Vs. Flip Flops

Posted: June 4, 2011 in Clothing
Tags: , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  Flip flops are ridiculous.  I don’t know which part is worse, the flipping or the flopping.  And when you combine them…I just don’t get it.

Shoes should be like little houses for your feet.  Like a well-built home, an effective shoe should keep your tootsies warm and sheltered from the harsh elements outside.  With flip flops, it’s like the contractor built a floor, put in a single roof beam…and then went out of business.  That’s not a good house for your feet.

In fact, flip flops have it exactly backwards – they protect only the toughest part of your feet and leave the vulnerable bits dangerously exposed.  You think flip flops care about your safety?  Well, guess again, my friend.

And that’s just the beginning.  I certainly don’t appreciate all of the pressure that flip flops put on your big toe and its neighbor.  I think we can all agree that toes shouldn’t have jobs.  Toes are good for wriggling around in socks and clenching carpet.  At the most, they can be trusted with testing the temperature in swimming pools.  But flip flops put them in charge of keeping the shoe on.  Like the driver of a horse-drawn wagon, the toes are handed the reins and expected to run the show.  This is simply too much to ask of a toe and I won’t stand for it.

flip is higher than flop

Image via Wikipedia

Another big problem is that it’s difficult to move in flip flops.  Ideally, footwear should be conducive to bipedal motion.  It’s certainly not easy to run in flip flops.  I’d argue that it’s not particularly easy to walk in them.  Look, if I wanted a large, rubber flap repeatedly slapping against my heel, I’d…well, I don’t know what I’d do, there’s really nothing else in life that mirrors the feeling of wearing a flip flop.  And with good reason.

If you had any doubt, it’s right there in the name.  Flops are bad.  If it’s a play or a movie, a flop is a disaster.  Flops of the belly variety are painful.  People who flip-flop are not to be trusted.  Bad actors who change their mind mid-air as they fly, prone, into the pool while wearing these cheap sandals – well, that’s a flop producing, belly flopping, flip-flopping flip flops wearer.  That’s a dangerous mouthful.

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I rid the world of these rubber soles?  I can only ask people to listen to their feet.  If you’re very quiet and concentrate, you’ll hear your feet whispering, “We need a house.  We need cushioning.  We need arch support.  We need ankle protection.  And, damn, those flip flops you keep putting on us are ugly.”

Comments
  1. heathersnyder1 says:

    Flip-Flops are evil. I have had bad flip-flop wearing experiences. Picture this–me wearing flip-flops, lots of people walking around. Then suddenly, someone steps on the back of my flip-flop mid-stride. Bammm! My Flip-Flop top gets ripped off the rubber bottom and I’m flip-flop-less. My flip-flops don’t flip-flop anymore, they flop-flop. I shudder thinking about it.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Yes, they’re flimsy at best. The average lifespan of the flip-flop is 24 days. And I’m sorry to hear that yours didn’t even last this long.

      Non flip-flop wearers unite!

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        We will march in the streets and protest against Flip-Flops! Marching wearing shoes, real shoes. Not Flip-Flops. We will hold our heads up high!

  2. I agree that flip=flops do not really look reliable but they are very comfortable. If shoes can be compared to cars, then flip-flops are convertibles. Tell me man how can I follow you on blogger?

    • Makya McBee says:

      If you want to follow me, you can move to Santa Monica, CA and then, I guess, I could give you a daily schedule of where I’m going…wait, you mean you want to follow my blog. Oh, that’s much easier. You can either (a) subscribe to my blog (link is in my sidebar) as wordpress does not have a “Follow” plug-in like blogger, or (b) go to your personal blogger dashboard and add my URL address directly to the reading list on your home page.

      Many thanks.

  3. Jennifer says:

    I love Flip-Flops. There, I said it. I am not afraid to say it. I LOVE FLIP-FLOPS!

    • Makya McBee says:

      You go girl! Go – go change your shoes at once…nah, it’s okay – we still love you. And this way, we’ll always be able to hear you approaching. Good luck trying to sneak up on us now.

      • Jennifer says:

        Thank you for still accepting me even though I have a penchant for Flip-Flops. I promise if I am ever in the company of Flip-Flop haters, I will wear real shoes. I don’t want them to chase me down the street, I doubt I could run very fast in Flip-Flops.

  4. Josha says:

    flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop…

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