Here’s the deal.  It was 39 days ago that I put up my first post and this blog was born.  So I figured it’s about time for a casual stroll over Remembrance Street, past Recall Cul de Sac and down Memory Lane.  It’s time to see what we’ve accomplished.  Where we stand.

I did some research on all of the topics I’ve covered so far, and you’ll be glad to know that we’re changing the world here.

Firstly, I found a discussion on ESPN last week about giving 110 percent.  Athletes offered their definitions of this mathematically illogical cliché…

“Giving 110% is finding the energy you don’t even have to finish the game strong.”  I love this quote.  It’s supposed to be inspirational, but it’s just doubly silly instead.  Finding the energy you don’t even have?  That is, I suppose, the exact type of energy you’ll need to give 110 percent.  I want you guys to go out there and give more than you can with that which you don’t have. 

“It means you are willing to go the extra mile.”  I never understood the point of this one either.  And he’s set a new world record in the Boston Marathon…and, would you look at that, he just keeps on running…that’s really going the extra mile.  Aren’t there enough “miles” in life already?  Do we really need to add more?

Boston Marathon Finish Line.1910. Author: Unknown.

Image via Wikipedia

 “When you give 110% you don’t do it for yourself, you do it for your teammates and your fans. The first 100% is for you, but the extra 10% is for others.”  This sounds good when you word it that way.  But what if you left out the part that’s for yourself.  I love the fans.  And tonight I’m going to give them ten percent.  That’s low even by my standards.

But this blog is a powerful thing.  We must be careful.  Some of the topics I challenge here are clearly looking for revenge.

For example, this news article from last Friday discusses a shutdown of part of Santa Monica Beach because a grenade simulator was found in the sand.  Coincidence?  I think not.  I spend an entire blog demonstrating why sand should be avoided, and a few days later, the sand closest to where I live is arming itself! 

But we also have success stories.  Makya McBee Vs. warned against Orange County based reality programming and…Bravo cancels The Real Housewives of DC.  That’s right people, we’re making a real difference.  One down, six to go.

And who can forget my diatribe against turtlenecks?  Well, shortly after that blog ran there was a bank robbery in Virginia Beach.  Here is the police description of the culprit, “The man is described as a white male in his mid-30′s, about 6 feet tall with a medium build. He had brown gelled hair and he was wearing a dark colored turtleneck sweatshirt, blue jeans and brown shoes.” 

I don’t blame the man.  I blame the turtleneck.  You think that turtlenecks everywhere don’t know that I grew up in Virginia?  That I attended the College of William and Mary, only miles from Virginia Beach?  They’re sending me a message.  And they’re getting me at both coasts, people.  The turtlenecks on the west are robbing banks to fund weapons purchasing for the sand where I live.  Is anyone truly safe?

As for my exposé on Google autocomplete, I’m not the only one who has it out for this service.  Just this past week, a court in Italy ruled against this internet convenience.  An Italian man entered his name into Google, and it was autocompleted with the phrases, “con man,” and “fraud.”  His libel suit was successful and Google will have to eliminate negative autocompletes in Italy.  Frankly, I’m getting a little nervous.  If Google, enraged by my writing, joins forces with the beaches and the turtlenecks…it would be like Sandman from Spiderman 3…wearing a turtleneck…heavily armed…and with the ability to search the internet.

A highly-intelligent, militarized, fashionable, beach-friendly Thomas Haden Church killing machine! 

Amputee boxer Baxter Humby, as Spider-Man, thr...

Image via Wikipedia

But the news is not all dire.  I have another success story to share.  Remember my troubles with bananas ripening too quickly?  Believe it or not, the world is listening, and this problem has been solved.  A company in Holland has designed a new system for storing and ripening bananas using ultra low oxygen to keep the fruit from ripening too quickly.  And none of this would have been possible without us.

Lastly, there’s the blog entry that started this all – the Patton Oswalt Google-off.  I’m happy to report that I’m making my move.  Less than six weeks ago I had only 560 Google results.  Now, I have over 3,000.  As promised, I’ve been following my opponent around the internet, leaving a trail of Google hits for myself as I go.  I’ve joined Twitter just to follow Oswalt.  I even wrote to Jimmy Fallon’s show to ask if they’d have me on since they had Oswalt on.  It only seems fair.  They never got back to me.

