How to Eat a Pomegranate and Yodel

Posted: April 6, 2012 in How To
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal. In my continued efforts to better myself and save the world, this week I decided to do a little research on the top blog subjects. I found that “How to” blogs, health and fitness blogs, finance blogs, and blogs that feature job postings, contest listings and coupon codes get the most traffic. (Strangely, blogs about traffic are much less popular). And I figure that, within the parameters of my new positive outlook, a little experimentation is in order.

Thus, this is the first in my number-to-be-determined part series, “Makya McBee Changes the Focus of His Blog to Expose More People to His Blog and Save the World.” Part 1 – The “How To” Blog.

Using the handy auto-complete feature, I typed in “How To” and let Google work its magic. As always, I was surprised by what computer users everywhere are, apparently, searching for. Today I’ll focus on two of the most popular “How to” searches. (Honest, these were two of the most popular “How to” searches).

How To Eat a Pomegranate.

Pomegranates are baseball-sized fruit that are unique in that they are 93% inedible and thus much more useful as, say, baseballs. But if you’re determined to eat one, try these handy steps.

Dansk: Granatæble. Deutsch: Ein aufgebrochener...

Looks great. Less filling.

Step 1: Go to your local grocery store and pick out a pomegranate. It should be bright red with smooth skin.

Step 2: Once home, cut the pomegranate into quarters. This will reveal the brightly colored seeds inside, each of which will provide you with a full tenth of an ounce of fruity goodness.

Step 3: Dig these annoying little seeds out of the fruit’s white membrane in which they are deeply embedded.

Step 4: Realize that the payoff in no way justifies the amount of work, throw the pomegranate away, go back to the grocery store and buy some pomegranate juice.

How to Yodel.

Seriously? You want to know how to yodel? Alright. Whatever.

Having no idea how to yodel, I visited what is not my favorite website – howtoyodel.net.

The team over at howtoyodel.net have a unique writing style. Here, for example, are a few of their suggestions. “If you love yodeling songs, and would like to learn.” “If your serious about learning how to yodel.” I, for one, love how they heighten the suspense of yodeling by never finishing any of their thoughts. Hey, howtoyodel.net, if you want to learn how to write a sentence.

And this website is wildly informative. I learned that “Swiss yodeling has been around for generations, and will be around for many generations to come.” (I just can’t help but feel that it’s a shame that they’ve wasted their amazing ability to see into the future on the durability of yodeling). I also discovered that “This vocal technique is used all [over] the world by many different cultures for entertainment and hobby purposes!” Okay. I get it. You’re excited about yodeling. No need to shout.

But, despite their limited understanding of the English language and punctuation, they do have the go-to site for would-be yodelers. Their first suggestion is that you “find a place out of the way to practice.” Yes. I agree. If you want to yodel, go far, far away.

Next, you should “listen to your favorite yodeling songs.” And who doesn’t have a healthy list of favorite yodeling songs? I know I’ll never forget when I made my first yodeling mix tape. When I was in Junior High and Run DMC came out with Yo, Yo, Del, I listened to it every day.

Then, “after all your hard work and practice, you may want to join a yodeling group.” Unfortunately, there is, of course, no such thing as a yodeling group.

And, lastly, “after you learn you can entertain family and friends who enjoy this type of singing.” No. No you can’t.

Well this has been simply terrific. I don’t think it could have gone any better. Now everyone who wants to know how eat pomegranates and yodel will come to my new, how-to site.

Now….how to end a blog entry…

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Comments
  1. For your next post, can you please cover how to eat a pomegranate WHILE yodeling?

    You may get even more hits if you mention that pomegranates look like a fruit that would appeal to zombies. Zombies are hot right now.

  2. heathersnyder1 says:

    You have to put the cut pomegranate in a bowl of water, then the seeds come out pretty easily, without staining your fingers.

    I agree with becomingcliche, I would like to know how to yodel while eating a pomegranate (like the whole whisteling with crackers in your mouth), and the whole pomegranates appealing to zombies…or if you had Zombie Pomegranates…or Zombie Pomegranates from Outer Space.

    I have not perfected yodeling yet. My nephew is amazing at it…me not so much.

  3. speaker7 says:

    I am serious about learning how to yodel so I. Read more at howtowyod.

    I can’t wait to entertain my family at Easter brunch, maybe this way we can avoid Easter brunch in the future.

  4. Lokyra Stone says:

    How about eating a pomegranate, while yodeling, while also fleeing from a zombie horde?

    • heathersnyder1 says:

      My favorite Greek Mythology is about Persephone and Hades…Persephone ate 4 pomegranate seeds and was forced to stay with Hades in the Underworld each year, 4 months out of the year and “roam among the dead”—see—Greek Mythology, Zombies and Pomegranates. Ok, it’s really about Spring and Winter, but I like the Greek Mythology Zombies Pomegranates version better.

      • Makya McBee says:

        Becoming – Eating a pomegranate WHILE yodeling? Are you insane? Do you know how dangerous that is? Someone could hear you.

        Heather – Yeah, I read the water thing while doing my extensive research. Like I’m gonna bathe my pomegranates…they’re just not worth it.

        Speaker – Nothing says Easter like a well-placed yodel.

        Lokyra – The combinations are endless. And increasingly perilous.

        Jenny – Thanks, Jenny. The world needs more comments like this. At least I do…it’s lonely at the top. (And also where I am).

        Heather again – Serves her right…yet more proof that pomegranates are nothing but trouble.

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        @Makya, I can attest to the Bathing of the Pomegranates, it really works.
        The Persephone and Hades thing is the classic Greek win-win love story where she doesn’t have to deal with her husband 4 months out of the year. And, Hell hath no fury like a Mother-In-Law (Demeter) scorned.

  5. Jenny says:

    …I can’t stop laughing at this brilliant blog post!

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