Vs. Mountain Dew

Posted: April 23, 2011 in Food
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Here’s the deal.  Mountain Dew is out of control.  For the longest time, I understood what I was getting into when I purchased one of these sodas.  I could accurately predict the color.  I would not be surprised by the taste.  But those days are over.

In 2001, they introduced Mountain Dew Code Red…I let this one slide.  One green.  One red.  I could handle that.

In the last decade however, Mountain Dew is acting like a Gremlin caught in a sprinkler  - sprouting out copies of itself at an unprecedented rate.  In the past ten years, they’ve introduced: Live Wire, Pitch Black, Baja Blast, Supernova, Game Fuel, Pitch Black II, Revolution, Voltage, Ultra Violet, Throwback, Cherry Fusion, White Out, Typhoon, Distortion, Flare, Crave, X-treme, and others.

For over fifty years, there was one Mountain Dew, now there seem to be over fifty per year.  What’s up with that, Dew?

I don’t have time to taste your infinite variations.  I don’t have the patience to figure out which is which.  I don’t have the energy to sort through all these colas.

But, surprisingly, that’s not the real reason I’m calling out the Dew.  In their new commercial, they are once again letting soda fans everywhere decide what their newest permanent flavor will be.  Either Diet Mountain Dew Voltage (raspberry citrus) or Diet Mountain Dew Supernova (strawberry melon).  And in both their commercial and their website they feature the graphic, “Voltage vs. Supernova.”

Listen up, PepsiCo., I own the phrase “_______ vs. _______”

No one shall be versusing anything without my permission (I’m talking to you too, O’neal…don’t even think about filming a third season of Shaq Vs.)

And who are you kidding anyway, Mountain Dew?  Everyone knows you’ll make them both permanent flavors regardless.  You’re addicted to creating new extreme-sounding flavors.  I’m sure you’re currently developing Mountain Dew Terminal Velocity, Mountain Dew Maximum Security, and Mountain Dew Patrick Swayze Kicking Butt in Roadhouse Alert Level Orange Code Purple.   

So, how am I going to do it?   How will I stop this auto-cloning soda and retain the rights to all things versus?  For one, I won’t be voting for either Voltage or Supernova…my only vote is for the original, highly-carbonated, neon-green soda we all grew up with…because no matter the funky, new color or the intimidating, extreme name, Mountain Dew was meant to be a solo act – we don’t need all these Dewettes.

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Comments
  1. RogerWaite says:

    I can only tolerate Original & Code Red. The other flavors scare me man.

    Great blog, too. Getting ready to sign up to vote for you.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Wait, Roger, Waite…no, go ahead. How many times in your life do you get bad jokes like that? “Come on guys, let’s not make Roger Waite.”
      Sorry, thanks for the vote. And, yes, the other flavors are intimidating – do you really want to drink something called Voltage? Shocking.

      • Roger Waite says:

        Yes, a lot, you wouldn’t believe it. At least I didn’t marry a girl named Helen. “Go to Helen Waite”. Ba dum bum.

        I wouldn’t want to drink anything that might have the potential to electrocute me. No, no Voltage Mountain Dew for this guy. No way, no how!

  2. angelina says:

    Mountain dew is very inticing with their many colors of the rainbow drinks. Im waiting for them to mix all colors together to make one awesome mega mountain dew that will some day rule the world muhhahahahahahahhaa

    • Makya McBee says:

      I can see a scene out of a black and white horror movie with the mad scientist, in white lab coat (you’d think, if you were mad, you might not be able to keep that lab coat so perfectly white, topic for another day) pouring all of the sodas into one vile vial…smoke billows out…”It’s Alive! It’s Alive!”

  3. ElizabethDodd says:

    I was always lead to believe that Mountain Dew was the staple for the Southern Redneck. In fact I have seen a few “jacked up on Mountain Dew.”

  4. Jennifer says:

    I nearly died laughing when you said, “versusing”. I love this post.

  5. heathersnyder1 says:

    Do they retire the flavors, like in the Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream factory? Or do they go to The Great Mountain Dew in the Sky?

  6. jimsnyder1 says:

    A world without Mountain Dew would be like, like, I don’t want to know what a world without Mountain Dew would be like. It would be a sad, Mountain Dewless world, I know that much.

  7. I see your point. I looked on the website and it said that “Mountain Dew Throwback-Now back in stores-As a permanent flavor”. Like we didn’t see that one coming.
    How much sugar is in Throwback? Likely rot our teeth out! Bad, bad Mountain Dew, bad!

  8. Yeah, and Diet Mountain Dew Supernova won. What’s this world coming to?

  9. Ian says:

    What?! Next thing you’re going to tell me that Mountain Dew isn’t actually harvested from a mountain. Look, man, we hip, superathletic performers of weekend derring-do need a nutritive beverage to supply us good old-fashioned energy and stickiness all down our chest when we lift it to the sky to drink it like the handsome guys in the commercials! If you need to beat up on a drink so badly, why don’t you pick on bottled water? Or Kool-Aid?

  10. rft3 says:

    Hey, nice topic. I can understand how you feel there’s way too many Dew flavours but, in here in Canada, we only have regular – not even diet. Good thing I live close to the border. Like angelina commented above, Mtn Dew’s personality has become this ‘rainbow’ of flavours with different colours and interesting names. We had Code Red at one point – but the single reg version gets a little lame.

    Also, you’re right that regardless of what consumers vote for, PepsiCo will end up bringing back whatever they want anyways in the long run – i think that’s what will happen with Supernova.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Always good to hear from Canada – our Mountain Dew deprived neighbor to the North. And also good to hear from a soda expert, many thanks for using your esteemed opinion to agree with me.

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