Here’s the deal.  In 1998, the first blog was created by Jebediah Blogersven (sample quote from the world’s first blog entry – “Has anybody seen this new show, Dawson’s Creek?  OMG it’s awweessoomme”).  He went on to create the ten commandments of blogging (“Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s modem”) and write the blogger’s etiquette guide, in which he suggested that each blogger provide their readers with a progress update every 39 days.  After writing my 39 and 78 day updates, I was faced with the task of composing my 117 day update.  But I was torn.  It was my duty as a blogger.  But, in my native Scotland, 117 is considered an extremely unlucky number, because the very first kilt took 117 hours to sew and contained 117 stitches.  We’ve been wearing kilts ever since but, come on, we know they look ridiculous.  So, instead, I offer you my 126 day update…yeah…it’s for all those factual, completely not made up reasons…not because I just forgot that another 39 days had passed…

Image via Wikipedia

Remember when I took on glass ketchup bottles?  Well, I just learned that Collinsville, Illinios is home to the world’s largest ketchup bottle.  And, last week, they had the World’s Largest Ketchup Bottle Festival.  If you would like to see perhaps the least riveting news story ever, check out the local station’s hype for this festival here.  I say Collinsville must be stopped.  They are celebrating ketchup bottles in a huge, grotesque manner.  Have they no shame?  While the rest of us are tormented by these condiment containers, Collinsville celebrates their Pagan rituals in the shadow of their ketchup bottle god.  We must bring the fight to them…or, at the very least, not ride the merry go round at their festival.

And our valiant work against flip flops is also not complete.  Per this story, Snooki has just launched her own line of flip flops.  That’s right, Snooki – whose only claim to fame is…actually, she doesn’t have a claim to fame, fame just sort of fell in her lap (or got stuck in her hair).  This pocket-sized reality star is trying to make flip flops cool again.  Well I say, no, Snooki.  No to your flip flops.  No to your brand.  No to your shrill pitch.  Those shoes are as flimsy as your celebrity and I’m not buying either.

How about my most recent entry, where I competently versused ineffective alarms.  Well, the world has listened.  Check out this story about the new smoke detector that holds up to four phone numbers and sends out personalized text messages when smoke is detected.  Perhaps it speaks poorly of our society that we respond better to a text message than a beeping alarm, but whatever works.  (“OMG, there’s smoke in the pantry…and the newest episode of Dawson’s Creek was awweessoomme.”)

And who can forget my classic take on Kool-Aid (other than, obviously, the majority of humanity, who has yet to read it)?  Well, you can see here that my warnings have gone unheeded.  The newest delicacy?  Fried Kool-Aid.  What else can I say?  Fried Kool-Aid.  I’m pretty sure that’s the second sign of the Apocalypse.   

Herman Cain

Image by Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Of course, the blogosphere is still all atwitter (and Twitter, coincidentally, is all ablog) about my exposé on state symbols.  But the states aren’t slowing down any.  Just last week, North Carolina declared stock car racing their state sport (full story here).  And, this is unverified, I’m pretty sure that Illinois has elected a new State Oversized Novelty Festival – the World’s Largest Ketchup Bottle Festival.

You think I was making up the fact that politicians refer to themselves in the third person?  Check out this recent interview with Herman Cain, where he is actually asked when he started referring to himself in the third person.

Lastly, let’s check in on the kangaroos.  You can read here about how the Eastern Grey kangaroo population in Australia is out of control.  That’s right, these marsupials are bent on world domination!  Or, at the very least…Australian domination!  As a solution, they’re introducing kangaroo birth control.  I didn’t read the whole story, but I sure hope it’s called the diaphragm-aroo.

As always, my many thanks to those of you who read, comment and recommend this blog to others.  Together we are taking on the mild annoyances of the day and victory is within reach.  So ask your friends to take a chance on this blog and help us change the world one word at a time.  Because, remember, you can’t spell “world” without “word.”  There’s only one letter difference between “chance” and “change.”  And you only need one “m” to turn “Dawson’s Creek” into “awesome.”

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Comments
  1. angelina says:

    I watched an epsidoe, and one is as far as i got… Dawsons creek is not as awesome as they say

  2. Wow! Fried Kool-Aid? Who? What? Why? How did this happen? Should I start stockpiling the fall-out shelter with canned food and bottled water? I am scared, really scared.

  3. Well Im sitting on the couch dressed to the nines in my flip flops, eating a hot dog with ketchup(from a glass jar) watching a totally non-awesome episode of Dawson’s Creek all while ignoring my neighbors car alarm. Life is wonderful!!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Angelina – How dare you question the Creek and/or the Beek? Highly literate teens with filmmaking aspirations and buckets of angst. How can you go wrong?

      ILPM11 – You should be scared. And you should be stockpiling the fall-out shelter….quickly, before someone decides to deep fry it.

      Elizabeth – I’m pleased as punch that you’re adapting the full Makya McBee Vs. lifestyle – it can only lead to good things.

  4. Jennifer says:

    Congratulations on the 126 Days. Snooki scares me and I’m sure her flip-flops will too. Can we bottle her up inside the World’s Largest Ketchup Bottle? That will be a hoot!

  5. Luke says:

    Hey McBee, I have a topic for your next vs. – Line cutters. Is anything more annoying than that? I’ve been in three fights in my adult life, and two were because of people jumping in line out of turn. People need to take a stand!

    • Makya McBee says:

      I’ve never been in a fight…probably because I release all of my hostilities via this blog…either that or the fact that I have a strong aversion to physical harm…I’ll add your suggestion to my list in the hope that it’ll keep you from getting into that next fight.

  6. roxyhart1973 says:

    I’m a couple of days short of congratulating you on your 126 Day update. I baked you a cake and everything.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Did you bake a nail file into the center of the cake? I sure hope not – it sounds unappetizing. If you’re not helping someone escape from prison, the whole nail file thing doesn’t really make any sense. Not that a nail file wouldn’t be a splendid gift. I would just wrap it separately from the cake…no real reason to put it inside the cake. Not, I suppose, that there’s any reason to think you would have baked a nail file into this cake. No, I’m sure you didn’t…did you? Forget it. The nail file thing is silly. Thank you so much for the cake. Could you Fed-Ex it to Santa Monica?

      • roxyhart1973 says:

        Yes, I will Fed-Ex the cake to you. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a nail file to bake in the cake, but I did bake a turducken and a Cherpumple into the cake. I thought that if it was a chicken stuffed into a duck, stuffed into a turkey, it wouldn’t hurt to bake it into a cake. Then I added the Cherpumple pie/cake on top. I might add, it is quite tasty.

      • Makya McBee says:

        Okay, I had to Google “Cherpumple” – and, while I still appreciate the gesture, you can keep the Turduckencherpumple cake. I’m a simple man. And that is the most complicated dessert ever.

  7. roxyhart1973 says:

    I knew I should’ve baked you chocolate cupcakes instead!

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