Vs. Buffering

Posted: May 25, 2011 in Internet
Tags: , , ,

Here’s the deal.  Many thanks to Crystal who, after endlessly suffering from buffering, suggested this reader of the week topic.  And a swell topic it is.  Because we’ve all experienced it.  We’re trying to watch some video online and up pops that familiar, white windmill…circling around endlessly…mocking us…staring right at us and innocently chirping, “Oh, were you waiting for me?  Gimme a second, I just need to make a few thousand more revolutions, here.”

Meanwhile, we’re only three and a half seconds into our youtube cute cat video.  That crazy kitty crawled into a boot!  Cats don’t belong in shoes!  That’s adorable!  And I want to know what happens next!

Hang In There, Baby!

Image by Salim Virji via Flickr

Here’s the problem – nobody knows what buffering is.  Our top scientists have been studying it for years, but it remains as elusive as….check that, turns out it’s a region of memory used to temporarily hold data while it’s being moved from one place to another.  But what does that even mean?  And since when did a region of memory look like a tiny, infinite series of circular dominoes?

Stop stopping my entertainment, you menacing region of memory!  If I wanted a frozen image of a feline, I’d buy a poster…probably that cute one that says, “Hang in there.”  Sure, people make fun of that poster, but darned if it isn’t adorable.  What was I saying?  Oh, yeah, that’s what I’d do if I wanted a still image of a cat – I want moving cats.  More specifically, I want delightful moving cats that do ridiculously cute things, and I want them now.

One site suggested that the buffering issue could be solved by getting rid of all the cookies on my computer…why is it that the root of all my life problems is too many cookies?  It’s not fair.  I like cookies.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I stop buffering from ruining all of my on-line viewing experiences?  Um, just wait for the video to download completely before playing…actually, that was pretty easy.

  1. angelina says:

    I was paroosing the web and up popped the enticing silly man dance. Awesome! I haven’t seen it yet! I start the download and…..buffering!!! My life is not complete. How will i sleep with no silly man dance 😦

  2. Elizabeth Dodd says:

    Makya, TV has had buffering for years!! It is called-commercials!!
    See, when commercials come on, you get up and get a snack, go to the bathroom, or whatever. When the little buffering whirligig comes on–use your time wisely: clean out the car, take the dog for a walk, buy your groceries–it will still be buffering when you return! Think of how much more you can accomplish in a day!
    (Just don’t sit and stare at it. You will self hypnotize.)

    • Makya McBee says:

      Angelina – I have no idea what the silly man dance is…but just not knowing what it is will probably keep me up tonight. I feel your pain.

      Elizabeth – Solid advice. Buffering is the commercial break of the internet world…I think you really might be on to something here, they could sell that time so that, instead of a pointless white windmill, a little cartoon of Coca Cola or Old Navy could come up. I say we go into business and split the profits 48%-52%

  3. Lovella says:

    Ok, Makya….First of all, I want to warn you I >>buff>>buffer>>bufferin>>>buffering>>. ok, lets try that again, real fast and maybe I won’t buffer.

    My theory in life is this: It’s easier and faster to be forgiven than get permission.

    I come to you most memorable classmate with morning announcements that almost caused me to wet my pants in homeroom. What is your take on my theory? A lot of..well, let’s say almost everybody doesn’t understand it, however, you will, because I have faith in you! Solve that one for people to live by and their life would be so much more happy!!! Now, can I have my cookies, goldfish that are honey flavored please, and KC, upgrade to the Ultimate family Package Deal for only $299/month 10,000 channels, free for the first 3 months if you call now, but wait.. we will even throw in one month free to have a t.v. hooked up in every room of your house, including this new waterproof t.v. for your shower, so you won’t miss a second of CNN! Call now, this offer is only good for the next 10 callers!

    • Makya McBee says:

      To those who read my blog but are not privy to my Facebook shenanigans, this comment is mostly related to a status update that got out of control. Of course it is easier and faster to be forgiven than to get permission (permission buffers endlessly). Perhaps easier yet is to avoid doing those things for which one would have to later ask for forgiveness. Then again, I’d do about anything for a waterproof TV.

  4. heathersnyder1 says:

    Instead of the “Buffering Wheel of Death”, could they just have a pop-up theater person holding up a sign that says “Intermission” or “Time to get popcorn and soda” like they do in theaters. It would be more entertaining.

    • Makya McBee says:

      No. Not time to get popcorn. It’s never time to get popcorn.

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        Oops! I forgot popcorn is evil…I’m not eating popcorn as I write this…no sir…no popcorn for this gal. OK, I confess I’m eating popcorn as I write this, I couldn’t help it. Don’t judge me…look away, I’m hideous!

      • Makya McBee says:

        It’s okay. As noted in the vs. popcorn blog – I accept the fact that everyone else in the world likes popcorn. I don’t understand it. But I accept it.

  5. Josha says:

    i think buffering is a lovely way to get out little smears and spots on the computer screen. if your busy and don’t have the time to do it it yourself and what not right.? or else there are other things that could make it all work out just fine.

  6. The buffering wheel sometimes hypnotizes me. It is like that crazy spiral in “Vertigo”.

  7. Crystal says:

    Oh thank you for doing this Makya McBee Vs.

    I need to catch up on my Makya McBee Vs. it’s been very hectic at work and classes. I’ve missed so many of these posts while I’ve been away from my computer. But, I applaud your effort in your battle against Buffering. Thank you for taking on the magical pinwheel of doom 🙂

  8. Roger Waite says:

    If I see the buffering symbol, I just bring out my baseball bat and it usually scares the computer into getting up the video for me quickly. Works every time.

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