So, that’s the update.  I want to thank everyone who has been reading and sharing this blog – now that you can see that we’re making a difference, I’m sure you’ll realize that, now more than ever, it is important that you tell everyone you know about this blog and link it round the world.  We have only begun to transform society, our voices must be heard. 

And speaking of our voice, I wanted to also take this opportunity to see if there were any suggestions for future topics.  Please use the comment section to tell me what you think I should take on next.  What irks you?  What needs to be said?  I’ll do my best to get to them all.

And stay alert people.  We’re in this together now.  So keep one eye on Google, one eye on the sand, and one eye on the turtlenecks.  That’s too many eyes, isn’t it?  (When it comes to optics, I give 150 percent).  We might have to use the buddy system.  Okay, everyone find a partner…good, now divide up the eyes as outlined above (the fourth eye can be used for daily activities, as needed). 

Look, no one ever said that changing the world would be easy, but we’re doing it folks.  Spread the word.  And I’ll get back to doing what I do best…as soon as I figure out what that is.

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Comments
  1. Jennifer says:

    Congratulations on your first 39 days. You are brave to take on all that annoys us.
    Here’s what annoys me:
    People who are watching a tv show with you, then change the channel during commercial break. Then flip back to the show you were watching before, only to find out they missed 4 minutes of important dialogue of the show.

  2. You’ve reached an important milestone. Congratulations.
    Please take on Telemarketers that won’t take “no” for an answer.

  3. I hate sand that arms itself. I don’t trust Quicksand either. Something scary about sand that swallows you whole. You are making great progress with your blogs. Pretty soon they will cancel all Real Housewives shows.

    Makya McBee vs.:
    -People That Talk Through Movies at the Theater
    -Non-Hand Washers
    -Text Message Abbreviation
    -Oatmeal at McDonald’s (who is going to go to McDonald’s to get healthy?)
    -High School Musical
    -Celebrities That Just Found Out They Can Sing (But Really Can’t)

    I’ll figure out some more for you to go up against.

  4. Oops, I meant High School Musical the tv show & movies. Not real High School Musicals.

    • Makya McBee says:

      A plethora of thanks for your many suggestions. I went to see Scream 4 over the weekend and was faced with quite a few theater talkers. Who raises these people? Probably other theater talkers. And I didn’t even know that McDonald’s had oatmeal…so many topics, so little time.

      • Scream 4 was good, just don’t like the theater talkers. I agree with you, I think other theater talkers raised them. Not only do they talk during the movies, but they also text during it too. Nothing more annoying than having a cell phone light shining in your face during a movie.
        Yes, McDonald’s just put oatmeal on their menu. Probably tired of all of the law suits that claim they make people fat, they offer a healthy alternative-oatmeal.
        In order to stop all the movie talkers, maybe we can shove bowls of McDonald’s oatmeal down their throats. That ought to keep them preoccupied for at least 30 minutes during the movie.

      • Makya McBee says:

        Now you’re thinking (not to imply that you weren’t thinking before). That’s like killing two birds with one oatmeal. I like it.

  5. David Snyder says:

    Congratulations on reaching your 39th blog, which reminds me of a pet peeve: numbers that end in 9!! Why couldn’t you wait to make your all important announcement until your 4oth blog?

    Which reminds me of still another pet peeve: burpless cucumbers. Cucumbers for centuries have given us the perfect excuse to burp in public, and then someone has to invent a frankenstein cucumber that takes away one of life’s few remaining pleasures. Go figure!

    • Makya McBee says:

      Many thanks for the well wishes. If it makes you feel any better, it’s only my 17th blog. (39th day). Are numbers that end in seven any better? And cucumbers…that ends in an “s”, which is the same letter that starts “seven.” So…we’re good, right?

  6. heathersnyder1 says:

    Yayyyy congratulations on the 39th day. Whoohoo!!! Patton Oswalt is probably shaking in his boots as we speak.

