21st Century Proverbs, Part II

Posted: May 31, 2012 in Language
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. Welcome to Part II of my multi-part series, Makya McBee addresses the issue of antiquated proverbs in a multi-part series. Part One has already been called, “A prime example of letters stringed together to form words,” “Better than many things which are worse than it,” and “The first part of a multi-part series.”

And with “praise” like this, I’m sure you’re as eager to read Part II as I am to write it (i.e. not particularly). Nonetheless a multi-part series is nothing without its multi-parts, so let’s do this thing.

A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step - Sure, but who walks anywhere nowadays? How about this update, “A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single click on Travelocity.”

Laughter is the best medicine - I wish. It turns out that laughter does have health benefits, but I hardly believe it’s the bestmedicine. We can’t go around making claims like this in our new, lawsuit-happy society. We need a medical disclaimer. “While laughter has been proven to reduce stress, lower blood pressure and boost your immune system it is not a substitute for your current medicinal routine and you should consult your physician before starting a comedic treatment plan.”

English: Many dollar banknotes.

Another good harvest.

Money doesn’t grow on trees – I don’t know who this proverb is for…is there anyone who thinks that money does grow on trees? Or, more importantly, is there even anyone that believes the metaphor – that money is very easy to obtain, as if plucking fruit from a low-lying branch? Everyone not named Kardashian or Romney knows that money is not easy to come by. Most of our lives are dedicated to having this lesson drilled into us again and again. Here’s my new version, “I need some money.”

A picture’s worth a thousand words – As a writer, I’m offended by this ridiculous exchange rate. Sure, it’s often easier to convey information with a picture, but I hardly think they’re still worth a thousand words. Not in this economy. Very simple solution, “A picture’s worth two hundred and twenty five to three hundred and ten words, dependant on fluctuations in the interest rate.”

The pen is mightier than the sword – This is more like it. The power of the written word. I’m on board. Let’s just give it a twenty-first century twist, “The blog is mightier than the taser.”

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones – This is ridiculous. There are so many things that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t do. Throw stones. Run out of Windex. Sleep in the nude. How about we just cut to the chase? “People shouldn’t live in glass houses.”

TO BE CONCLUDED…

Comments
  1. speaker7 says:

    If you don’t mind, I’m going to start embroidering “I need money” onto a pillow. For some reason that proverb just speaks to me.

  2. I live in a glass house. It’s a Barbie Dream House, and it’s flippin’ awesome. Although glass may be somewhat of a stretch. It’s more of your basic plastic and cardboard, but I still recommend not sleeping in the nude, just in case you fall through the floor and have to be rescued by the Fire Department. It’s embarrassing after the third time.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Speaker (and Lokyra) – Embroider away. (45% of all pillow sales are comin’ right back here, okay?)

      Cliche – You live in a Barbie Dream House? How small are you?

  3. Lokyra Stone says:

    If we’re embroidering proverbs onto pillows, I think I will have to use “The blog is mightier than the taser.”
    And if I’m attacked by a thug, I will threaten him with my blog.

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