Here’s the deal. The new Bed, Bath & Beyond flier came in the mail this week. I made my first effort to purge my BB&B demons here, but just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in.
That’s right, it’s a whole new round of useless products that I somehow crave. Immediately, the Solar Garden Stakes caught my eye. For $9.99 you can buy a rod that you stick into the ground, atop of which is a fake sunflower plant that, through the miracle of solar power, lights up. I couldn’t help but think, however, that if one wanted something that is both solar powered and looks like a sunflower, one could purchase…a sunflower.
Page 15 features the Towel Wrap. This product is a towel with two straps sewn on so that one can wear the towel like a dress. It’s Snuggie’s less attractive cousin. I suppose it’s designed for all of those women who are always looking for a more absorbent dress. Come on, who hasn’t always wanted to wear a towel around all day…oh, yeah, everybody.
Or, for the low, low price of $19.99 you can have your very own Princess Castle Play Tent. It’s ideal for “indoor/outdoor fun.” Perfect, I love indoor/outdoor fun. Those are two of my favorite types of funs. And just take a look at this photo from the flier –
Could that girl be having anymore indoor/outdoor fun? She’s so happy, it really makes me want to buy myself a Princess Castle Play Tent. Granted, the only difference between this and simply sitting in the grass, is a thin layer of pink plastic, but look at that smile. This thing is awesome!
But my favorite, easily, is the Bananza. Check it out –
Tired of labor-intensive banana slicing? Working your fingers to the bone as you saw through this tropical fruit in preparation of your breakfast cereal? Well, fret no more. The Bananza is here! No more one slice at a time nonsense. Get ready for state-of-the-art banana slicing. This handy tool can save you, literally, tens of seconds over your lifetime.
Who invented this thing? This could be the most useless time saving device I’ve ever seen. It probably takes more time to clean this thing afterwards than the time it saves. Sure, I’ve had my issues with bananas, but slicing them was never the problem. Slicing a banana has never been anyone’s problem in the history of the Universe.
So, how am I going to do it? How will I resist the urge to buy useless products from Beyond? Fortunately, this company is doing its darndest to help me out, by making their products increasingly ridiculous. So, thank you, triple B – the more useless your products become, the easier it is for me to not buy them. Except for, maybe, the Princess Castle Play Tent…dang that thing looks like indoor/outdoor fun.