got filled with water.  I don’t know where the man and woman in these bathtubs put their clothes.  I don’t know what two bathtubs have to do with erectile dysfunction.  But I do know that if I went on a hike and found a bathtub sitting in a meadow, I would not get in it.

The worst commercial, however, is “Viva Viagra.”  This is the one where they rewrote the lyrics to “Viva Las Vegas,” to praise their pharmaceutical.  It features a group of middle-aged men in a garage laughing and singing about their failing bodies.  And this one is clearly the most authentic.  Because when a man is no longer able to perform his husbandly duties…you just can’t stop him from singing about it.

“Hey, guys, I can no longer be intimate with my wife – wanna meet in my garage and express our feelings via the power of music?” 

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I help these drugs make better commercials?  I know it’s not going to be easy.  Making an effective ED ad is hard – they’ve got some stiff competition – it’s straight up difficult – we’ve got to be firm in our efforts – okay, I’ll stop now.

Having some experience with copywriting, I thought I could write some new taglines for these products.  Then I realized, there are plenty of good taglines out there already – we can just use one of them.

How about we borrow the line from Avis – “We try harder.”

We could remake the old LifeCall ads, with a whole new meaning, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

Or, my ultimate solution, we bring back the Energizer Bunny to sell these pills…with just a minor adjustment to their tagline – “It keeps growing, and growing, and growing…”

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Comments
  1. heathersnyder1 says:

    I had to think…um…long and hard what to write here in this comment section.
    Hahahahaha!!! This is hilarious!!! I agree the commercials are ridiculous and I was wondering as well about that tub.

  2. Luda says:

    Wait, you really wouldn’t get into a full bathtub in the middle of an open field? That’s weird.

  3. angelina says:

    Try sitting on the couch with your husband enjoying a good show when the commercial break comes on and its an ad for feminine itch and feminine wash. ” for those days when your not feeling so fresh..down there…use feminine wash. Uuugghhh

  4. roxyhart1973 says:

    This is extremely funny. Just as I was reading this, one of those commercials came on the TV. Coincidence, I think not.

  5. ED commercials aren’t just on the TV–we get ads on our email! Luckily they go into spam and die there unopened!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Heather – Congratulations, you’ve just earned your bad pun badge (I’ve got fourteen of them).

      Luda – If not getting into a full bathtub in the middle of an open field is wrong…I don’t want to be right.

      Angelina – Despite your ringing endorsement, I don’t think I will be trying that.

      Roxy – It’s a conspiracy, I’m sure of it. Did you know that “Levitra” is an anagram of “Evil rat?” Then again, it could also be “Live art.” Now I don’t know what to think…

      Elizabeth – You’re right, there’s no escaping them – still, we must persevere.

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        Yayyy! I earned a badge! I always wanted one of those. By the way, I don’t remember “Hot to Trot”. I obviously followed Don the Horse’s career, I don’t know how I missed this movie.

      • roxyhart1973 says:

        I knew it, it is a conspiracy! Those Evil Rats and their tubs sitting around willy nilly. They must be stopped! This is an outrage.

      • Makya McBee says:

        I agree. I’ll even go so far as to say that all things that are done “willy nilly” should be stopped. Nothing great was ever accomplished willy nilly.

  6. Roger Waite says:

    Thank you for vs. what most men are thinking. Most men, except for the ones in the commercial, in the bathtubs that are in ridiculous locations. Bravo Makya!

    • You know what’s wrong with the bathtub in the meadow? Spiders and mosquitos. They will love those random meadow bathtubs. Oh yeah, and snakes. Snakes love meadow bathtubs. Bears and deer and other critters would think it is a water trough. Beware of meadow bathtubs.

  7. Jennifer says:

    ED commercials are a hoot. Thank you Makya McBee for getting the “Viva Viagara” song stuck in my head. So now everytime I walk down the hall, open a drawer or a door, look in the mirror, I sing it.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Roger – You’re welcome. Men in ridiculous bathtubs never think clearly – I’m pleased to be the voice of reason.

      ILove PM – Yes, they seem much less romantic when we think about them realisticallly.

      Jennifer – Elvis would be so proud.

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