Here’s the deal. When I started this blog, I made three promises to you, the reader: to never be anything but 100% honest, to never give up the fight, and to never, ever put Baby in the corner.
Wait a second…I never made any promises. I can do whatever I want. Nice try, suckers.
But I did, a mere 39 days after my first blog post, offer you an update on how my versusing was affecting the world. And I continued this tradition with a 78, 126, and 165 day update…and then I had to pay some bills, pick up my dry cleaning, and throw the whole concept of blog updates out the window.
Let’s see…where to begin…a couple of months ago I took on alternate spellings. Lo and behold (it’s weird, does “lo” ever go anywhere without “behold”…that’s a true friendship) here’s an article about a spelling bee in which a contestant was told they had misspelled a word but, upon further review, the judges acknowledged that the speller’s version was an accepted alternate spelling in the dictionary. Proof positive that my theory was correct and this practice is out of control. If our spelling bee judges can’t even keep track of alternate spellings, what hope does our society have? As my father always told me growing up, “Son, whenever in doubt, seek the sage wisdom of a spelling bee judge.” (He wasn’t a well man).
And who can forget my well-reasoned argument to abolish pennies? At least Canada was listening. Read this if you want details on their plan to remove the penny from their currency on February 4, 2013 (saving their tax payers an estimated eleven million dollars annually and conveniently rounding all prices to the nearest nickel). Let’s be honest, everyone knows that Canada is better than America. They’ve got one more “a” in their name, they’ve got lots of maple syrup and…I’m sure there’s some other good stuff going on over there. Can we afford to fall further behind our neighbors to the…I want to say…East? In addition to their superior understanding of the cardinal directions, Canada is now beating us to the logical elimination of the penny. And saving a bunch of money in the process. Come on, America, get off your tushy and get on board the penny-killing train. Do you have any idea what I could do with eleven million dollars?
Back in May, after viewing the show for the first time, I tore into America’s Got Talent like a rabid Chihuahua having its way with an unsuspecting sock monkey. And, sure enough, the show is now falling apart. According to this article from last week, Sharon Osbourne (famous for taking the last name of a man who consumes bats in a single bite) is quitting, and angling for her job is none other than Kris Jenner (famous for being famous). Reality television, once a place where careers are born, is now where careers go to die.
There’s more…oh, there’s so much more…enough for another whole post. What’s that? You want to hear it all right now? Not gonna happen. Wait a second…what are you doing? Hey, I didn’t say you could put your hand on my knee. How dare you get fresh with me?
I’m not that kind of blog.