Vs. Steve Martini

Posted: May 6, 2011 in Books
Tags: , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  I’ve got issues with Steve Martini.  As it turns out, I don’t actually know who Steve Martini is, other than the fact that he’s an author.  I can’t name any of his books.  I don’t what genre he works in.  And, yet, he foils me consistently.

Here’s the problem – every time I see a Steve Martini book at the store, I think to myself, “Tremendous, a new book by Steve Martin!”  You see, I’m a huge Steve Martin fan.  Love the guy.  And I’m enraged by Mr. Martini’s ability to tack an extra vowel on the end of his surname and confuse us all.

What percentage of his book sales are due to people who think they’re buying the newest comedic treasure?  How dare you, Martini?  Oh, look at me…I’m named after a sophisticated adult beverage…I’m shaken not stirred…I have an olive in me…get over yourself.

What if every new author just took the name of a well known comedian and added a vowel to the end? 

“Have you read George Carlina’s newest book?”

“Not yet, I’m still working on that Richard Pryori mystery you recommended.”

“Oh, if you like that, you’ll love the work of Ellen DeGenerese.”

“How about that bestseller by Brazillian romance novelist, Rodney Dangerfieldo?”

You can see how this might be a problem. 

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I stop mistaking Steve Martini for Steve Martin and get on with my life?  I could show Mr. Martini how it feels by publishing my own book under the pen name – Steve Martinii – then he’d get a taste of his own medicine.  I’d trick his fans into buying my book, plus I’d get the readers who buy his books thinking they’re picking up a Steve Martin book (not to mention the small percentage of Steve Martin’s sales that are due to people who are attempting to purchase one of the tomes of lesser known, Cuban self-help author Steve Martí).  That’s what I’ll do.  So, watch out, Steve Martini – because I’m playing for keeps.  And I say the punishment should match the crime.  Yep, it’s an “i” for an “i”.

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Comments
  1. leah says:

    Makes sense to me. Looking forward to your book.

  2. angelina says:

    I think he should change his name to Bob!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Bob Martini? Or Steve Bob? Or just Bob (like Cher, but less attractive). Or are you talking about me? I should change my name to Bob? What’s going on here?

  3. Elizabeth Dodd says:

    Hi, Makya!
    Maybe Steve Martini is trying to send a subliminal message–his book is to be read after 6-in your dinner clothes-with the lights dimmed.
    Or–maybe you have to get liquored-up to enjoy and understand what he is writing! The cover looks awful secretive. No telling what the story line is.
    That’s usually the case!

    • Makya McBee says:

      I don’t even have dinner clothes…I used to, but I spilled my dinner on them. And, how can you read anything with the lights dimmed? This Martini fellow is all types of trouble.

      • Elizabeth Dodd says:

        Yeah, maybe you could trying to find someone who has read this Martini person’s books and they can give you a book report. That way you can make sure this isn’t Steve Martin in disguise, or a Steve Martin look-alike!

  4. Jennifer says:

    I do the same thing when I see books by Zane Grey, I always get his name mixed up with Billy Zane. I always think, “Why is the guy from Titanic writing books about the Old West…oh it’s Zane Grey, not Billy Zane…never mind”. It’s the whole Zane thing, it’s driving me inZane.
    I can’t wait to read your book as well. Tell the book people that I have spoken. Make it so book people.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Billy Zane is confusing. All through Titanic I kept thinking, what is the Phantom doing on this boat…I guess what really confuses me is that thing when actors play different roles in different movies.

      • Jennifer says:

        And, who will ever forget his stellar performance in Back to the Future 1 & 2 where he plays the character “Match”. OK, I kind of didn’t realize he was in BTTF 1 & 2.

  5. Dude, if you see a book by Howie Mandella just walk away. Just walk away.

  6. heathersnyder1 says:

    Yeah, I agree, if you could write your book under the name Martini with an extra “i” that’ll teach Steve Martini to fool us like that. Or you could go the Celebrity Couples route and combine your names: “MakyaTini” sounds like a really ‘Wild and Crazy’ drink. “MartiniMcBee” maybe, but then again you could be confused with Martina McBride. “McTini” I don’t know, I’ll work on it.

    • Makya McBee says:

      MakyaTini – I like the sound of that (except for my one ex-girlfriend that kept calling me that…just rude).

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        Hahahaha! Well, I’m still thinking of a name. Maybe M&M. No, already taken. McBee & Martini sounds too much like a law firm or a ’70’s band. Hmmm…what to do, what to do…

  7. I would love to buy a book by Makya McBee. You can put all of your Makya McBee vs. into book form, too. That would be nice.

    I agree with the other readers. Come on publishers. Stop dragging your feet and get Makya McBee’s book out there. What is your problem?

    Do you want me to rough ’em up for you? I know some people.

  8. roxyhart1973 says:

    Oh! I’m a huge Steve Martin fan too! I think I’m in love! Quick, favorite Steve Martin movie___________.

    I also like my Martinis shaken not stirred. I do not want my Martinis, Steve.

    • Makya McBee says:

      My favorite Steve Martin movie? That’s like asking me to pick my favorite child (Eduardo). I love The Jerk for it’s silliness and the fact that it started his film career. I think Housesitter may be his most underrated movie – I love it when he sings to his dad. The Three Amigos could have the most jokes per minute – consistently hilarious. But we can’t forget his ability to mix drama with his comedy, Parenthood (actually, both the movie and the TV show) is excellent. Any of these could be my favorite, but I tend to go with LA Story as it was the movie that maybe most spoke to his experiences and world view – and it’s a nice mix of ridiculous and touching. Dang, you asked me a question I actually care about the answer to and made me be serious. Well done.

      • roxyhart1973 says:

        Absolutely brilliant! Most of those are my favorite choices. I do have to watch the movie The Three Amigos, time and time again. I have to quote from that one non-stop. I will quote from that movie to strangers I meet in the street. And, I love that song “My Little Buttercup”.
        Parenthood is a wonderful movie, a lot of talent in that one. Also spawning a TV show is a great compliment to any movie writer I’m sure.

  9. LOL! Second hand bookshops I’ve been to always carry the guy’s (Martini) works. Might be crap, but who knows?

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