    Maybe go up against (in no particular order):

    1. Pear Flavored Jelly Bellies – sheer nastiness in Jellybean form.
    2. Creepy Party Clowns – I don’t have to say more.
    3. Carob – it will never ever taste like chocolate, EVER.
    4. Movie ghosts that move in “fast forward” mode and ghosts that act really jittery, like they’ve had too much caffeine.
    5. Ticks – what purpose does this disgusting creature serve?
    6. Kittens – yeah they seem innocent enough…ok, just kidding about that one.

    • Makya McBee says:

      What about pear-flavored kittens? Gross. I will add your excellent suggestions to my ever expanding list. Gracias.

      • heathersnyder1 says:

        Pear flavored kittens, that just might…no, that won’t work. Banana flavored kittens I could see working, but not pear. Pear is just a bad flavor altogether…and definately not Carob flavored kittens.

      • Makya McBee says:

        I’m going to make the radical suggestion that we stop flavoring our kittens altogether. There. Someone had to say it.

  7. Kestrel Blue says:

    you are changing the world…congrats! I can feel this change happening, the world is becoming a better place…now we gotta hire you some body gaurds in case they team up and rebel!!

  8. Wes says:

    Some irritating things…

    - Advertisements on TV that are twice as loud as the shows you’re watching. Keep the volume down low, so as to not wake up the sleeping wife, and suddenly, BAM! BUY THIS FRUIT PEELER, IT’S AMAZING!!!
    - People who go online and complain about how annoying it is that people spend so much of their time online; and related to this – people who have huge arguments online with strangers about stupid things that don’t really matter. example: After a post about tornados, hundreds of people have been arguing on weather . com about the end of the world, the need for religion, etc.
    - News and weather people who, every time they say the name of a Latin place, try to do it with a local pronunciation. They never say “and now, news from Paree” instead of Paris…
    - When you’re watching a show, and the tell you what’s going to happen after the commercial. Then, after the commercial, they remind you of what happened before the commercial. And related – shows that draw out stupid things. Biggest Loser, why does it take 7 minutes to weigh a person? The music, the lighting, slow motion, a commerical break, then all of it again.

    I’m apparently a very annoyed person. I need to go eat a cucumber and burp. Dammit, where’d they go?

    • Makya McBee says:

      I’ve learned through my work that there is a legal limit to volume for TV broadcasts…and that it’s generally not enforced.
      I didn’t mean to get you riled up. I will add these to my daunting list of annoyances and good luck with the cucumber situation (man,
      if I had a dollar for every time I typed those words…)

  9. CrystalDodd says:

    Congratulations on the 39 days! Can you go up against Buffering? I can’t stand it when you want to watch a video on YouTube and it buffers for 20 minutes then plays. Then right in the middle of the video the buffering spiral wheel starts spinning. Buffering is the bane of my existence.

  10. jimsnyder1 says:

    Please do something about Automated Phone Operators. Like the ones that say, if you would like to talk to a real person about your account, press one now.

  11. RogerWaite says:

    Wow! Good job on the 39 days.

    How about tackling the people that leave shopping carts all over parking lots because they are too lazyto put it in the cart return.

    • Makya McBee says:

      Interesting. The shopping carts is a good one. I like it. Gracias.

      • Roger Waite says:

        I think that there are some businesses that have shopping carts that if someone were to try and steal them, the wheels lock up. Not that I ever tried to steal shopping carts. But, they are quite fun to jump in and roll down streets and whatnot. So I’ve heard.

      • Makya McBee says:

        Yes, those carts are popular here in Los Angeles. There’s usually a painted line in the parking lot with a sign that notes that the wheels will lock up if the cart is taken past this line…then, just on the other side of the line, a collection of shopping carts with their wheels locked.

  12. heathersnyder1 says:

    I just thought of another one:

    Makya McBee vs. Puny Superhero Sidekicks.

    You know that the Superheros pick out Sidekicks that can’t hold a candle to them. It makes the Superheros look more Superheroesque. The more weak & pathetic the Sidekicks look, the better our Superhero looks.

    Who do you think picks out the ridiculous costumes for the Sidekick? That would be the Superhero.

  13. heathersnyder1 says:

    Yeah, Batman made Robin wear tights, too. “Here Robin, you wear these tights while I wear this black suit that shows off my rippling pectorals and tight abs.” Set him up completely for the fall.

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