Vs. Sand

Posted: April 10, 2011 in Odds and Ends
Tags: , , , ,
Laguna Beach California 2009

Image via Wikipedia

Here’s the deal.  I live less than three miles from the Pacific Ocean, and I haven’t walked on the beach in years.  Because of the sand.  Can you imagine how nice beaches would be if they didn’t have all that sand?  Not that I’m a big fan of the ocean either.  Come to think of it, my ideal beach wouldn’t have sand or water.  And it would have a roof, so you wouldn’t get sunburned.  Maybe air conditioning.  A nice comfortable place to sit.  A variety of food options.  I think my ideal beach is the food court at the mall.

The main reason I don’t like sand is that it gets everywhere.  You can take one, single step on to the beach, and you’ll have sand in your shoes, in your underwear, behind your ear – the stuff is like a magnet for human flesh.  Five minutes on the beach and I’m cleaning sand out of everything I own for the next three months.  Who needs it?

And who invented the sandbox?  Who’s idea of fun is that? 

“We need something else for our playground.”

“How about a box for the kids to sit in?”

“I don’t know, boxes aren’t that much fun.”

“Oh, what if we fill it with a loose, granular material?”

“You mean like a bunch of tiny rocks?”

“Bingo.”

Let me tell you, the sand does not make the box more attractive.  (I have boxes in my house and they’re all sand-free, just like I like them).  Playground sandboxes look like over-sized litter boxes and are probably about as sanitary. 

You want more evidence that sand is bad?  What about golfers?  There they are, enjoying themselves with a lovely round of golf.  When they see a perfectly raked area of sand.  Should they go in?  No!  It’s a trap!

And what about sand dollars?  Way over-valued.  They’re probably worth about sixteen cents.

Combination playground equipment (plastic)

Image via Wikipedia

 So, how am I going to do it?   How will I keep all sand that is not in wich form out of my life?  It’s impossible.  A few nights ago I went for a late night walk and meandered through the local playground – and the whole thing was one big sandbox.  One step and the sand actually leaped up off the ground and into my shoes.  I hate it when people cover entire playgrounds in sand.  I know it’s supposed to be for the safety of the children, but when you fall in sand, it still hurts.   Why not make the ground something cool, like bubble wrap or cotton candy?  Sand is just tiny, jagged rocks waiting to jump in your socks and scratch up your toes.  Oh, I can’t stand it.

So, I’m drawing a line in the…you know…and I’m declaring that I have no use for the stuff.  I prefer my paper smooth.  I’ll make my castles out of lollipops and dreams.  And, if you need me, I’ll be at the mall.

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Comments
  1. Kestrel Blue says:

    Sand is also very very HOT when you step on it in the summer…it burns! maybe you were meant to have a pool, so sand there!…or the Malls also a viable option especially considering that you probably cannot go out and buy a pool cause you wouldn’t really have anywhere to put it…mall it is! 🙂

    • Makya McBee says:

      Yes – I forgot about how hot sand can get…yet another problem. Plus, I think it’s working with the ocean as a delivery system. You finally cross the sand
      and get to the water and the first wave that hits you covers you with…that’s right…sand…diabolical…

  2. Heather says:

    Hahahaha! –Sand that is not in wich form– Too funny!!

    • Makya McBee says:

      It really is a terrible name for a great thing, because the last thing you’d want to find in your sandwich is sand. They should call it a tomatowich – but that just sounds like a poorly executed Halloween costume…

  3. Heather says:

    Yes a Tomatowich would be great. Too bad you can’t call it “Stacks of bread with your choice of meats, vegetables, condiments, salt and pepper to taste and may or may not include a pickle on top”.
    We’ll just call it a S#@dwich for now.

  4. JamesSnyder1 says:

    Maybe a good idea would be to install vacuum cleaners at every beach in the world. Vacuum the sand out of…no, that wouldn’t work. Sorry, that idea sucks.

  5. Yes! So true, so true. Don’t forget the sand you have to shovel out of the floor boards of your car after visiting the beach.

  6. RogerWaite says:

    Castles out of lollipops & dreams sounds alright by me. Can I have Cotton Candy clouds? Only seems appropriate.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Cotton candy clouds? Don’t be ridiculous. Just kidding, of course you can have cotton candy clouds. Just be home in time for supper. Mom’s fixing meatloaf and mashed potatos and dad says that we can help him pick out the lumber for the tree house. And the Phantom comes on our old fashioned radio at 6:30 because apparently this discussion thread has somehow become a version of me, living as an eleven year old in the fifties…I’ve lost complete control of my typing hands…sorry.

  7. Jennifer says:

    I really hate getting sand in my shoes, sand in the house, sand down my bathing suit. How disgusting I mean, really, people bring their dogs out to the beaches, dogs poop on the beach. Yeah owners may or may not clean it up. But its poop sand and its getting in my shoes, all over the house, in my bathing suit. It is disgusting I tell you.

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