Here’s the deal.  March 21, 2006 was a tragic day in television history.  For it was on this day that The Real Housewives of Orange County aired for the first time.

This is a terrible television show.  Granted, I’ve never seen an episode.  But some shows are so bad, you can tell without ever having to watch.  (I don’t have to take a bite of cow manure to know I don’t want to eat it).

I’ve seen plenty of ads for this and its successors.  I’ve seen clips.  I’ve even been flipping though the channels and watched for a few minutes before the retching began and I had to change it to any other station.

Just the opening credits are enough to make me wince.  Why do all of these women have their hands on their hips?  Why is there hair flipping about?  Sass overload!  Sass overload!


And how are these women the “real” housewives of anywhere?  Please.  Do real housewives burst into mascara-smearing tears when they don’t get into the latest Kenny G-headlined black tie fundraiser?  Are real housewives involved in backseat limousine cat fights on a weekly basis?  Do real housewives spend more time interviewing interior decorators for their third house in Aspen than they do parenting their own children?   

At least, I assume from the ads this is what’s going on.

And yet, it’s wildly popular, spawning spinoffs in New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, D.C., Beverly Hills and Miami.  And, unfortunately I am not making this up, The Real Housewives of Athens  premiered in Greece just last month.  Toronto and Israel are currently filming.   And I can only assume that the real housewives of Zimbabwe and the Real Inuits of the Arctic can’t be far behind.

I’ve gotta say, America has a bad enough image abroad – these broads aren’t helping any.  These are not the people I want other nations associating with our society.  Most Americans don’t think the name on the label of their clothing triples the value of the garment.  Most Americans don’t view plastic surgery as a recreational activity.  Most Americans don’t have time to stand around with their hand on their hip, wind  blowing in their hair, smiling coyly at a camera.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I defeat this real housewife army?  I suppose I could just wait for them to run out of cities.  No.  Something must be done. 

Like Austin Power’s fembots, these women do a fair job of self-imploding.  Leave a camera on them long enough and they’ll tear at each other’s hair or break down emotionally.  Hmmmm, as counter-intuitive as it sounds, the solution may be more exposure.  If we could get a camera on these women twenty four hours a day, they’d never stop performing.  And, in an effort to constantly outdo each other, they might just tucker themselves out.  I mean, there’s only so much sass one body can handle.  One strut too many, one more attitude-laden comeback, one last ego-inflating shopping spree and they could fall under the weight of their own self-importance.

So I will do it.  Armed with only the media, I’ll take on these housewives.  You’ll find me fighting the good fight on the streets of Atlanta, battling the spouses of south Miami and taking a bite out of the Big Apple bigwigs.  How will you know it’s me?  I’ll be the one with the camera…takin’ names and kickin’ sass.

  1. Abbie says:

    YES! Please do whatever you can to rid the tv of this show and all it’s spinoffs! I admit to watching some bad tv, and probably wouldn’t miss it if it all went away, but unfortunately, people making fools of themselves on tv is entertaining… 🙂

  2. Definately work hard on getting rid of this show, pleeeease! They scare me. If these really are the Real Housewives, do they have the Fake Housewives around somewhere like in The Stepford Wives?

  3. heathersnyder1 says:

    Hahahaha! Yes, please kick lots of sass!

  4. JamesSnyder1 says:

    Never have seen the show, but the commercials look really scary.

  5. CrystalDodd says:

    Oh, please help, quick, they are coming out with the show “Mob Wives”. Noooo!

    • Makya McBee says:

      At least they don’t call themselves real…but it’s certainly not original, Married to the Mob was released 23 years ago. If this one also has Alec Baldwin in it, I might watch.

  6. Jennifer says:

    How do we know these housewives are real? I mean really, real. Or are they like the holographic image in Star Wars of Princess Lea when she said, “Help me Obi Wan Kanobi your my only hope”. ‘Cause women like that, there is no way they can be real. Makes real women like us look really bad.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Yes, real women like us…wait a second, this is just like all the junk mail I get addressed to Ms. McBee. As it turns out, I’m actually male. But still happy to commiserate.

      • Jennifer says:

        Thank you for going into battle with us on this really “real” issue…I am woman hear me roar!

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